Sex For Anything Besides Reproduction? How Dare You!

, , , , , | Related | August 11, 2020

I was raised in a very open household, where I was encouraged to talk about all subjects, so I don’t really get embarrassed easily. My sister-in-law, on the other hand, is bizarrely prudish, to the point that she refers to pregnancy as being in a “delicate condition.” It’s particularly weird because she’s not even religious.

We are both in our late twenties, and at the time of this story, I am being treated for a health issue which means I can’t take the pill. My husband and I are not ready for children yet, but we have slipped, so I am at a pharmacy and convenience store getting a pregnancy test and a large box of condoms. My mom is also somewhere in the store buying her own things, while I’m already at the register.

My sister-in-law enters the store, sees me and my items, turns an interesting shade of red, and makes a beeline for me. Her side of the conversation is done in an angry whisper that’s still audible to other people in line, while mine is at my normal voice tone.

Sister-In-Law: “[My Name], what are you doing?! Why are you buying this trash, and at a local family store? Don’t you care about our family reputation?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Sister-In-Law: “You’re a married woman! People are going to think you’re cheating. And are you? What do you need this for? Married couples don’t need condoms, and a whole box is just scandalous. And if you thought you were in a delicate condition, you’d see a doctor, unless you’re trying to hide your infidelity!”

Me: “I need condoms because I like sex and so does [Husband]. I’m pretty sure a whole box of condoms make us prepared, and hopefully very lucky. And I need the test because, well, I like sex and so does [Husband]!”

I wiggle my eyebrows.

Sister-In-Law: “You’re just shameful! I’m ashamed to even know you! Would you be buying this if your mother could see you? Of course not, you—”

In one of those benevolent-universe coincidences, my mom chooses this moment to come to the register.

Mom: “Hey, [My Name], did you finish buying your stuff already? I found a box of the [different condoms] you prefer if you want to switch.”

Sister-In-Law: *Screaming* “You’re all shameful!”

As she stormed out of the store, the cashier and the couple behind me in line were dying of laughter, I had laughing tears rolling down my eyes, and my mom was just super confused. To this day, my sister-in-law barely speaks to me at family functions, which I still consider a double win!


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He Just Said What They All Were Thinking

, , , , | Working | July 27, 2020

I work at a small engineering company. We are still very small, only about twenty-five people. We have an IT guy who is responsible for interfacing with clients when their problem is more software-based and installing any modules we program for them. Therefore, he interacts with clients more than most of us engineers. He has a bit of a short temper but is otherwise excellent at his work and great as a coworker.

We also have a very abusive jerk of a client who gives us a lot of revenue and a lot of headaches. He expects each of us to grovel and scrape whenever we interact with him, has sworn at all of us at some point, and is a horrible human being in general.

He’s just found a minor bug on a software we sold him. This is fairly normal and we warranty new software for two to five years because bugs do happen.

My colleague and I, who are the programmers, my manager, and the IT guy are all at his site trying to solve the problem and have already taken a lot of abuse.

Client: “You’re all morons who can’t do anything right. I don’t know why we still bother with your company!”

Manager: “[Client], we are here to fix—”

Client: *Like a chant* “Morons, morons, morons! Come on, sing with me what you are! Morons, morons, morons!”

Three of us there are shocked and don’t know what to do. And then, there is [IT Guy].

IT Guy: “Sure, I’ll sing with you! F*** YOU! F*** YOU! F*** YOU!”

The client’s jaw hits the floor and he starts getting red in the face. But [IT Guy] continues his own chant, raising his voice to the point of yelling in this guy’s – open plan! – office space, and adding dancing middle fingers!

IT Guy: “F*** YOU! F*** YOU! F*** YOU!”

My manager quickly — but not too quickly! — gets us out of there before security comes to get us. [IT Guy] is still yelling as we drag him out the door.

IT Guy: “F*** YOU! F*** YOU! F*** YOU!”

He was fired, of course. In a company as small as ours, we couldn’t afford to let this behavior go unpunished — not with that many witnesses — or our reputation would go down the drain. But he was the office hero for months!

And the client was so hated that [IT Guy] was not fired for cause and was offered a settlement equivalent to two months of his salary, on top of the normal unemployment benefits. My manager also wrote him a kick-a** reference letter and sent his résumé to some connections. He had a good new job in under a month and remained friendly with us.

And we never did business with the abusive client again!

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Sick Kids Can Turn Parents Into Basket Cases

, , , , | Related | June 17, 2020

This happened over a year ago, so it’s not to do with current events. Our two kids — a baby and a two-year-old — are very sick, with high fevers and sore throats. We take them to the emergency room, and after that, I go straight home while my husband goes to the drugstore to buy their medicine.

Once he gets home, and we give all the stuff that needs to be taken immediately, I notice he came in like he had been teleported right from the store. He has a shopping basket with the medicine boxes inside.

Me: “Um, did you pay for that?”

Husband: “Of course I did!”

I point over to the basket.

Husband: “Oh! Wow! How did that happen? I’m sure I paid!”

He looked in his wallet and found the receipt. He did pay for everything — except for the basket, that is — and had no idea of what happened. He was so worried and in such a rush that he did everything in a daze.

A couple of days later, once everything was back to normal, he went back to the drugstore, apologized, and gave back the shopping basket.

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Send Him Back Some Materials On Misogyny

, , , , , | Working | January 29, 2020

(I work at a small engineering company. It is a wonderful place, everyone is really friendly, and we all hang out together off work and know each other’s families. I am the only female engineer there. The company is growing fast, so they hire a new office assistant. The guy is kind of incompetent, which we initially justify as having little experience, and often says things that come out sexist or racist. We pass that off as him being socially awkward or trying too hard to fit in. I guess we are so used to our great work environment, it doesn’t occur to most of us he is just an a**hole. Then, this happens. The company is to have a stand in a large conference overseas, and this guy fails to send some of the conference material – pamphlets, trinkets, etc. – in time. I am the last one to leave for the conference, by a few days, so the CEO asks me to bring some of it with my luggage. No problem, I think.)

Assistant: “So, this is what you’ll need to take to the conference.”

Me: *eyeing the large, heavy box* “All right. I was only taking one bag, anyway, so we’re okay on luggage count, but this will probably be overweight. How will I get compensated for that?”

Assistant: “It’s your responsibility to pack your bags to the airline standards. I know girls like to carry their houses in their bags, but you can live lean for a week!”

Me: *ignoring his comment* “I can probably rearrange this box between two bags and pack my things around it, so it should still be okay. Worst case, I can talk to [CEO] when I get there, I guess. And my cab to the airport is arranged already, so I just need a cab to get me home with this stuff.”

Assistant: “Don’t be silly. Transportation to and from work is on you; you know that.”

Me: “Sure, normally. But I take the subway, and I can’t take this big box in it.”

Assistant: “So, get your own cab. Just like a woman to want to make the most of a man’s money.” *laughs*

Me: *getting annoyed* “I’m certainly not spending my money on doing what should be your job. I’m doing this as a favor to [CEO] and the company.”

Assistant: “Look here, little girl. Just because you think you’re so smart and [CEO] lets you play at doing a man’s job, that doesn’t mean you can be this disrespectful. Now, you will take this material and get it to the conference, since that’s your only use for going in the first place.”

Me: “Yeah, no. I’m 24 with a Master’s degree in [specific engineering field], so I don’t have to think I’m smart. I was specifically invited to speak at this conference, so I’d be going even if there was no company stand there. And there probably won’t be, because I’m definitely not taking any of this crap with me.”

Assistant: “You’ll see what happens when [CEO] hears about this!”

(I left the material and went to the conference. When I got there and told [CEO] of this conversation, he was FURIOUS. Seems he’d told the assistant to go to the airport himself with the box, so it wouldn’t inconvenience me, and to pay all extra luggage fees as needed on the company card. The guy might have still only gotten a warning — that’s how lenient this place was — but, as it turns out, he mouthed off to the CEO, told him he should put the “girl” in her place, as everyone knew she was only there to “see to his needs,” just like the one he used at lunch. That would be the CEO’s wife, who sometimes went by the office so they could have lunch together. So, yeah, he was very much fired after that!)

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Standing Up By Sitting Down

, , , , , | Friendly | June 22, 2019

(I am in my early 20s but have an invisible disability. It attacks my muscles and, when I’m in a crisis, makes it very hard to do ordinary things, like even standing up for long periods. I am just getting past a flare-up in my disease, and I’m out alone on a bus for the first time in ages, having a really great day. The bus is fairly full when an older lady, late 50s or early 60s, gets in. Since I’m on such a good day, I decide to offer my seat.)

Me: “Here, ma’am, you can have my seat.”

Lady: *rudely* “I should hope so. You young people have no business even standing on a bus, much less sitting. You should be walking or at least using a bike! Lazy! You’re all lazy!”

(I was gathering my things to stand, but as she begins to rant, I sit right back down.)

Lady: “What are you doing? Why aren’t you standing?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, you clearly would rather complain than sit down, so I’m giving you more reasons to do that.”

Lady: “That’s outrageous! You owe me respect! What kind of parents did you have that they didn’t teach you to respect your elders?”

Me: “Pretty good ones; they taught me to stand up for myself. And that means no bus seats for people who insult me. So, you can stand, instead, and keep complaining!”

(After complaining some more, and trying to cause a scene, she appealed to the bus driver. But since I had a disabled pass, meaning I can sit on even reserved seats, there was nothing he could do. And since everyone around heard what the woman was spouting, nobody else offered her a seat. I continued having an even better day, having hopefully taught someone to keep their mouth shut!)


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