Making A Grievous Mistake

| SC, USA | Romantic | November 25, 2015

(My boyfriend’s uncle had just passed away. Also, my boyfriend has a habit of touching my butt in public. We are in the frozen food aisle.)

Boyfriend: *puts his hand on my butt and leaves it there*

(After a minute or so I turn to look at him.)

Boyfriend: “What? I’m grieving. Besides, Uncle would approve.”

The Drive Of Your Strife

, | Olympia, WA, USA | Friendly | November 25, 2015

(I am a 19-year-old male and roughly 5’10” and 200 lbs. I am just finishing up my monthly shopping at the grocery store and am in the parking lot. In this parking lot, there is an aisle that is one way. I drive up in the proper direction when I arrive and park near the front. My car is rather large compared to most of the locals, so I make an extra attempt to check my surroundings before backing out. I am finally all the way out of my spot, facing the correct way, when a woman in massive SUV starts coming down the aisle in the wrong direction.)

Me: “Oh, no. She’s going the wrong way. D*** it.”

(Because the aisle is one way, it’s rather narrow, making it impossible for me to get around her, or visa-versa. I try my best to pull off into empty spots to give her room to get out of my way. At that moment, she finishes looking and around and decides she wants one of those spots that I am blocking, and starts yelling at me through her closed windows to get out her way.)

Me: “I don’t know what the h*** you want me to do! You’re going the wrong way and blocking me in! Go down and come back the proper way!”

(She rolls down her window and continues to scream at me while making sure she flips me off as many times as possible. My windows are already open so I hear everything.)

SUV Woman: “GET THE F*** OUT OF MY SPOT, YOU LITTLE F****T! F***ING MOVE. GET OUT! GET OUT!”

Me: *remaining calm* “Look. It’s a one way and you’re going the wrong way! I can’t get out until you move! Just go around and come back in the right direction!”

(The roughly 5’5″ and 100 lbs woman then proceeds to scream incoherently and exit her vehicle, leaving it running.)

Me: “Hey, what the h*** are you doing?! There’s no need to be so hostile!”

SUV Woman: “F*** YOU, F****T! F*** YOU! YOU CAN’T EVEN DRIVE, YOU LITTLE TWERP!”

(She approaches the front of my car and kicks the bumper hard and repetitively. I decide to get out of my car, and the lady realizes that I am roughly twice her size.)

SUV Woman: “YEAH, GET OUT HERE, YOU LITTLE F****T! GET OUT HERE Y—”

(She goes really pale and runs back to her vehicle. I am perplexed by this and watch as she peels out of the parking lot. An older stranger that was watching approaches me.)

Stranger: “Are you okay, young man?”

Me: “I guess so, ma’am. Apparently the parking spot wasn’t as important as she thought it was.”

Stranger: “I ran into her before. She reacted that way when a handicapped man was taking too long to cross the street, so she knocked his cane out of his hand.”

Me: “Oh, so she’s completely bonkers. Nice to know.”

(The woman in the SUV returns and parks on the opposite side of the parking lot.)

Me: “Maybe she’ll think twice before being so hostile.”

(Right on cue, we hear her screaming yet again, but this time at a vehicle waiting for her to cross the street.)

SUV Woman: *pointing at the crosswalk which is actually five feet away from her* “I’M CROSSING! I’M F****** CROSSING HERE. THIS MEANS PEOPLE! BACK THE F*** UP, YOU DUMB C***!”

Stranger: “I think that’s a no…”

Time To Step Up

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Romantic | November 23, 2015

(I randomly overhear a conversation between two guys in the produce aisle.)

Guy #1: “Dude, I heard you got a new girlfriend! High five!”

(They high five.)

Guy #2: “Yeah, she’s great. My dad isn’t speaking to me now, though.”

Guy #1: “Because you got a new girlfriend? That’s insane. Did he say what his problem is?”

Guy #2: “My girlfriend is older than my step-mother.”

Guy #1: “What?! Dude. You are awesome! Cougar for the winnnnn!”

(Guy #1 holds his hand up for another high five but Guy #2 leaves him hanging.)

Guy #2: “It isn’t a big deal. I’m older than my step-mother, too.”

Securing Their Good Behavior

| Lexington, KY, USA | Right | November 20, 2015

(There are two small children of about 10 years old in the store who are being very rowdy. The entire time they’ve been in the store they’ve been screaming, running around, and just being obnoxious. They are being accompanied by, I assume, their mother and grandmother. The grandmother flags me down to ask me a question about an item.)

Grandmother: “Excuse me, sir, can you tell me the price on [Product]? I don’t see a price tag.”

Me: “Oh, looks like one of our sale signs has it covered up. It’s [price].”

Grandmother: “Great! Thank you, sir.”

Me: “You’re welcome, ma’am. Will there be anything else?”

(The grandmother looks at the kids who are still causing a scene. She then looks at me as if to say “Play along with what I’m about to do.”)

Grandmother: “Yes, sir, do you know if that security officer is still here?”

(Both the kids freeze.)

Me: “No, ma’am, I haven’t seen him lately. He might be on the other side of the store right now.”

Grandmother: *to the kids* “You hear that? If you two don’t behave this man is going to tell that security officer on you!”

(The kids look back and forth between me and their grandmother like they’re trying to figure out if we’re joking.)

Me: *pointing to one of the security cameras* “Well, if he’s not on the floor he can still see you through our cameras.”

Mother: “Oh, yeah, there it is right there. See, kids? That officer is watching you!”

(At this point, the little boy immediately calms down but the girl still isn’t sure. Finally, I think the girl’s fear overrides her judgment.)

Girl: *on the verge of tears* “But I don’t wanna go to jail!”

Mother: “Well, you two better start behaving then.”

(The little girl hung her head and went to stand next to their cart. The grandmother mouthed the words “Thank you” to me and they moved along. I didn’t hear a peep from those kids the rest of the time they were in the store. And for the record, no, we don’t have a store security officer.)

I Have Twenty-Twenty Vision

| Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Right | November 20, 2015

(I ring up a customer for two lemonades that are on sale at 2 for $5.)

Me: “All right, sir, your total is $5.39.”

Customer: *hands me a $50 bill*

Me: *checks its authenticity then puts it through and gets out his change* “All right, sir, your change is 61 cents and here’s twenty, forty, and four ones.”

(I ALWAYS count customer change back to them, especially when it is a large amount. The cashier behind me needs an override for a void, so I scan my supervisor card and turn back to him.)

Customer: “Excuse me; you only gave me $25. See, one of the twenties is actually a one.”

(I look at his hand and see a one where I definitely put a twenty before. I know he is trying to con me, so I put up my closed sign and ask the lady who was next to please go to the next cashier, who has no customers. I then page my coworker over and ask her to bring out the mobile money counter to count my till.)

Customer: “I’m not magician! Look, it’s not here!” *rolls up his sleeves*

Me: “Okay, sir, I just need to have my drawer counted first.”

Customer: “Well, how long is this going to take? Ten minutes?”

Me: “No, sir, only a minute or two.”

Customer: “Well, I’m going next door! I’ll be back for my twenty after you count that drawer!”

(Guess what? He never came back. And my till was spot on.)

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