As a woman and a frequent blood donor, there are times where I really need iron. I’ve been taking a supplement for years, but it makes me constipated. I do some research online on liquid iron supplements, which are supposed to, well, not do that, but all the ones I see online are really expensive.

One day, while browsing the supplements at an expensive grocery store where I don’t usually shop, I surprisingly find a small, glass bottle of liquid iron — the store’s brand — much cheaper than what I saw online. I decide to try it, and, as it promises on the label, that troubling side effect is gone! It’s now my iron supplement of choice.

Fast forward to a time where I realize I’m almost out right before the time when I need it most. I go the store but can’t find any on the shelf. I ask the girl stocking if they have it at the moment, and she points me right toward it on the shelf… but oh, no, the bottle is covered in dark, sticky goo — the color of the medicine inside — which explains why I couldn’t spot it. And, wouldn’t you know it, it’s the last one on the shelf.

The girl’s about to take it away to throw it out. This is the only place I know of where I can get such a thing at so cheap a price. My voice instinctively pleads, “Another one could have leaked over it, right?”

She replies, “Yeah…” in exactly the tone you’d expect.

I take the bottle from her and examine it. It’s full. There’s no stream of purple liquid dripping out anywhere. The stains are in multiple places; there would probably have to be multiple leaks if it was coming from inside this bottle.

I honestly believe it’s another bottle that leaked on this precious last one and say so. The girl says nothing, but I’m sure she thinks I’m crazy. For a split second, I’m terrified she’s going to insist they can’t sell it to me in that state, that she’ll take it from me to throw away, and I know there’s no magical, endless “back” where they keep secret stashes of merchandise.

Desperate, I blurt out, “My time of the month’s about to start, and you guys are the only ones that sell this.” She nods and moves away.

When I get to the register, I hold it up so the — male — cashier can scan it. To him, I just say, “You don’t want to touch this — something leaked over it — but it’s the last one; I have no choice.” He checks me out without comment.

It’s not until after I exit the store with my prize that I realize how I must have come across. I can only hope I’m not the first desperate customer they’ve ever had who cannot survive without an item of theirs! I hope they just take it as a testimony of how superior their products are.

I work in a library. We have a regular who has no concept of how time or anything else works. He plays nice for a while, but ultimately, he becomes tense and angry if things do not go his way. A colleague of mine actually used to shake when he heard the guy’s name mentioned because of so many bad experiences.

They all begin the same way. The regular calls us.

Regular: “Hi! I have a couple of things to copy that will just take a minute. Will someone assist me when I get there?”

Me: “Sure, [Regular]. Come and find me. If I am not in my office, have the staff call me.”

Maybe I am an idiot, but I figure I get paid more to deal with his nonsense than my support staff does. Also, according to the staff, I have an endless well of patience. The truth is, I need to keep the job.

The regular shows up twenty minutes before closing and one of my staff calls me in my office.

I go out to the desk and the staff member is behind [Regular]. The staff member is rolling her eyes trying to let me know I am in for big fun. The regular throws his arms around me and gives me big hug.

Regular: “I have missed you! How are you?”

Me: “We missed you, too. Now, what can we do for you?”

Regular: “Well, as I said, I just have a couple of things that need to be photocopied, but your machine is so hard to use.”

Me: “What is it you need photocopied?”

He hands me his cell phone.  

Regular: “Just two pages of products on my cell phone. I am looking for [a certain style of chair, make of guitar, brand of bicycle, breed of dog, fifth star to the right, image from a movie]…”

Me: “Well, before we can make photocopies, you know we have to print them out so we have the item to photocopy.”

Regular: “Oh. I didn’t realize that.”

We go through this every time.

Regular: “Can’t you just print this from my phone?”

Me: “Sadly, no. The people in charge decided, based on our statistics, that they don’t want to spend the money on the program that allows for printing directly from phones.”

This is the truth and it’s another reason that I wish I could kick each and every one of the library board’s behinds because we used that program a lot and it was very popular, but we are the smallest branch and so the 25 people out of 250 that ask for that service a month just don’t count as much as the 50 out of 800 people who request the same service at the larger branch.

Regular: “But I must have these so I can show people at the [Store, Movie Theater, Kennel, Hospital, Pharmacy, Grocery Store…] what I need.”

I guide him to a computer and grab a guest pass for him to use; this ain’t my first rodeo.

Me: “Well, [Regular], I will be happy to print them and help you photocopy them, but wouldn’t it be easier and less to carry if you just keep the pictures in your email on your phone?”

Regular: “Oh, but they will get buried and I won’t be able to find them.”

Naturally, he cannot remember how to get into his email since he has forgotten his password and email name on his phone, so of course, we have to look up the websites, search for the correct images, and print those, instead.

Once it is printed, he still wants to make black and white copies — color is too expensive — and then tosses the color copy he just made off the printer. Then, he decides there is something wrong with the copier pics; they are too dark, too light, blurry, etc.

This is a good copier, but it was intended to make quick copies, not masterpieces by da Vinci, so we have to print it again from the website and I try to make him just keep the print outs. It’s always a fight to the finish.

We finally end the project twenty to thirty minutes after the library closes, and the staff member who drew the short straw and has to wait for me is almost putting her boot in his backside as he leaves.

Staff Member: “Why does everyone put up with that?”

Me: “Unfortunately, everyone recognizes that he is mentally ill and no one wants to deal with the BS he comes up with to complain to the administration, even though they know it’s not our fault. They don’t want to put up with him, either, sooooo…”

Staff Member: “…we’re all stuck with him until he dies.”

A few days later, [Regular] calls at noon to say he will be there shortly.  

Me: “You’d better hurry. We’re closing at noon because of the snowstorm.”

Regular: “But I can’t get there until five; can’t you wait?”

Me: “It’s now or nothing.”

Regular: “But it will only take a minute.”

That’s when I break just a little.

Me: “[Regular], I have known you for twenty years and I know darned well that you cannot tell the difference between a minute and an hour.”

Regular: “Oh. I do tend to carry on, don’t I?”

Me: “You have half an hour to get here so that we can spend another half an hour to fix whatever it is you think will take a minute.”

Regular: “You know, the snow is coming down really fast. Maybe I will wait until tomorrow.”

Me: “That’s an excellent plan… but make sure you check our website in case the storm shuts us down.”

Regular: “Oh… Okay. I’ll do that.”

We wished each other well and hung up. Since the lockdown started, it has been rather peaceful at home where he is unable to call me.

Related:
The Contrarian Librarian: The Childhood Years
Softening Of The Contrarian Librarian
The Contrarian Librarian: Looking For Work
Re-emergence Of The Contrarian Librarian
Transformation Of The Contrarian Librarian

I am taking a call about failed maintenance; the worker fell sick during the day and it needs to be rescheduled.

Me: “I apologise that that happened, but luckily, I have a new spot for you tomorrow. Does [time] suit you?”

Caller: “Oh, yes, that’s fine. Thank you.” *Chuckles* “But please, do not send such a scary man next time!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: “Yes, you know, a not scary man. You know what I mean! I saw him walking down the street. *Chuckles* “And he rang every doorbell!” *Chuckles again*

Me: “I’m sorry if he startled you, ma’am, but don’t worry, all our employees are most capable.”

Caller: “Yes, but I’d rather have you send a normal person next time?” *Chuckles* “You know, not a negro man. You know how scary they are, don’t you?” *Chuckles again*

I manage to bite my tongue because if I say what I think, it might cost me my job and I honestly can’t afford to lose it.

Me: “No, ma’am, I don’t. I can’t see how scary someone is by just looking at their skin color. And like I said, all our employees are most capable and trustworthy. Every single one of them.”

Caller: “Oh, dear.” *Chuckles* “If you put it that way, it does sound like I said something bad. I don’t think I should have said that. Anyway, thank you for the new appointment!” *Chuckles again*

I don’t even wish her a pleasant day. I write down everything she said into her file, underneath the tag we use for aggressive people. This means that every time her file gets opened, everyone will read her racist remarks. 

When I look aside, I see my coworker staring at me. Apparently, our conversation has been quite loud and she heard the racist remarks. 

Coworker: “Please, let me schedule [Employee #1] and [Employee #2].”

Both employees are very bulky, and you can probably guess the color of one of them. Both are absolute sweethearts. Unfortunately, they were already scheduled for other appointments.

Guest: “Hi. I am supposed to check out today, but I would like to keep the room until later in the day.”

Me: “Yes, that is possible at an extra charge.”

Guest: “You are probably not even fully booked tonight!”

Me: “What does that have to do with it? You rent a room until twelve o’clock. If you keep the room until three or four pm, the cleaning lady has already gone home and the room cannot be rented out today anymore. We are only charging you 30% of the full room rate, so we have already been more than generous, considering we have a dirty room until tomorrow.”

Guest: *Getting rather obnoxious* “So, you mean to say that your hotel is fully booked, or that you are expecting a massive load of walk-ins today?”

Me: “Let’s put it this way: if you hire a car from Avis or Hertz with a certain return time, can you keep the car three to four hours longer for free just because the company has other rental cars on their parking lot?”

Guest: “We will vacate the room at twelve.”

I work at a motoring and leisure store; we sell car accessories and camping equipment. One slow Sunday, I get a call that makes my day.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Auto Store]; how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi there. I was just wondering, do you guys sell toilets?” 

Me: “Um, no, sorry. We do sell camping showers but not toilets.” 

Caller: “No, no. I’m after a house toilet, a white porcelain one, with preferably not a plastic top. Do you have any with those custom lids? Like with the 3D aquarium lid?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t sell toilets at all. You’re better off visiting [Bathroom Store] in the same complex.” 

Caller: “So, you don’t sell any fancy toilet lids?” 

Me: “No, sir. We don’t sell toilets.” 

Caller: “Okay, that’s fine.” 

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?” 

Caller: “Yes. If I buy a toilet from [Bathroom Store], can you guys install it for me?” 

Me: “…”