I’ve just finished helping two elderly women. They’ve both been very polite and pleasant to deal with throughout the entire transaction, other than being a little disappointed that we are sold out of Christmas stamps.

Me: “You two are all set! I hope you both have a wonderful day and enjoy your holiday season!”

[Woman #1] suddenly shoots me a death glare.

Woman #2: “Happy holidays to you as well, sweetie!”

They walk to the door; the rest of the conversation is between the two of them as they leave.

Woman #1: *Loudly* “MERRY CHRISTMAS!”

Woman #2: “What?”

Woman #1: “It’s ‘MERRY CHRISTMAS,’ not ‘Happy Holidays’!”

Woman #2: “I said, ‘Merry Christmas.’”

Woman #1: “No! You said, ‘Happy Holidays,’ like a liberal hippie! It’s not ‘Happy Holidays’!”

Woman #2: “Well, I didn’t say, ‘Happy Holidays,’ now, did I?! I am not a liberal hippie! Do I look like a liberal hippie to you?! I only ever say, ‘Merry Christmas’!”

Their argument continued as they walked out the door and into the coffee shop next door. I can only hope, for the sake of the employees next door, that their argument ended quickly!

My parents and I are going Christmas tree shopping at an enormous garden center. I’m marveling at all the beautiful Christmas decor available when my dad hears something.

Customer: “Where do pinecones come from?”

Later:

Dad: “I should have told her they come from oak trees.”

I’m next in line at the grocery store, picking up some holiday baking supplies. The woman in line ahead of me has a bag of dinner rolls that aren’t ringing up. The cashier asks for a price check, and a manager passing by tells her that this brand of rolls has been having issues scanning and to just give it to the woman free of charge.

Cashier: “How about that? Free dinner rolls for you!”

Customer: “Wait… It didn’t scan, so it was free?”

Cashier: “It actually happened!”

Customer: “I used to hear that joke all the time when I cashiered, but it was never true. It’s a Christmas miracle!”

I’m teaching a class of five- and six-year-old children, and, it being close to Christmas, a debate has somehow erupted about whether or not there is a Santa Claus. The class is clearly split into two camps, one for and one against the jolly old man being real. Then, a kid from the True Believer camp drops this bombshell:

Kid: “Oh, yeah? Well, if Santa isn’t real, how come I saw him at the mall on the weekend?”

Best. Fallacy. Ever.

It’s a Monday night before Christmas and I’m closing at work. It’s already been a little strange on this shift today, but we’re still doing our jobs and making the store look good for the next day. I walk past an aisle in our toy department and see a gentleman looking at model cars.

Me: “Are you finding everything okay?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

I don’t think much of the exchange and continue on my way. A little while later, probably ten minutes to closing, I walk past a Christmas aisle and see this same customer with something in his hands. A few minutes later, he walks out of the building holding nothing. I’m on my way to the front to check for more returns to put away and spot a coworker.

Me: “Hey, [Coworker]? Will you go check that aisle?”

We walk over to the aisle together and find three things from our toy department in Christmas bags sitting on a shelf. We grab them and walk over to our manager, who’s hanging around the front ready to close up for the night.

Coworker: “[Manager]! We just stopped a thief!”

Me: “We think. That guy who just walked out left these over in that first Christmas aisle.”

[Manager] tells us to put the bags over on another register for our boss to check in the morning. I do and then walk back toward my own department to finish cleaning up. I happen to spot a relatively large bag laying on a shelf where it doesn’t belong. I put it back and catch my manager on his way to the office after locking up.

Me: “Hey, [Manager]! I think that guy might have been in [my department], too. I found a big bag out of place.”

The placement of my aisle and the aisle he had been in when I’d seen him before means he will likely be on camera in those areas, in addition to walking in and out of the building.

Manager: “Well, he’s getting coal in his stocking this year.”

I don’t remember the number of items, but we’re pretty sure that our manager being up front deterred the guy from walking out with stolen merchandise. And that’s why that policy exists!