I’m the author of “You Won’t Save Soap, And You’ve Got Plenty Of Time”. The following story takes place around five or six years ago. 

My husband has quit his job and while he’s looking for a new one he’s been working on the kitchen and redoing it. My mother-in-law works three days a week, so I’m the only one working full-time. I work from home but I’m still working full days. 

One day, my mother-in-law comes out with this gem. 

Mother-In-Law: “I’m tired of cooking. Someone else can cook from now on.”

Now, keep in mind that she cooks maybe three dinners a week because she works the other days and isn’t home for dinner. We also order out at least once per week. 

Me: “[Husband]’s not working. He can cook dinner.”

Mother-In-Law: “You can, too.”

I just walked away. I’m terrible with confrontation. However, when my husband’s sister and her husband came over and I told her the story, she said that [Mother-In-Law] used to pull the same stuff at their house. 

I guess it’s good to know it’s not just me. Since then, I have started cooking, but I usually don’t cook when she’s around because she causes me anxiety and nearly always finds some fault with what I make.

My husband’s brother has moved in with us due to not being able to afford a place of his own. From the beginning, he’s made extra demands in regards to the food I cook. I already deal with a fussy eater — my husband, who will only eat specific items — and am not going to prepare multiple foods to appease [Brother-In-Law].

He makes passive-aggressive complaints about that to the rest of the family. I never say anything about this, always trying to keep the peace. I do make one change: I start making him a salad course to have with meals. He’s made no effort to help us pay for the extra food we now have to buy.

It’s the beginning of mango season; they are pretty expensive but I decide to buy myself one as a treat. That evening, I prepare dinner as normal and give [Brother-In-Law] his salad and main course. Afterward, I collect the plates. 

Brother-In-Law: “Dinner was nice this evening, but I was disappointed with the salad.”

Me: “What was wrong with it?”

Brother-In-Law: “Oh, nothing really, it’s just that I like to have fruit in my salad. I saw that you had bought a mango and was expecting that to be in my salad. Next time, put mango in.”

Me: *Seething at this demand* “No one gets any of my f****** mango.” *Stomps off*

I stopped making him salads after that because I wouldn’t want him to have to eat disappointing food.

My husband’s brother moved in with us two years ago and has not paid anything towards board and food, even though we agreed on an amount for him to pay just after he moved in. My husband has been too spineless to insist on him paying us.

My husband was stood down when his workplace closed down due to the global outbreak; he would be paid for a limited period of time but was under the threat of going without pay. I told him he had to talk to his brother about paying us.

Again, he’s been too spineless, so I bring the subject up.

Brother-In-Law: “I was just waiting for you to tell me how much you wanted.”

He knew because he had to claim the amount on his unemployment so he could get rent assistance from the time he moved in. Later, I remind my husband of that and he gets pissed.

Later that night, as we’re trying to watch a movie, we hear [Brother-In-Law] calling to my husband because he can’t work out how to do something on his computer. My husband sighs and pauses the movie.

Husband: “What’s wrong?”

Brother-In-Law: *Whining* “I can’t work out how to do this.”

Husband: “What are you trying to do?”

His brother is still whining but with a bit more emphasis on certain words.

Brother-In-Law: “Well, I’m trying to pay you but I can’t find out how to transfer money from my account. It won’t let me transfer.”

I can see where he is hoping that this is going to end up — with spineless [Husband] telling him not to worry about paying us — as he puts on the whining voice to get out of things because people feel sorry for him, but for once, my husband isn’t backing down.

Husband: “You can pay tomorrow after you call the bank and get it sorted. I’m going back to my movie.”

Brother-In-Law: *Sounding disappointed* “Oh, okay.”

I was proud of my husband at that moment. I don’t know how his brother thought he could convince us that he couldn’t work out how to transfer money seeing that he transfers hundreds of dollars each month to pay for online purchases. He used to receive two or more packages most weekdays, but since he’s been paying what he owes, it’s gone down to about once a week.

My mother-in-law is overly creative. What I mean is that she likes to make things from her own designs for common, everyday objects, and the designs of the objects don’t make any sense. She gets VERY offended if you tell her that her designs are bad! She has decided to make masks for the family due to the recent outbreak and the following happens when I try out one of her masks.

I put on the mask and it fits really weird and I can’t breathe because the mask is so thick.

Me: “[Mother-In-Law], I can’t breathe through this mask. What the heck did you do to it?”

Mother-In-Law: “I put three layers of quilt batting in it to act as a filter and I changed the shape of the mask so it covers more of your face.”

Me: “Why the heck would you do that? This mask is useless if I can’t breathe! You do know that [My Father] got [Husband] and me a bunch of disposable masks and a few that his girlfriend made that are made out of a lightweight knit fabric?”

Mother-In-Law: “But my design is better because I added the filter!”

Me: “But I can’t breathe with the filter that you made! Why would I use a mask that I can’t breathe through?”

Mother-In-Law: “But you will hurt my feelings if you don’t wear my mask!”

Me: “So? I can’t wear a mask that I can’t breathe through!”

My father-in-law ended up jumping in and told my mother-in-law that the masks were horrible because her design sucked. He told her not to make any more masks from that design and she got REALLY offended and started to yell at him. They ended up in a knock-down, drag-out argument where she accused him of “stifling her creativity.” He got madder and told my husband and me to leave so he could “deal with the problem.”

I talked to her sister later in the day and her sister told me that my mother-in-law had ALWAYS had a problem with thinking that her ideas were superior to tried and tested methods and designs. I don’t know why she thought that making a mask that you couldn’t breathe through was a good idea!

We are several months into a worldwide health crisis and my mother-in-law is currently laid off from her work. This means she’s home three extra days per week when she’d normally be working. She lives with my husband and me.

It’s just after dinner on a Sunday night and we’re getting ready to do the dishes when she turns to me.

“The soap is going down much faster than it used to,” she says. “Don’t worry about washing your hands for twenty seconds. You only have to do that if you go out and you don’t go out.”

I resist rolling my eyes visibly at her and take my container from lunch upstairs. I seriously can’t believe how dumb she’s being. First of all, we use liquid soap, so whether we wash our hands for ten seconds or twenty, the same amount is used. Secondly, does she not even think that her being at the house for an additional eight to ten hours, three days a week, for the past six weeks might make a difference?