(It is a slow night. I have no one in my line. My coworker behind me has two customers. One is taking very long to finish.)

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], can you take her?” *points to the other customer*

Me: “Sure!”

(The lady and I start to put stuff on my line. I have my back turned to the register, and when I put some of the lady’s stuff down, I see that someone has just come on my line.)

Me: “Oh! Hello, I’m sorry but this lady is—”

Customer: *on my line* “WHAT THE H*** ARE YOU DOING?!”

Me: “I… I am taking this lady’s stuff on my line because she has been waiting. I’m sorry, but I did not see you. You can go to register five if you—”

Customer: “Where is your manager?”

(By this time, I am starting to check out the lady.)

Me: “I… I don’t know. I think he left.”

(I finish up with the lady and start to ring the other customer up.)

Customer: “I am going to talk to your manager. You should have not done this.”

(I finish and she goes to the front end. I am about to cry because I have only had this job for a few months and need money. My coworker behind me is trying to calm me down. One of the front end people comes to me and asks what happened. I tell her.)

Me: “I was just trying to help.”

Front End Coworker: “Okay, don’t worry about it.”

(She goes back, and I see the customer leave the store. My front-end coworker comes back and tells me that I am not in trouble.)

Me: “Thank you.”

(I work in a store that is known for having an online grocery shopping option. Immediately out front is the online shopping pickup area. Even though it is blocked off somewhat and has signs that clearly say, “No parking. Online customers only,” and a call box, people still try to park in this spot. I have some form of this conversation nearly every day, sometimes multiple times a day:)

Me: “Excuse me, sorry, but you can’t park here. This is online shopping only. You need to move your car.”

Customer #1: “But it’s only going to be for a minute! What I want is right inside the door.”

Customer #2: “I’m only waiting for someone.”

Customer #3: “But I’m disabled!”

Customer #4: *pretends to not understand English*

(Every once in a while, a customer will leave their car just sitting in the spot while they run in. If we catch them, we tell the CSM so the owner can be paged. This is my favorite response from the CSM:)

Me: “There’s a car in the express lane.”

CSM: “Is there anyone in it?”

Me: “No, just a dog.”

CSM: “Did you ask the dog to move the car?”

(The best part is, if anyone tries to complain about me or one of my coworkers being rude and telling them to move their car, the customer will have to admit that they parked there.)

This story is part of our crazy-online-shoppers roundup!

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(I’m a cashier at a store that is known for saving more money the more you shop. Just yesterday, I had a regular come in with her WIC checks. No big deal. I love doing WIC. It’s simple, and it makes a**holes behind them go to other registers. I’m on her final check before her EBT things, waiting for the printer to finish, when a coworker goes to the register behind mine for a roll of “paid for” stickers.)

Coworker: “Hey, how are you?”

Me: “Oh, same stuff, different day.”

(I laugh and turn back to my printer. I finally finish the transaction and hand my customer the receipt. She takes her three kids and goes to bag their things. As I’m ringing up my next customer, I hear:)

Customer: “When I was a cashier, I knew when to shut the f*** up and do my d*** job.” 

(I’m holding back tears as I serve customer after customer, my retail smile hiding how much that hurt. I take pride in my work, as low as it is, and as it is I had a mild fever and a funeral to go to the day after. As they leave, I hear:)

Customer: “I can’t wait to call the d*** manager.” 

(Yeah. She never called. Screw you. See if you even get my fake smile next time.)

(I am picking up some stuff for Christmas dinner with my family, looking like a cross between a college student and hipster, when a rather rude man approaches me.)

Rude Man: “Hey, hot momma, where you been hiding?”

Me: *instantly on guard* “Nowhere that concerns you. Excuse me, please.”

Rude Man: *doing his best to block my exit* “Where do you think you’re going? Here I am being a nice guy, and you just blow me off!”

Me: “I apologize; I am in a bit of a hurry and not feeling up to chatting with a strange man at the store. I need to get past you so I can check out and get home to my family. Please step aside, now.”

(I admit, the word “now” came out with more force than I intended. The man is over a foot taller than me, blocking me into a very small space, and causing me to feel very crowded. I have PTSD from some pretty nasty events I have experienced at work, and I dislike being blocked off, so my “work” personality is creeping out. As a brief backstory, I work in a maximum-security prison, but I do not look like it in any way when I am not at work. I purposely make sure I look feminine and am friendly when off-the-clock as it takes a toll to always be the tough guy. Unfortunately, that, coupled with the fact I look barely 18, makes me be underestimated by basically everyone. At this point, the man starts to puff up; he shifts his stance to be more aggressive and “intimidating.”)

Rude Man: *while leaning towards me* “You need to change your tone, little lady, or a man might have to step up and change it for you.”

Me: *internally sighing from frustration* “Bigger and scarier men than you have tried; you are not even fazing me at this point. Step aside, and let me get home to my family. I am not about to deal with this nonsense when I am off the clock.”

Rude Man: *clenching his fists and acting like he is about to either grab at me or swing* “I am not done talking to you yet!”

(He started to raise his voice and started swearing at me and threatening me. This allowed the clerk at the register nearby to realize that there was a person being blocked by this troll, and he and another male employee came over and helped to defuse the situation, allowing me to get to the register and out of the store. I promptly forgot about this man shortly after regaling my family with the story while popping some popcorn for our movie bash that night. What brings me to write this story now is that a few hours ago, I was processing some new intakes from our diagnostic facility and came across one with a 15- to 50-year sentence, recently convicted, and already with a staff-assault under his belt and pending in the court system, that looked oddly familiar. When I collected him from intake to restrain and escort him to our segregation unit, he got a deer-in-headlights look before saying, “S***, I f***** up now.” It was the guy from the store, and turns out he has a few assault charges now.)

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(I’m working registers. A customer approaches and begins unloading her shopping onto the belt.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “Oh, hi…” *looking at my name tag* “… [My Name]. I’m good, thank you. You must be new here. Welcome. I hope you’re enjoying it.”

Me: “Um, I’m not new, actually.”

Customer: “You must be fairly new. I’m [Customer]. I’m a regular and I know everybody here. When did you start?”

Me: “I’ve worked here for almost five years now.”

Customer: “Really? How come I’ve never seen you before? I’m here all the time.”

Me: “I couldn’t say. I’ve never seen you before, either.”

Customer: “When do you normally work? Clearly this isn’t your regular shift.”

Me: “I’ve worked this shift every week for months now.”

Customer: “Oh. Are you sure you’re not new?”

Me: “Pretty certain.”

(She paid and walked away, muttering about how she knows everyone and how she’s there all the time. It’s worth mentioning that, despite the number of customers I serve each day, I recognise all of the regulars and know many of them by name, so I’d likely remember her if she came in as frequently as she claimed. Funnily enough, I’ve never seen her again since.)