Our company decided, for some odd reason, to have a training conference. Part of the conference was a session where they were trying to get us to “think outside the box.”

The exercise we were given was to drop an egg from a six-foot height without breaking it, using only a small number of straws, some tape, and a few other pointless and useless things.

I asked for very specific instructions on what constituted success and was told that we had to drop the egg without having it splatter.

The first group tried dropping the egg into a net of straws and failed. The second group wrapped the egg in tape, with a tape loop sticking out, stuck taped-together straws through the egg’s loop, and successfully slid the egg down the straws. The third group simply taped the straws together with the egg at the bottom, held the egg over six feet of the ground — with the top of the taped-together straws over twelve feet of the ground — and successfully managed to catch the top of the straws before the egg splattered.

Our group dropped the egg into a nest of straws… and it didn’t break, because we had gone into the bathroom, poked a couple of tiny holes in it, and blew the insides out.

We were disqualified. The lesson we learned? [Company] wants you to think outside the box, but only in a proper, company-approved fashion.

(I’m nineteen, but I look no more than sixteen. I run a cash register in a department store. A young mother pushing a stroller comes up to make her purchase. Her child, roughly a year old, is sound asleep in the stroller.)

Me: “Boy, I’d love to be doing that, myself.”

Woman: *look of shock and disgust* “Having KIDS?!”

Me: “Sleeping.”

Woman: “Oh.”

I had a table once as a server that was a young mom, her mom, and the baby, who was probably between six and eight months old. After I brought them their food, they asked for an extra spoon. I went and grabbed one and brought it to them.

This restaurant had only soup spoons, none of your more typical tabletop teaspoons. After bringing them the spoon, the demeanor at the table changed when I’d check on them; they seemed deeply annoyed with me.

When they left, they stiffed me and left a note that read, “Small mouths need small spoons.”

(My boss has left early, so it’s just me — a banker — and the tellers on duty. One of our regular customers, an attorney, walks in and asks for a banker. POA stands for Power of Attorney.)

Me: “Hi, [Customer]! What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “Great, [My Name]. Nice to see you, young lady. I need you to open a new POA account for me.”

Me: “Sure thing. I’ll just need the POA paperwork for our legal department to review.”

Customer: “You can’t open the account right now?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I have to follow our usual procedure of sending all POAs to Legal.”

Customer: “How long will that take?!”

(I’m confused, as he’s opened several of these with me and has never been bothered about it before.)

Me: “Since it’s still early, probably by the end of the day. Maybe by tomorrow, but I don’t think it will take that long.”

Customer: *hands over the paperwork* “It had better not! The wire’s coming in tomorrow. My new client’s counting on this! I’ll be back in a couple of hours.” *walks out*

(I review the paperwork and spot all sorts of spelling and grammatical errors. I have a bad feeling about this, so I call Legal. They have me scan and email the doc over right away. When they call me back…)

Legal: “Well, congratulations. You found a fraudulent POA!”

Me: “Great.”

(The customer comes back in not ten minutes later.)

Customer: “Where is my account?”

Me: “I talked to our Legal team, and it seems that this POA is fraudulent. Where did this come from?”

Customer: *explodes* “NO, IT’S NOT! This is as real as it gets! This lady emailed me and said she wants to make me POA over five million dollars!”

Me: “Is this one of your regular clients?”

Customer: “No! She emailed me just a couple of days ago. She’s going to wire the funds as soon as I can open an account!”

Me: “I’m sorry, [Customer], but it looks like someone’s trying to scam you. If you’d like to speak to our Legal team—“

Customer: “I AM SWITCHING BANKS!” *stomps out*

(He came back the next day to complain to my boss. I’d just finished giving my boss the whole story from the day before, so when she told him the same thing I did, he stormed out again, screaming at us. A couple of hours later, his secretary came in, apologized, and said that she would review his emails from now on.)

(I am opening a pet store on a pretty slow Sunday. Our particular store opens its doors at eight am for boarding and grooming services ONLY. The registers are not functional until ten am when the store opens to the public for sale purposes. We have one register open at the boarding desk to check out customers coming to pick up their dogs early. We also check out grooming invoices, as well, but we do not have a proper till set up, so the only way to scan things is to use a hand scanner. This isn’t a problem for our boarding and grooming services since the barcodes condense down all services, meaning we only have to scan one thing to get everything set. Any items off the shelves must be scanned individually, which is why we do not cater to those buying merchandise very often unless necessary. It is about nine am and I am preparing paperwork for our new boarding guests when a very angry man approaches my desk.)

Customer: “EXCUSE ME!”

Me: “Oh, hello! Did you have any questions about boarding services we offer?”

Customer: “Certainly not! I have been waiting at the register for ten minutes and not one person has come over to assist me! What kind of customer service is this?!”

Me: *eyeing his overflowing cart of various dog items* “I do apologize, but our registers are not open until ten am since that is when we open. We are not open right now; it is only nine am and our cashier doesn’t come in until ten am.”

Customer: “But you look open! The door was ajar and I saw employees!”

Me: “The door was open because we just received a late fish delivery and the employees are still setting up for the day.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t care! You need to have it posted somewhere when you are open on Sundays. This is ridiculous!”

Me: “Well, we do have a sign on the door with the times posted on it right at eye level.”

Customer: “Who reads those signs? No one! Now get someone on a register!”

Me: “I am sorry, but the registers are closed. I can check out here on my register, but I warn you that I only have a hand scanner, so this will take a while with all your purchases.”

Customer: “Well, make it quick!”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

(I spend the next ten minutes hand-scanning his full cart. He seems to get more agitated as the time moves on. I give him his total and call for a manager to open up our flea and tick cabinet, which I do not have a key for. The manager says it will take a couple minutes because she is busy transporting live fish. This enrages him even more.)

Customer: “WHY DO YOU NOT HAVE A KEY FOR THIS?! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!”

Me: “I am sorry, but only floor managers and cashiers have keys.”

Customer: “BUT YOU’RE A CASHIER!”

Me: “Actually, no, I am a boarding manager and have no need for a key for the flea and tick cabinet, since I do not sell it. I have all the keys to my facility, but it would be pointless to give me a key I would never use.”

(A manager finally shows up and retrieves the man’s flea and tick product for him before rushing back to her duties.)

Customer: “You know, you should really get a cashier in here in the morning so it doesn’t take so long!”

Me: “We do have a cashier coming in when we open at ten am.”

Customer: “You should have someone come in earlier, though!”

Me: “Right, I’ll mention it.”

Customer: *happily* “Good!”

Coworker: “You just can’t please some people.”

Me: “It’s 9:30 am and I need a d*** drink.”

Related:
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 30
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 29
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 28