Shred Away The Romance

| Scottsdale, AZ, USA | Romantic | December 22, 2015

(A friend and I are shopping for dinner when we ask an employee for help.)

Me: “Excuse me, where is the shredded parmesan cheese?”

Employee: “Right this way. If the two of you are planning a romantic wine and cheese night may I suggest a bottle of wine?”

Me: “Um, no, thanks.”

Friend: “I think he thought we were a couple.”

Me: “I’m more concerned he thought our wine and cheese night would be centered on shredded parmesan.”

Bah Humbug Gets Earlier Every Year

| UT, USA | Working | December 21, 2015

(The grocery store that I go to puts up its Christmas decorations (and all holiday decorations) even EARLIER than most, as it’s the pilot store. This means that it is the store that tries out all sorts of decoration configurations and ways to promote holiday products, to see what is most successful. I know that they get a lot of bad comments about their Christmas decorations; they even put up signs saying, “Don’t worry, we know it’s still Halloween…” explaining the situation. So, I decide to give them some kind words.)

Me: *to store associate* “You probably get a lot of flack for your Christmas decorations, so I’ll just say, I whole-heartedly approve. It looks great!”

Store Associate: “Well, good. I hate Christmas.”

The Weather Outside Is Frightful, But The Customer Is Delightful

| Southfield, MI, USA | Right | December 19, 2015

(I’m a new courtesy clerk at a local large chain grocery store. I have lost my hat and gloves, but I have to do cart retrieval one way or the other. It’s not so bad, so I don’t mind. A total stranger stops me in the parking lot as I’m collecting carts.)

Customer: “Where’s your hat and gloves?”

Me: “I don’t have any.”

Customer: “What? It’s freezing! You should have hats and gloves! Let me buy you some!”

Me: “No! That’s all right! I don’t mind!”

(Customer walks away. Ten minutes later as I’m pulling carts in, I turn around and find myself face to face with the same customer. He pushes a matching set of expensive fleece hat and gloves into my hands.)

Customer: “Merry Christmas!”

Me: “Th- thank you!”

(I’ve been wearing the gloves and hat since, and I refuse to lose these!)

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Go Checkout Your Own Christmas Spirit

| MO, USA | Right | December 19, 2015

(It is Christmas Eve and I am waiting in line to check out with some items already on the belt. A woman with a basket come up to pass me.)

Woman: “Excuse me, I need to get through.”

(Thinking she is joining the man in front of me, I move aside for her. She instead starts making her own space by shoving my items back on the belt to place her items.)

Me: “Excuse me, what are you doing?”

Woman: “Well, I have less items than you and I’m in a hurry.”

Me: “Um, so go use a U-scan or please wait like everyone else!”

Woman: “Well! So much for the Christmas Spirit, a**-hole!”

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Will Have To Live With Just Getting Caught In The Rain

| Hastings, MN, USA | Working | December 19, 2015

(My floor manager is ringing on register when the pineapple’s barcode tells her it’s not in the system. She walkies the produce manager to ask about it.)

Product Manager: “Yeah, there’s a world wide shortage on pineapple. We’ll be getting a new shipment of tags soon.”

Floor Manager: “I hope that doesn’t hurt my piña coladas next week.”

(Our grocery manager decides to pipe in.)

Grocery Manager: “Canned pineapple works better.”

Floor Manager: “Yeah, but I need to have it served by the cute pool boys on the boat when I’m on vacation.”

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