The Walking Red(Handed)

, , , , , | Legal | August 8, 2018

(I’ve just been hired on by a lawyer who deals with disability claims, so I’ve put my two weeks in at the store I have worked at for a few years. This means during the day, I work at the law office, and I close evenings at the store. Since I’m still new to the job, I have to take my time with asking potential clients pertinent questions about their disabilities. I’m on my fourth day there, when a woman in her mid-forties comes in, leaning heavily on a walker, barely shuffling her feet. She is sweating furiously and panting, and drops down on the couch in the receptionist area.)

Me: “Oh, ma’am! Are you okay? Would you like some water to help cool you down?”

Woman: “You don’t have parking in front of your office.”

Me: “No, ma’am. Unfortunately, there was no place to put the parking area.”

(Our law office is an old house with barely any lawn, so the parking is across the street, except for a lone parking area meant for handicapped parking.)

Woman: “I could have hurt myself crossing the street. I’m not so sure I want to hire Mr. [Lawyer] now.”

Me: “Oh, you’re not a current client?”

Woman: “No! And you should tell him that making people park across the street is bad for business!”

Me: “I do apologize, ma’am. There’s nothing we can do about that. But since you’re not a client yet, how about you sit and get some rest, then I can ask you some questions about why you’d like to hire Mr. [Lawyer].”

Woman: *looking offended* “I’m not telling you that! That’s not your business.”

Me: “Unfortunately, it’s my job to ask these sort of questions so we can help in the best possible way we can. You don’t have to give me extensive information, just a briefing over what your disability is.”

Woman: “I got hurt in a serious wreck about six months ago, and ever since then, walking, sitting, standing, and even peeing is unbearable! If it weren’t for my walker, I wouldn’t be able to get around. It’s bad enough I have diabetes on top of that, plus the doctor said that I need to get surgery on my back if I ever want to be normal again, and I can’t do that. I don’t have any kind of insurance.”

Me: *feeling something is off* “I see.”

(I take her through her remaining information, such as which doctors she has gone to about her injuries and what medication she’s on. When I tell her that the lawyer will request a meeting with her at another date, she gets livid and says she’s changed her mind. She takes her time, struggling with her walker, and makes a point to knock over a vase on her way out, so I remember her very well. Two days later, I’m at the store, training my replacement at the register, when the same woman comes up. There’s no walker, the woman doesn’t seem to have any problems at all, and she doesn’t seem to recognize me. I wait for my replacement to start checking her out.)

Me: “It’s good to see you about, Mrs. [Woman]. How are you doing today?”

Woman: “I don’t know you. How do you know me?”

Me: “You came in two days ago to file for disability. I’m glad to know that the car accident you were in hasn’t hindered you completely. You don’t even need your walker this evening.”

Woman: “Oh, uh, oh. Well, I don’t need it all the time. I just… I’m just having a good day. That’s all.” *goes red and hurries to give my coworker her credit card*

Coworker: *after the woman has gone* “That was one of your new boss’s clients?”

Me: “Not an more.”

The Only Thing That Hit Them Was Fraud Charges

, , , , , , | Legal | August 5, 2018

(I’m on my lunch break and taking the back roads, since the town I work in has a university, which means the two main roads flood with traffic around noon. As I’m coming to a red light, I notice a guy walking the sidewalk in the same direction that I’m going has come to a stop and is watching me intently. I’m watching him, too, because I’m unnerved by how hard he’s staring at me. As I get closer, he suddenly dashes in front of me and I have to slam on my brakes. Luckily, I miss him. He flops on the road in front of me, then stands up when he realizes I’m not going to hit him, and runs at the hood of my car. I scream at him when he lands hard on top of it, then slides back down. I grab my phone to call the police, explaining in detail what has happened, then exit my car on their suggestion to make sure the man is okay. By this time, another car coming the opposite way has pulled up and is watching this guy stand and slam himself into my hood twice again, so I have a witness.)

Me: *yelling* “What are you doing?”

Guy: *moaning and lying on the ground* “Oh, I think you hurt me. I need an ambulance.”

Me: “The police can decide that when they get here. I’ve already called them!”

Guy: “No, call the ambulance. I need medical help. You broke my ribs.”

Me: “No, I didn’t. The police will decide if they should call someone when they get here. I’m not going to do that. I am going to get back in my car now, though.”

(He stood up again and slammed his head as hard as he was able into my hood, splitting his skin open. I screamed and jumped back in my car. At the same time, the other driver got out of his to try and stop the man from doing any more damage to himself or my vehicle. We sat there to wait for the police. When they arrived, the man was transported by ambulance to the hospital and the witness and I gave an explanation of the situation to the officers. I didn’t hear anything else about it until a week later, when some guy claiming to be a lawyer called my place of business to talk to me, saying I owed over $1 million for injury and for leaving the scene of the crime. I told him to get a copy of the police report and hung up. This was three weeks ago, and I still don’t know what happened to that man.)

Gunning For A Win

, , , , , , | Legal | July 15, 2018

(I work at an indoor gun range where people can rent and try different guns. Every customer has to sign a liability waiver stating what their firearms experience is so we know better how to serve them. It also serves to protect us against people who may injure themselves and try to sue us. A woman who rented a gun minutes ago comes out holding onto her hand which is lightly bleeding.)

Me: “Did you get cut by the slide? It happens to everyone at some point. I’ll get you a bandage!”

Customer: “I don’t know what happened! I shot it and it cut me! I’m taking you all to court! This is your responsibility!”

Me: “But, ma’am, I thought you had extensive firearms experience. That’s what it says on your waiver!”

Customer: *frustrated and distracted from the bleeding* “WELL, I WAS LYING!”

Me: “Oh… Then you should not have lied!”

Customer: “No. You should have known what my experience was!”

Me: “I don’t know, ma’am, they don’t pay me to assess that… but they do pay me to get you that bandage!”

(She called a lawyer and lied to him, too. When she and the lawyer came in requesting the video, we showed him the liability waiver that she’d signed but neglected to mention to him. He looked at her for a moment, then walked out of the store.)

A Scam Fit For The Movies

, , , , , , | Legal | July 11, 2018

Coworker: “Hey, I have a customer here who says he saw a woman and her kid removing the wet floor sign from theater eight.”

Me: “All right, I’ll go check it out in a sec—”

(Suddenly a woman comes limping towards to ticket desk.)

Woman: “Oh, ah, oh, my back!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, are you okay?”

Woman: “No! I want to speak to your manager! Ah, oh, my back!”

Me: “I am acting manager. What can I help you with?”

Woman: “I’m going to sue this place! I just slipped and fell on an unmarked wet spot in one of your theaters!”

(My coworker and I exchange a bemused look while the lady pretends to be in serious pain. I decide to play with it a little bit.)

Me: “Oh, no! Whatever can we do?! Please, don’t sue!”

Women: “Well, firstly, you can compensate me for my pain. Oh, the pain!”

Me: “All right, miss. As you are injured, I need you to fill out this accident report.”

Woman: “Oh… Can’t you just compensate me without? I’m a very busy woman, you brats! Oh, my back!”

Me: “Well, firstly, I just need a picture of you.”

(My coworker rushes over with a phone and takes her picture.)

Me: “And can I see a driver’s license, and a credit card? Our drawers won’t open without a cash transaction, so I’ll just put, say, $250 straight into your bank through your credit card.”

(I don’t know if that’s actually possible to do, but it sounded true enough, because the woman’s eyes light up like a Christmas tree. She pulls out her driver’s license and her credit card and hands them to me, all the while groaning in pain.)

Me: “And real quick, can you tell me what happened, while I write an incident report?”

(I get a blank piece of paper and a pen, and while she tells us her story, I write, “This woman is an idiot. This is going to be funny; just wait,” and hand it to my coworker.)

Me: “All right, miss, I only have one problem before I put the money through.”

Woman: “Yes? Ah, oh, my back.”

Me: “When you told this story, why did you leave out the part where you moved the ‘wet floor’ sign?”

(The woman sprinted away, leaving me with her license and credit card. My coworker saw her license plate, and we called the cops to say she attempted fraud and was driving without a license. Apparently she was already on probation for attempted fraud, and in a few months when she gets out of jail, she won’t be going back into my theater; we put up the picture of her and her name next to the ticket booth, and she is no longer allowed to enter any of our 50+ movie theaters nationwide!)

Gotta Give Them Credit For Trying, Part 2

, , , , , , | | Legal | June 10, 2018

(We have a woman spend a lot of money with us on a credit card. A couple of weeks later we get a notice from the bank disputing the charges. I am very panicked as it’s a lot of money and even though I am not the one who served her, I was the manager on duty and did help with the packing of her purchases, so I feel responsible. Amidst the panic, I am formulating how I would pay back the lost money to the company when the manager calls me into the office. She’s been going through camera footage.)

Manager: “I can see that you’re helping wrap. Didn’t you notice anything about the customer? Did the card look fake or anything?”

Me: “No, I was really only wrapping between my own customers”

Manager: “You can see she knows exactly where the cameras are; she keeps her face covered or turned away. Here is the footage where the signature on the card is being checked so I know that was done right. But we have no idea how to get her because she gave a fake name. All I’ve got is a few shots of her on the camera at the counter.”

Me: *finally thinking straight* “Wait a minute. Is the camera outside the door real?”

(We used to have mostly fake cameras but a lot were replaced by real ones.)

Manager: “Yes, I’ve seen where she walks in the store on it.”

Me: “Go to [time] on it.”

Manager: “Okay, done it. What am I looking for?” *right then a car pulls up in full view of the camera*

Me: “That’s her car. I just remembered telling her to bring her car to the front of the store to make it easy.”

(We watched as she got out of the car, her full registration number clearly shown. Last I heard the woman is now doing five years, because she had been caught doing the same thing before. She had also done the same thing at our other branches. The card was actually real. She used a misspelling of her name to apply for it, so it was the bank’s fault because they didn’t check it against her ID properly.)

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Gotta Give Them Credit For Trying