Not Trained To Be THAT Customer

, , , | Right | January 14, 2021

I’m the customer in this one. I’ve just got off work, and I decide to go grab a bite to eat at a local fast food joint. I walk in and stride up to the counter to place my order. After I do so, the casher apologetically utters the following:

Cashier: “Sir, we’re not open right now. We’re training.”

I look around, finally noticing for the first time that all the seats are filled with staff members in uniform.

Struck by the absurdity of my mistake, I started sputtering with laughter. I managed to get out an apology as I sheepishly retreated out the door. I went elsewhere for dinner that night, and I did return to the restaurant a few days later once it had reopened for real.

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Insuring Your Own Failure

, , , , , | Working | December 29, 2020

My daughter has moved out and my auto insurance agent informs me that he can no longer insure her since she’s moved to a different state. My wife recommends an online insurance reseller that we’ve done business with before, albeit for life insurance.

Even though I typically have my — young — adult children handle their own affairs, this is a new situation for my daughter and I don’t want her to get talked into coverage she doesn’t need. Therefore, I put the online quote in her name, but the contact information is for me so I can review it. I receive a follow-up call from Online Auto Insurance (OAI).

Caller: “Hello, this is [Caller] with OAI. Is this [Daughter]?”

Me: “No, this is her father.”

Caller: “May I speak to [Daughter]?”

Me: “No, she’s not available. I’m the one that requested the quote. We’re still reviewing quotes. Your company is one of our finalists, but we need a few more days to decide. We’ll call you back when we’re ready.”

It should be noted that I’m being totally honest; their quote was one of the best.

Caller: “I need to speak with [Daughter].”

Me: “I said we’re still reviewing quotes and we’ll get back to you. We liked your quote.”

Caller: “I need to talk to [Daughter].”

I don’t recall the specifics of what he says, but it is basically, “I’m going to keep calling you until I talk to [Daughter] because she’s the only person I’ll accept ‘stop calling me’ from.”

Me: “You know what? I’m done. You were one of our best quotes, and it was likely that we’d have selected your company. I’ve told you nicely that we’re still reviewing quotes and will be in touch. But you’ve made me mad with your unwillingness to do things on our timeframe, so we won’t be calling you back or doing business with your company in the future. Goodbye.”

Caller: “Okay. Goodbye.”

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Um. How Cute?

, , , , , | Related | December 13, 2020

I am five years old. My little sister is two. My paternal grandfather has just died of a heart attack and we are attending his funeral. I spend the majority of the funeral in another room with my maternal grandmother, overwhelmed. My sister, on the other hand, is being held by my father, who is standing by the coffin.

As people file past to pay their respects, she delivers this gem. She keeps pointing at the coffin, addressing each person who passes.

Sister: “That’s my grandpa. He’s dead!”

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Everything Upsets Everyone, So Just Ignore It And Move On

, , , , | Right | December 7, 2020

I work in a clothing store. On January 1, we start a $40,000 remodel to give our store a much-needed facelift. We are still open for business during the remodel.

On January 20, the remodel is complete. On January 21, a customer complains about the position of our registers because now the sun is in her eyes when she checks out at a certain time of day.

Corporate leaps into action and tells us they’re going to tint our windows so this won’t happen again.

On August 31, workers from corporate show up to tint our windows. They work all night to finish before we open.

On September 1, the security chief comes in and throws a complete fit because the tinted windows are too dark and now they won’t be able to see in and make sure we aren’t on fire, getting robbed, etc.

On September 2, workers from corporate show up to un-tint our windows. They work all night to finish before we open.

On September 3, a customer complains about the position of our registers because now the sun is in her eyes when she checks out at a certain time of day.

There is definitely a pattern developing here…

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Is Dr. Pepper Even A Real Doctor?

, , , , , | Working | December 2, 2020

My first job after college was at a company that didn’t allow flex time. The workday was 8:00 am to 4:30 pm with a thirty-minute lunch break at noon. As a result, for the first two and a half years that I was there, I was in the habit of taking my morning legally-mandated break at 10:00 am and my afternoon legally-mandated break at 2:00 pm.

Most of the rest of the day, I worked in a lab that didn’t allow food, and if you spilled a drink, you had to clean up before the person in charge chewed you out for spillage. So, on my break, I’d get a packet of peanuts and a machine-delivered fountain drink — paper cup, no lid — and go to my desk to eat the peanuts and drink the soda down far enough that spilling was unlikely.

During this time, I was continually in trouble with the manager three levels above me for “always” slacking off. When my immediate manager would defend me, [Upper Manager] would blow [Immediate Manager] off with “he’s got you snowed,” as if [Immediate Manager], who gave me my tasks and knew when I finished them, somehow didn’t know what I was doing as well as [Upper Manager] did.

Then, I found out something.

Coworker: “Apparently, [Upper Manager] uses the Dr. Pepper method.”

Back then, a Dr. Pepper clock had all blue numbers on it except for 10:00, 2:00, and 4:00, which were red.

Coworker: “At the red times on the clock during the day, [Upper Manager] walks around the areas where his people work, and if they look busy then, [Upper Manager] assumes they are busy all day.”

What did [Upper Manager] see me doing at 10:00 and 2:00? Eating peanuts and drinking a soda. He assumed that was all I did all day.

I shifted my morning break to 9:30 am and my afternoon one to 2:30 pm. Shortly after that…

Upper Manager: “[Immediate Manager], [My Name] has turned into such a hard worker! Please pass my praise [My Name].”

When [Immediate Manager] did as he was told, I burst out laughing.

Immediate Manager: “What’s so funny?”

I explained the Dr. Pepper method to him. [Immediate Manager] had noticed that I had shifted my two breaks by thirty minutes.

Me: “All the previous complaints from [Upper Manager] were a result of his seeing me eating peanuts and drinking soda at 10:00 and 2:00, and now that I do that at 9:30 and 2:30, with no other change, I am suddenly a hard worker.”

And then, I watched all respect for [Upper Manager] die in [Immediate Manager]’s eyes.

When I quit, I made sure the HR manager knew about [Upper Manager]’s moronic employee evaluation method. The HR manager was seriously displeased, and I suspect [Upper Manager] felt this displeasure at his next review.

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