The Lion, The Witch, And The Toilet

| Arizona, USA | Right | May 6, 2011

Me: “Front desk, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Where is the bathroom!?”

Me: “Are you referring to the lobby bathroom? That’s just down the hall from your room on the right side, towards the lobby.”

Customer: “No! I mean the bathroom in my room! It doesn’t have one!”

Me: “I can assure you it does, sir. Have you tried opening the door that you didn’t enter your room through?”

Customer: “Oh sh**! I thought that lead to another room.” *click*

 

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Stuck In The Wake Of Spring Break

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Right | April 21, 2011

Guest: “Do you have any vacancies tonight?”

Me: “I’m sorry. We’re completely booked tonight.”

Guest: “Do you know if any other hotels in the area have any rooms?”

Me: “I’m sorry. I checked with all the hotels near us, and all of them are completely booked as well. I heard complaints from other people that they couldn’t find hotels anywhere else in town either.”

Guest: “What’s going on in town that’s causing it to be so busy?”

Me: “Spring break.”

Guest: “Oh. I didn’t think so many people would come here for that.”

Me: “I’m sorry. What brings you to town?”

Guest: “Spring break.”

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Up-Front Desk

| Perth, West Australia, Australia | Right | April 21, 2011

(A guest is checking in.)

Guest: “And would it be okay if I bring a prostitute to the room later?”

Me: *startled* “Uh. Well. I guess if no other guests are in anyway disturbed or affected.”

Guest: “Well, that’s terrific. She’ll be coming by at about 8:30pm. But if she looks ugly, just send her back without giving her my room number.”

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Interior Design Supports Parental Decline

| Anaheim, CA, USA | Right | April 4, 2011

(It’s 9 pm and the hotel is sold out. A guest calls from the 8th floor. Note: our rooms have exterior entrances.)

Me: “Front desk, how can I help you?”

Guest: “I was wondering, do you had any rooms on a lower floor? My grandson is only two, but he can reach the safety lock. He keeps trying to go outside.”

Me: “The only rooms we have available tonight are on the 6th floor. I can set you up for a room transfer tomorrow, if you like?

Guest: “That would be great!”

Me: “I’ll look for one all the way to the ground floor. Is that okay?”

Guest: “That would be fine, thank you. I just don’t want my grandson getting outside, you know.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll go ahead and set you up for that. But just to let you know, the ground floor hasn’t been renovated yet. The room is going to be a little outdated. The renovation has only reached the 6th floor.”

Guest: “Oh really? You know what? Packing all my things up might be a little difficult. It’s okay, never mind!”

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Not The Brightest Spark In The Firework Display

, , | Right | March 27, 2011

Me: “[My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to come down and stay at your hotel. I want to stay when the Fourth of July fireworks go off. Do you know when that is?”

Me: “On the… Fourth of July?”

Customer: “But, that’s on a Tuesday. We want to come on the weekend.”

Me: “I’m sorry, the Fourth of July fireworks show always goes off on the Fourth of July.”

Customer: *sternly* “Well, I guess you just lost business, didn’t you?!” *click*

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