(It’s that time of year where people are getting upset over “Happy Holidays” instead of just saying “Merry Christmas.” I have had many people point this out and complain when I wish them a Happy Holidays after check out, so after the third one I start saying something else. And before you guys ask I did in fact look everything up that I didn’t know and a few of these things I knew before hand.)

Me: “Thank you, sir, Happy Holidays!”

Customer: “Why do people say that? You don’t have to be politically correct all the time!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Have a Happy Hanukkah!”

Customer: “I don’t celebrate that.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but today is the third day of Hanukkah. That’s the holiday going right now.”

Customer: “But I don’t celebrate that!” *leaves with a huff*

(Later that day:)

Me: “Thank you, ma’am. Happy Holidays!”

Customer: “Oh, sweety, I’m a Christian. Please don’t say that to me.”

Me: “Oh! Well, Happy Saint Lucia’s Day, then!”

Customer: “What are you talking about?”

Me: “That’s the Christian holiday today. Are you celebrating with family?”

Customer: “What? No! I celebrate Christmas at the end of the month. That’s the only Christian holiday!” *she storms off*

(I said Happy Advent. I said ChristmaHanukkwanza once. The eight nights of Hanukkah were fun because they were early in the month that year. There are many holidays I said that were real and going on. I did this multiple times and was surprised I wasn’t fired, but my manager thought it was entertaining. Honestly, we are all tired of getting yelled at for saying Happy Holidays, which we are supposed to say to not upset anyone.)

(I work as a cashier at a store that has a three-for-two offer on items you’d usually buy as Christmas (eg. men’s deodorant boxset, fragrance boxsets, etc.). Every item included in the offer has a green sticker with a picture of a wrapped present on it. All of these are also only upstairs that basically becomes the “Christmas” section during December. A customer comes up to the counter with three items which I ring up.)

Me: “So that’ll be [amount], please.”

Customer: “That’s not right. It should be [lower amount] because these are three-for-two.”

Me: *looks closely at items* “No, I’m sorry, two of your items are three-for-two because they have the green sticker on, see? This third item isn’t included in the Christmas three-for-two. It doesn’t have a green sticker on, and is from downstairs. If you want this brand for three-for-two, there is a stand over there with other items from this brand that are included on the three-for-two.”

Customer: “But this brand has always been three-for-two! Why can’t I get this one for three-for-two?”

Me: “Like I said, this item is from downstairs, and isn’t part of the Christmas offer, but the same brand is literally a few feet behind you. You can get one from there.”

Customer: “But I wanted this one for three-for-two. Why won’t you let me have it?”

Me: “Miss, it just isn’t included in the offer, and either way, this brand is the cheapest of the three brands you have here. If you go and get another item you like from this brand just from a few feet behind you, that’ll be the item that’s free, anyway.”

(The customer eventually begrudgingly looked for another item, but she still wasn’t happy about it…)

Customer: “But that brand has always been three-for-two!”

(I’m visiting home from university and I’m trying to put Christmas gifts together. I have the idea for my sister and me to get a picture with Santa, frame it, and give it to my mom for Christmas. I scope out a local mall. My sister says she’ll do it but gives me a hard time leading up to it.)

Sister: “You want to go early on a Sunday?”

Me: “Well, that’s the only time we can do it, based on your work schedule.”

Sister: “Argh, fine, but it’s going to be super busy.”

Me: “Well, it’s a smaller mall and we’re going early. Maybe it won’t be that bad.”

Sister: “Okay, but if it’s really busy we’re not doing it.”

Me: “Okay, that’s fine.”

(She keeps saying this up to the day we go, and I just chalk it up to her being annoyed by the potential busy crowds. We get to the mall and walk to where pictures with Santa take place, and there is absolutely no one there.)

Me: “Oh, yay! This is perfect. Let’s go!”

(I then turned to my sister and noticed she was turning beet red. It never once occurred to me that my sister was embarrassed by this idea, and she was trying to play it off like she was just annoyed. I managed to get her to pose with Santa, red-faced and all, and my mom LOVED it. She still sets out the picture every Christmas, and my sister never lets me live it down.)

(My mom and I are about to fly from California to London to spend Christmas with some friends. It will be her first time visiting the United Kingdom.)

Mom: “Do they have gift wrapping over there? My presents aren’t wrapped.”

Me: “Did you just ask me if they have gift wrapping paper in London?! It’s the United Kingdom; they’re not cave dwellers.”

Mom: “I don’t know. British gift wrapping paper could be different.”

Me: “Actually, you know what? Yeah, you’re right. The British gift wrapping paper will only wrap properly around British produced or purchased objects.”

Mom: “Shut up!”

(My partner and I don’t do Christmas, but due to over-saturation in the media, our three-year-old daughter knows all about it. She is also a very sweet and observant kid.)

Daughter: “Mama, what do you want to ask Santa to bring for Christmas?”

Me: “Nothing. I already have everything I need.”

Daughter: “Maybeeee… coffee.”

Me: *laughs* “That’s a good present.”

Daughter: “Daddy, what do you want to ask Santa to bring for Christmas?”

Partner: “Nothing. I have everything I need.”

Daughter: “Maybeeee… Gatorade.”

(We laughed. The kid knows our favorite drinks!)