(I’m working at the front desk of a hotel when a guest walks up to me, visibly annoyed.)

Guest: “The housekeepers didn’t clean our room this morning!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that; let me check the housekeeper’s log.”

(When guests put the “Do Not Disturb” sign on their doors, the housekeepers mark “DND” next to the room number. Sure enough, it is written next to theirs.)

Me: “I apologize, ma’am. It looks like you had the ‘do not disturb’ sign on your door so the housekeeper didn’t clean it.”

Guest: “We only had it up in the morning! We took it back down after we got back!”

Me: “I’m sorry, the housekeepers only work during the morning; if they saw that you had the sign on your door they would have moved on to the next room.”

Guest: “Well, wouldn’t they knock anyway?”

Me: “No, ma’am, the sign says, ‘Do not disturb,’ so they wouldn’t disturb you.”

Guest: “Why wouldn’t you guys at the front desk call down just to make sure we didn’t need service?”

Me: “Again, ma’am, I’m sorry but the sign says, ‘Do not disturb,’ so we wouldn’t try to contact you.”

(She walked away, looking confused, still muttering about us not cleaning her room.)

(I am standing at the front desk of our hotel, getting maintenance reports from the night before, when a lady comes up to the desk, walks right up to me, and says:)

Lady: “I thought this was a no-pet hotel?”

(I am a little shocked because she is maybe a foot away from my face. I back up a couple steps.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, we are a pet-free hotel.”

(She raises her eyebrows, and cocks her head.)

Lady: “Then why did I just see a f****** dog on my floor?!”

(After asking her what room she’s in, I realize she is three doors down from a frequent guest who is in a wheelchair and has a service dog. The front desk agent and I tell her it’s a service animal. The lady goes off on us that she and her whole group are allergic to dogs and they came to this hotel because we do not allow pets in our hotel. We explain that we cannot deny service animals. There is a little crowd forming in the lobby… including the fourteen-year-old daughter of the guest with the service dog. Trying to end this quickly and quietly, we offer to move the lady rooms, but she refuses and demands that the guest with the dog be thrown out of the hotel for violating the no-pet policy. The daughter walks up to her.)

Daughter: “Excuse me. I’m sorry my dad’s service dog is upsetting you. He lets us know when my dad is starting to have a seizure so we can help him through it. I wish we could change rooms, but we need it because it’s wheelchair accessible.”

(Another guest listening to what’s going on let out a long “Wooooooowwwww” from behind the angry lady. She turned beet red, turned, and walked away. The front desk agent and I talked to the daughter and apologized and hoped she wasn’t angry. The daughter told us it was no problem. The front desk agent and I both told her we wished we could have told the lady off like that.)

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(A business guest who has stayed with us for around a week comes to check out. Even though he was here for business and his company had booked his room for him, he brought his wife, which is not a problem for us, but the company explicitly said they will only pay for one person. So, we split the bill into his stay and his food and beverage consumption and a separate bill for his wife’s consumptions, which he will have to pay himself.)

Guest: “All the food is split up.”

Me: “Yes, your company will only pay for your food, but you will have to pay for your wife.”

Guest: “Yes, but can’t you just wrote ‘Dinner’ and the full amount without specifying how many people ate?”

Me: “No, this is an automatically generated bill. When you go to the restaurant, they type in what you order and that’s how it appears on the final bill.”

Guest: “Can you not… change it? I can say it was very expensive, but that it was only me eating here.”

Me: “I’m afraid we can’t do that, sir.”

Guest: “Well, why not?”

Me: “Because modifying a bill is fraud and if your company finds out they will not do any business with us again.”

Guest: *grumbles and pays*

(Seriously though, your wife stays with you for free and you only pay for her food? Isn’t that enough?)

I was working the evening shift on a very quiet Sunday and I ordered some dinner through a food delivery company. It was raining badly outside; all our guests complained about it. The delivery guy, on a bike, came in completely soaking wet! I said I was so sorry to make him deliver my food in such bad weather and that I was happy to eat a nice, warm dinner during my break. He looked so cold and wet that I insisted he take some hot coffee from our coffee machine, and I gave him some chocolates that are usually for members of the hotel when they check in. He was very happy!

Several weeks later, I was working the same shift and again ordered my dinner through the same company. The same guy came with my food, and when he saw me he said he had something for me. He ran back to his bike and came back with a box of homemade muffins! His wife had made them and he really wanted me to have one, too. It was the most delicious muffin ever. Be kind to your delivery person!

(My hotel recently upgraded to key cards instead of old-school keys. Instead of getting the standard, cheap magnetic cards, we opted for more expensive cards with a chip and antenna in them that prevents them from deactivating. Because these cards aren’t cheap, we do charge for them when they are taken, and this notice is printed on each of the key cards to let guests know. One morning at checkout, I have a particularly difficult time with several guests yelling at me about the missing card charge. This interaction is the best, though.)

Me: *talking to the guest checking out* “So, you’re at a zero balance, and I’ll just need your key card, and you can be on your way!”

Guest: “I left it in the room.”

Me: “Are you sure? Because if our housekeeping staff cannot find it in the room, there is a charge for missing keys.”

Guest: “Are you serious? How much?”

Me: “£5. They’re not the cheap magnetic cards. They have a chip and antenna in them to prevent them—“

Guest: *cutting me off* “This is ridiculous! £5? You should be ashamed of yourself! I stay in hotels for business three times a week and I’ve not ever been charged for a key card!”

(He then starts to unload his things at the desk; he hangs his coat on the edge of the desk, takes out his phone, takes out ANOTHER phone, takes out his wallet, takes out his car keys… and then magically PULLS THE KEY CARD OUT OF HIS POCKET and slams it on the desk.)

Me: *trying to be as nice as possible, even though HE is the one who should be ashamed!* “Oh! Looks like it wasn’t in the room after all. Thank you sooo much for returning it, and I hope you have a nice day!”