Bomb Sniffing Dog By Day, Man’s Best Friend By Night

, , , , | Learning | November 1, 2017

(I am in eighth grade. My school has had a string of small fires, two hit lists, and several bomb threats. Not a bad neighborhood, just a**hole kids. On one such occasion, I’m staying late after school because my father is subbing for a sixth-grade teacher and I decide to ride home with him instead of taking the bus. I’m sitting in his classroom doing my homework when I feel something cold and wet press against my arm. Looking down I see, to my surprise, a huge German Shepherd sitting next to me wagging his tail. Naturally, I reach out to pet him, and then a voice shouts from the doorway:)

Officer: “Aramis! Back to work!”

(The Shepherd’s ears droop as he goes to make a round of the room, and I look up to see a police officer standing in the doorway. I glance at Aramis, then back at the officer.)

Me: *pointing at Aramis* “Bomb-sniffing dog?” *the officer nods* “Cool.”

(I go back to my homework, and Aramis finishes his search of the room. On his way back to his handler he starts to trot back towards me again. I don’t reach out this time since I know you’re not allowed to touch police dogs.)

Officer: “Aramis! Here!” *Aramis goes to the officer’s side, the officer looks at him and shakes his head* “He’s never been this easily distracted before.”

Me: “Well, I have a girl dog at home; maybe he smells her on me?”

Officer: “He’s supposed to ignore little things like that. Ah, well, at least there’s nothing here. Aramis, come.”

(Aramis and his officer head down the hall to finish their sweep and I go back to my homework. As they’re passing by the open classroom door Aramis starts to trot towards me again, tail wagging.)

Officer: “ARAMIS! Geez, man!” *Aramis reluctantly stays with his officer, who stares at him and then looks up at me* “I don’t know what’s gotten into him; he’s never been this distracted!”

Me: *unable to keep from grinning, though trying to look apologetic* “It’s an animal thing.”

(The officer shook his head, but I saw him smiling at little as he and Aramis departed. Maybe Aramis needed a day off!)

Pokémon XXX & Y

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Learning | July 29, 2017

(It’s quiet reading time in class. I overhear this:)

Classmate: “Ooh! What’s a dildo? Is that a Pokémon? I want one!”

That Poor, Poor, Jaguar…

| OH, USA | Learning | July 18, 2017

(We are in language arts class suggesting revisions to a story we have worked on as a class.)

Student #1: “We could improve the battle scene.”

Student #2: “I think more dialogue should be added.”

Teacher: *writes suggestions on board* “Okay, anybody else?”

Student #3: “In the scene with the jaguars, instead of [Main Character] wearing the jaguars maybe they could be his pubic hair.”

Class: *stunned silence followed by a five-minute laughter*

Teacher: “We will save that for health class.”

Mexican’t Believe It

, , , , | Learning | June 8, 2017

(I am working in a junior high classroom helping a group of students with their English homework. This is not long after Trump takes office and the students are reading a magazine article about Trump’s different stances on the environment, immigration, economy, etc. I am explaining to them about his ideas about the border wall with Mexico.)

Student #1: “But I don’t get it. Isn’t Mexico part of the U.S.?”

Me: *fumbling for a response* “Are you thinking of New Mexico?”

Student #1: “No, Mexico Mexico.”

Me: “…No.”

(The rest of the students are either laughing or gaping at this point.)

Student #2: *pointing* “There’s a map over there. Go look.”

(I lead Student #1 over to the map and show them Mexico and the US.)

Student #1: *wide eyed* “Ooohhh… that makes so much more sense. Like, I couldn’t figure out why all the other states wanted to keep people from one state out.”

(At this point, I’m just nodding and trying not to laugh.)

Student #1: “How did I get to seventh grade without knowing that?”

(I thought it best not to answer.)

Erasing Common Sense

, , , , | Learning | May 31, 2017

(My friends and I often stay in the library during lunch, and this is one such time. There is a small area with couches in the center of the library, and I, my friend, and a lot of her friends are sitting there. Randomly, a girl throws an eraser at someone else, and the eraser equivalent of a food fight ensues. I do not participate. At one point, it gets exceptionally loud, with everyone laughing and yelling. I figured, this is a library; we shouldn’t be doing this.)

Me: “Stop throwing erasers!”

Librarian: “[My Name], don’t you know better than to yell in the library?”

Me: “But…” *everyone else is still throwing things at each other*

Librarian: “You know better.”

Page 1/1012345...Last
Next »