My school has just switched up our credit recovery program, which is a computer-based option for students who have failed a class. [Old Program] was a joke; students clicked as fast as they could to get to the multiple-choice final exam, which they could retake an infinite number of times until getting the grade they wanted. After many years of this farcical nonsense, administration finally switches to a superior alternative that requires knowledge to pass.

Enter [Student], a senior.

Student: “Hey, how come I can’t click to the next lesson?”

Me: “It won’t let you advance until you answer all questions on the page correctly. Make sure you didn’t accidentally skip one.”

Student: “I had to answer those? Can’t I just do the end test? I know this stuff already. Hey, where’s the multiple choice?”

Me: “You have to type in the answer.”

Student: “And it has to be right? What the f***?! This isn’t [Old Program]!”

Me: “…”

Student: “I only failed so I could do the [Old Program] in one week! F*** this s***! I’m not wasting summer trying to learn!”

When I was in junior high school, my science teacher tested us by having us list all (then) nine planets in order from the Sun. I made out my numbered list, but I added “(Asteroid Belt)” un-numbered, between Mars and Jupiter.

When I got my paper back, everything from Mars to Uranus had been marked with a check, indicating that they were incorrect, but the checkmarks had been scribbled out.

I realized that the teacher had let his aide grade the papers and that she wasn’t reading them. She undoubtedly had a correct list that she compared my work to and checked off anything that didn’t match. Then, she saw “9. Pluto” on my paper at the end of her list and actually read my answers.

That was the point where I stopped expecting my work (other than essays) to be read.

I have what is called a “non-verbal learning disorder,” basically meaning I can’t figure out anything I haven’t been told. Naturally, this is a massive detriment to classes like English, where I’m supposed to interpret metaphor or foreshadowing and “read between the lines” for plot points, and history, where I have to determine the motivation for events that are categorized according to their results. Add to this a poor memory and my being easily distracted, and I get terrible grades in these classes.

After switching schools, I get a regular study period with teachers who walk me through my assignments to help me learn how to figure out information that isn’t specifically stated. I also learn to wiggle around questions I don’t quite understand, giving wordy non-answers that basically just repeat the question in a new light.

My history teacher especially appreciates this, as it does sometimes help me come to the right answer just by rereading my own phrasing of the question.

During our study of World War II, I am, as usual, having trouble with my exams, and while I’m confident in most of my answers, there’s one I just can’t get past. It’s an “essay” (paragraph) question. Eventually, I give up and just write out, “Hitler Mussolini bulls***.”

She gave me half credit on that one.

This happened when I was in sixth grade, on the day of a TAKS (Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills), basically a large exam of everything you learned in that particular subject that year, which essentially decides if you pass that class. My best friend broke my glasses in half on the way to lunch. No exaggeration, I can’t see clearly a foot in front of me without them. Without glasses, I couldn’t even see the paper to take the test.

During lunch, when we were allowed to use our phones, I texted my mom about it. She said she would pick me up and go get them replaced.

Lunch ended, and we all went back to class to continue taking the TAKS. I just sat there staring at the paper for about half an hour before my mother got there.

The school campus had a different building for each subject, plus a separate office building. The building I was in was next to the office building, but even in a separate building, I could still hear my mother.

Mother: “What do you mean, I can’t take her?! She’s my daughter! I can do whatever I want with her! You can’t just keep her locked up away from me!”

It was silent for a moment while the office person was answering her.

Mother: “I don’t care that she’s taking a test! She can finish it tomorrow! She can’t see to take the test! Her glasses are broken! How can she take a test she can’t see?! Huh?! How?! I’m taking her!”

Then, I was called to the office. At least the class thought it was hilarious.

This happens in 2018. My husband and I own a company that works with companies to provide doctors and nurses for factories and construction OSHA training, First Aid training, and some other things. One of our major accounts is a power company. We not only provide on-site personnel, but we also train them in First Aid. This particular company is very strict on its Health and Safety protocols, and they have shelled a decent amount of money to equip each of their sites, including their offices, with two AEDs (Automated External Defibrillators).

We are also required to provide adjusted training for their staff and crews. Because of the nature of the job, we train them on a schedule of two days, three hours each. One day is theory — because in a factory environment, instead of ABC, you EABC — with a written test at the end, and the next day is a practical exam.

(EABC stands for Environment, Airway, Breathing, and Circulation. It’s a useful acronym to remember what to do in a First Aid situation in a factory or plant. You may also see it with D instead of E, meaning Danger — to the victim or yourself.)

We are scheduled for a two-day training with this company. We are told it will be a small class, around forty people, so I book myself and our senior trainer. We arrive for the training, set up, and start the roll call.

As I said, this company is very hardcore on their Health and Safety. Except for the crews, they require every person that has even the slightest chance of visiting a power plant to have a current First Aid certificate. This means we train a lot of suits. As the room is filling up, I notice [Senior Trainer] talking with a woman I don’t know. The conversation is heated and I approach to see what’s happening.

Me: “Is everything okay?”

Employee: “No, it’s not. As I was saying to this man, I don’t need to take the class. I did First Aid in my previous company and I have very important work to do!”

Senior Trainer: “As I explained, madam, we follow the company policies about training.”

Employee: “But I already know everything!”

Me: “Madam, your manager booked you for the class. He probably thinks it’s more important than anything else.”

Employee: “No. I’m very high in the company. If you don’t release me immediately, you may lose your contract!”

At that point, she looks at us with crossed arms and a smug face. [Senior Trainer], a no-nonsense former trainer for the Army’s Medic Corps, is ready to explode.

Cue malicious compliance.

There is a rule for the training, set by the company, that any personnel that can provide an up-to-date certificate can sign a waiver for the in-person training BUT they have to take the test.

I quickly provide this as an option to [Employee]. She isn’t completely happy, but she takes it. I explain that there are two tests: one in writing and one practical.

Employee: “Fine. Tell me when it’s time to take the tests.”

So, two and a half hours later, she is sitting to take the written test. Immediately, I can see she is struggling since most of the questions are tailored for an industrial setting. The test ends, and we collect the papers. At a quick glance, I know that [Employee] has, at best, passed with a very low grade.

Despite her struggling in theory, she just comes for the test the next day. In this case, I know she is going to fail. Along with their normal CPR, we have added AED training (per company rules) and, despite being a fairly easy and straightforward machine to use, [Employee] has serious trouble.

We pack up and go back to base. We rate the tests and, as expected, [Employee] is the only one who has failed both tests spectacularly. Out of forty people, only one has failed the written test. We send the results and certificates to the company.

On Monday morning, just after we open, I get a call from the company’s Chief Operating Officer. He is one of our major contacts because training is part of his responsibilities.

COO: “Good morning, [My Name]. I’m calling about the results of the training.”

Me: “Good morning, [COO]. I had a feeling you would call.”

COO: “Can you tell me why my Assistant COO failed?”

Me: “Is [Employee] your assistant?”

COO: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, she said she had very important work to do and already had a certificate, and she signed the waiver.”

COO: “Of course she did.”

I can hear the frustration in his voice.

COO: “Can we arrange a quick training for today? I want you to do it.”

Me: “Let me check. It has to be a late one; otherwise, tomorrow at 10:00.”

[COO] thinks for a moment.

COO: “Tomorrow, then. See you at the office.”

The next day rolls up, and at 10:00 sharp, I’m at the offices. I’m led to a conference room and told to wait. A few minutes later, [COO] and [Employee] step into the room. [Employee] looks chastised. She sits across from me while [COO] stands. [COO] asks me for the waiver, which I hand to him. He takes a look at it and gives it back.

COO: “As I explained when you were hired, you had to pass this training. The expiration of the certificate you gave us was coming up, and you came from a different field. Now, do the training properly and pass it. It is one of the prerequisites for the job.”

[Employee] took the training properly this time and passed. Since then, she has never complained about First Aid training again.