Spamming The Conversation

| HI, USA | Related | December 10, 2015

(Our family is vacationing in Hawaii. Spam is very popular there. It’s sometimes nicknamed ‘Hawaiian Steak,’ so we’ve been seeing a lot of stuff featuring it.)

Brother: “What does SPAM stand for?”

Me: *without missing a beat* “Scientifically Processed Animal Matter.”

Mom: “It is not!”

(We looked it up later and found that the origin of the name is a company secret. None of us could prove ourselves right, but I bet I wasn’t!)

Friendship Is Tragic

| USA | Romantic | December 8, 2015

Me: “I don’t want to get yogurt with high fructose corn syrup.”

Husband: *very frustrated* “Why not?”

Me: “Because it kills brain cells.”

Husband: “Well, so does My Little Pony, but you watch that!”

Putting A Dent In Your Fun

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Working | December 6, 2015

(My mom and I have gone into the local grocery store to buy a birthday cake for my boyfriend and me. I pick out the only hot pink cake they have because I know my boyfriend will roll his eyes, and we have our names written on it. When we get to checkout, we have the normal polite small talk with the cashier, until she gets to the cake. When she scans it, she tips the box to the side and the cake slides into the packaging, messing up the frosting on the side a little bit.)

Cashier: *with horrified look on her face* “I am so sorry. Do you still want this?”

Mom: *looking at me* “Is it okay?”

(My family isn’t concerned with perfection and we are easygoing with accidents.)

Me: *to Mom, in a concerned voice* “Is it going to taste the same?!”

Mom: *without skipping a beat* “No, it’s going to taste dented!”

(The cashier looks completely devastated at this point, for a little too long, before the light bulb goes off and she realizes we are joking.)

Me: “It’s fine.”

(That grocery store doesn’t employ the brightest people, but the cake was delicious!)

Teaching Them About The Honey And The Bees

| Aurora, CO, USA | Right | November 28, 2015

(I’m working as a cashier at a local health food store when I notice a gentleman standing in the honey section and staring at all of the jars looking really distraught. Eventually he comes to me for assistance.)

Me: “Hi! Is there anything I can help you find today?”

Customer: “Do you have any bee honey?”

Me: “Yes, of course. It’s right over here”

Customer: “No, I looked there already. All you have is clover honey.”

Me: “Sir, clover honey just means that the bees used mainly clover plants to make the honey.”

Customer: “No! My girlfriend told me to pick up some bee honey! I need honey made by bees not by clover!”

Me: “Sir, I assure you, all honey comes from bees. Clover honey means that the bees used nectar from clover plants. Wildflower honey means the bees used nectar from wildflowers. Both honeys come from bees, just the taste is a little different.”

Customer: *stares blankly then narrows his eyes at me* “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, sir. I assure you; it all comes from bees.”

Customer: “…I don’t believe you.”

Me: “I promise. I wouldn’t lie to you. If you buy some and it’s not what your girlfriend wants, you can return it.”

Customer: “…Okay. I’ll buy it. But I still don’t think it’s from bees.”

(He didn’t return it, so I guess he was happy with it!)

A Tinny Tiny Problem With Her Hearing

| IL, USA | Right | November 28, 2015

(Customers are packed in a tight aisle, so to get out of the way my brother and I go to the end of the aisle and stand there. We are in front of the coffee creamer and are talking about mp3 players. Suddenly, an old lady appears.)

Old Lady: *in a loud, almost yelling, voice* “You’re in front of what I need!”

(My brother and I move away and continue our conversation. The old lady takes literally five minutes to choose her creamer and just as she’s about to walk away…)

Me: *directed towards my brother* “Yeah, but your mp3 player sounds so tinny.”

Old Lady:  “What did you say?!”

Me: “Uhm… a certain type of mp3 player sounds tinny?”

Old Lady: *getting mad* “What did you say to me!?”

Me: *louder* “This mp3 player sound tinny!”

Old Lady: *really mad* “What! Are you serious?! Tell me again, what did you say to me!?”

Me: *pretty loud* “My brother’s mp3 player sounds bad!”

(There’s silence for a moment, then the old lady walks away without saying a thing.)

Brother: “Her hearing must be tinny.”

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