(I am working as a cashier. A customer produces a coupon for eight or more rolls of bath tissue. He then hands me a package of four “Mega Rolls,” which say, “4 Mega Rolls = 8 normal rolls!”)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you don’t have enough product for this coupon to work. I apologize, but if you want and go grab another one of these—” *I gesture to the bath tissue* “—then the coupon will work just fine.”

Customer: “But it says that this counts as eight!”

Me: “Yes, sir, it does, but there are only four rolls in the package and that is what it will count as: four rolls, only. You will have to get another package of four rolls or more for you to use this coupon.”

Customer: “BUT IT SAYS EIGHT ROLLS! Get your manager or someone who is good at math, because it is clear you are too stupid to understand simple math!”

(I turn around and happily call out to my manager, who happens to HATE rude and stupid customers who don’t read the fine print. She comes over to see what the problem is and I explain the issue.)

Manager: “I’m sorry sir, but you will need to get at least another one of these packages to use this coupon. The coupon is stating the number of physical bath tissue rolls inside the package, not how many rolls it will replace when you use them. Do you have any other inquiries?”

Customer: “But it says EIGHT rolls, so I have enough to use this coupon.” *throws up hands and almost shouts* “Geez, do they even hire competent people anymore?! IT SAYS EIGHT, SO I HAVE EIGHT!”

(My manager just walks away, knowing that I can take care of it.)

Me: “Sir, it could say it that the four rolls equal eight, twelve, twenty-four, or three million rolls; that won’t change the fact that you only have four physical rolls. You must get another four rolls to make this work.”

(I pick up the package and point out the four rolls inside the package.)

Customer: “But it says—”

Me: *interrupting* “Sir, can you tell me how many physical rolls are in this package?”

Customer: “Uh…”

Me: “How many physical rolls?“

(He stares at me for about 30 seconds and then says:)

Customer: “Eight.”

(This conversation has made me close down my lane, so no one will have to wait, and this response makes me want to slap this man so, so hard. I’ve even had a slight muscle spasm in my right hand. This part of the conversation repeats for about another two minutes:)

Me: “Sir, if you see eight physical rolls, you might need stronger glasses. To help you a bit, there are only four rolls!“

Customer: “Fine, if you are to stick to telling me this won’t work without another of those stupid packages, I guess I don’t need any of my stuff.”

Me: “Okay! I will take all of these items back. Have a wonderful day, sir.”

(The manager returned with a donut from the bakery and wordlessly handed it to me, then took the stuff from my belt and walked away.)

(I’m a cashier at a very busy grocery store. I ring up this older guy’s items. He also has a young kid with him.)

Me: “Your total is $9.01.”

Customer: “Okay, can you just get rid of the penny, so I don’t have to break a dollar?”

Me: “I don’t have any pennies on me, and if you don’t have a penny I can put in my drawer, then, no, I can’t just ‘get rid of the penny.’”

Customer: “Are you serious? Wow, this is ridiculous. You guys do it for me all the time!”

(This makes me wonder how often he does this.)

Me: “Well, I don’t believe it’s allowed to just change the total.”

Customer: “Can’t you ask?” *rolls eyes*

Me: “Uh, no. I already know the answer. I’m sorry, but are you sure you don’t have any change?”

Customer: *angrily hands me a dollar*

Me: *gives him 99 cents back, with a big smile on my face* “Have a fantastic day, sir!”

(I know it’s just a penny, but come on, dude. Just pay your total and don’t throw a fit.)

(I’m a bagger at a popular grocery store. A woman has approached the register with a balloon that says “Get Well Soon” and a bouquet of roses. It’s also clear that English isn’t her first language.)

Me: “Is your friend okay?”

Customer: *happily* “It her birthday.”

(I assume her friend had gotten sick on her birthday, so I finish bagging her things.)

Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am, and I hope your friend feels better soon.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “That’s a ‘Get Well Soon’ balloon, right?”

Customer: “It not birthday balloon?”

Me: “Um, no. That’s a ‘Get Well Soon’ balloon. You give it to a friend who’s sick and hope they, well… ‘Get Well Soon.’”

Customer: “Oh! Can I exchange for different one?”

(I pointed her towards the customer service desk, and later saw her leaving with a proper birthday balloon. It’s nice to know that I stopped someone from potentially embarrassing themselves at a birthday party.)

(I am a field service representative for a market research company. This involves scanning select merchandise in a handful of stores once a week, in order to provide sales statistics. My pay is based on my productivity rate, which means I have to keep focused. Despite wearing a badge bearing the name of the company, I am frequently mistaken for an employee of whichever store I am in at the time. Most are very gracious and understand completely, except…)

Customer: “Excuse me. Are you an employee of this store?”

Me: “No, I’m not, sir. I work for [Company]. Sorry.”

Customer: “Oh… Well, can you go get someone who is?”

(Fortunately, he caught an employee’s eye a moment later and wandered off. I didn’t fancy stopping my work to explain to him why a non-employee who has a timed job to do is not obligated to fetch an actual employee.)

(I work as a cashier. I am ringing another customer through while a grandmother and her approximately eight-year-old grandson are lining up. They have been talking in hushed whispers until it is nearly their turn.)

Grandmother: “I don’t know. If you want to tell her, go ahead and tell her!”

Eight-Year-Old Boy: *turns to me with a huge grin on his face and with complete confidence* “You’re really pretty!”

(That little boy made my day, and did the same for my coworkers and every customer around. Best customer ever. Thanks, little guy!)