I was raised in a very open household, where I was encouraged to talk about all subjects, so I don’t really get embarrassed easily. My sister-in-law, on the other hand, is bizarrely prudish, to the point that she refers to pregnancy as being in a “delicate condition.” It’s particularly weird because she’s not even religious.

We are both in our late twenties, and at the time of this story, I am being treated for a health issue which means I can’t take the pill. My husband and I are not ready for children yet, but we have slipped, so I am at a pharmacy and convenience store getting a pregnancy test and a large box of condoms. My mom is also somewhere in the store buying her own things, while I’m already at the register.

My sister-in-law enters the store, sees me and my items, turns an interesting shade of red, and makes a beeline for me. Her side of the conversation is done in an angry whisper that’s still audible to other people in line, while mine is at my normal voice tone.

Sister-In-Law: “[My Name], what are you doing?! Why are you buying this trash, and at a local family store? Don’t you care about our family reputation?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Sister-In-Law: “You’re a married woman! People are going to think you’re cheating. And are you? What do you need this for? Married couples don’t need condoms, and a whole box is just scandalous. And if you thought you were in a delicate condition, you’d see a doctor, unless you’re trying to hide your infidelity!”

Me: “I need condoms because I like sex and so does [Husband]. I’m pretty sure a whole box of condoms make us prepared, and hopefully very lucky. And I need the test because, well, I like sex and so does [Husband]!”

I wiggle my eyebrows.

Sister-In-Law: “You’re just shameful! I’m ashamed to even know you! Would you be buying this if your mother could see you? Of course not, you—”

In one of those benevolent-universe coincidences, my mom chooses this moment to come to the register.

Mom: “Hey, [My Name], did you finish buying your stuff already? I found a box of the [different condoms] you prefer if you want to switch.”

Sister-In-Law: *Screaming* “You’re all shameful!”

As she stormed out of the store, the cashier and the couple behind me in line were dying of laughter, I had laughing tears rolling down my eyes, and my mom was just super confused. To this day, my sister-in-law barely speaks to me at family functions, which I still consider a double win!

This story is part of our Best Of August 2020 roundup!

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Thanks to a genetic condition, I’ve been “skinny as a beanpole” my entire life, constantly underweight despite eating 2,000 or more calories a day. Finally, right before I turn thirty, I am put on some new medications and things start to turn around. I am 5’6” and ninety-eight pounds. After six months on the new meds, I am 130 pounds. My doctors are happy, my family is happy, and most importantly, I am getting closer to being healthy.

My husband and I host a holiday dinner this year, inviting both of our families. We haven’t seen them in person since before I gained the weight, so everyone is shocked at the change. My parents hug me fiercely and my siblings and my husband’s siblings all congratulate me on “finally having body fat.” My mother-in-law looks me over and shakes her head, not saying a word.

During dinner, the mashed potatoes are being passed around. My mother passes them to me when my mother-in-law speaks up.

Mother-In-Law: “Should you eat that?”

Me: *Pause* “Eat what?”

Mother-In-Law: “Those potatoes.”

Me: “Well, I made them… so… yes?”

Mother-In-Law: “I’m just saying.”

Husband: “Saying what?”

Mother-In-Law: *Dramatic sigh* “I didn’t want to say anything, but since you brought it up… she’s gained weight. A lot of weight.”

I look down, trying to decide if I want to yell at her or cry. My mom puts her arm around my chair.

Mom: “She’s healthy.”

Mother-In-Law: “Weight gain like that can’t be healthy. You’re getting fat.”

Husband: “Mom, stop.”

Mother-In-Law: “You should consider a diet or a cleanse. I’m sure your gut is just filled with waste and excess—”

Husband: “Mom!”

Mother-In-Law: “I’m just being honest! Your digestion is probably slowing down. You’re getting older; you—”

Me: *Quietly* “You’re a b****.”

A long silence follows.

Mother-In-Law: “Excuse you?”

Me: *Louder* “You’re a b****.”

Mother-In-Law: *Standing up* “And what makes you think you can talk to me like that?”

I scoop a very large helping of potatoes onto my plate before passing them on.

Me: “I’m just being honest.”

They left shortly after the meal was over. I apologized to my husband for calling his mom a b**** but he assured me he wasn’t upset. She hasn’t apologized for her comment, so she hasn’t been invited back.

This story is part of our July 2020 Roundup – the best stories of the month!

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My mother — the stereotypical overbearing Asian mother — loves shopping online and receives packages almost every day. She shows my wife a website and my wife orders a dress.

A few days later, my mother calls.

Mother: “Well? What does [Wife] think of the dress?”

Me: “She’s going to have to call customer service. They sent the wrong size.”

Mother: “Make sure you do that before your return period runs out.”

Me: “I know. She will.”

We change the subject and eventually end the call. A few hours later, my wife’s phone rings.

Wife: “It’s your mom?”

I shrug.

Wife: “Hello?” *Pause* “No, I haven’t called yet.” *Pause* “No, it’s okay, I will. I just—” *Pause* “Really, it’s okay. I’ll do it.” *Pause* “Yes, I do like the dress; it’s just the wrong size.” *Pause* “Okay. I’ll let you know when I call.” *Pause* “Okay, bye.”

Me: “What was that about?”

Wife: “Your mom wanted to make sure I call customer service to swap my dress.”

Me: “I guess she really wants you to like it.”

The next day, my mom calls my wife again while she is doing the dishes. She turns on the speakerphone.

Wife: “Hello?”

Mother: “Hello? [Wife]?”

Wife: “Hi, [Mother]. I’m doing the dishes. What’s going on?”

Mother: “I have [Company] customer service on the other line.”

Wife: “Um… okay…”

Mother: “I’m going to put you on so you can return your dress.”

Wife: “[Mom], I am going to call. I just—”

Mother: “Hold on!”

We exchange a look. Hers is a lot less friendly than mine.

Mother: “[Wife], are you still there?”

Wife: *Slightly annoyed* “Yes.”

Mother: “Okay, here’s [Company].”

Representative: *Slightly confused* “Um, hello.”

Mother: “Yes, [Wife] ordered a dress and you sent the wrong size.”

Wife: “Hello…”

Representative: “Okay, let me get your account information here…”

They go through verification.

Representative: “Okay, so—”

Mother: “You’ll send a new dress for her?”

Representative: “Yes, we can do that. I’ll email the return packing slip—”

Mother: “Give him your email, [Wife].”

Wife: “Um… it’s on the account.”

Representative: “We have [Wife’s email]. Is that correct?”

Mother: “Yes, that’s correct.”

Representative: “[Wife]?”

Wife: “Yes, that is my email.”

Mother: “Okay, so, you’re all set?”

Representative: “We are all set. Is there anything else I—”

Mother: “No, thank you, goodbye.”

Representative: *Pause* “Have a good day, ladies.”

The representative disconnects.

Mother: “See how easy that was?”

Wife: *Tense* “I was going to call. I just—”

Mother: “Well, you don’t want to miss the return period.”

Wife: *Sigh* “No, I didn’t. It’s all done now.”

Mother: “Okay, good. Let me know when the new dress comes in.”

She hung up without saying goodbye.

The return period was sixty days. We had more than enough time to exchange her dress.

I am 5’6″. I am engaged to a man who is 6’5″. We’ve been visiting his sister and her family —  it’s the first time I’ve met them — and we are getting ready to leave.

My future sister-in-law is 5’11”. She says to me, with an affectionate hug, “It’s a good thing we like you! We’re wasting a perfectly good tall man on you, you shrimp!”

Just after my husband and I were married, we lived with his parents while searching for a place of our own. Their house was old and had a few problems.

Our bedroom had a closet in which one wall was the bricks of the chimney. One day, while we were away, there was a fire. Luckily, not much was damaged.

Or so we thought.

We had a box containing about two dozen letters written to my husband when he dated other women and a single letter from and a photo of one of my old boyfriends.

We soon discovered that, while all my husband’s mementos had survived, my two mementos had been completely destroyed.

Burnt to ash. 

In the same box with my husband’s uncharred items.

Yeah, my mother-in-law never liked me.