Smells Like Teenage Dispirit

, , , , , , | Right | December 12, 2017

(I am a customer in a supermarket. There’s a group of five obnoxious teenagers — three girls and two boys — with a middle-aged woman at the checkout. They are being rowdy, and while staying somewhat close to the woman, they’re wandering around the aisle that connects all the checkouts, getting in people’s way, and shooting superior glares and smirks at the people they’re blocking. Most other customers aren’t even TRYING to get past the teenagers, and instead, are going all the way down an aisle and coming up another aisle that takes them closer to a checkout that’s away from the teenagers. The woman the teenagers are with isn’t scolding them, but she looks as though she’s been trying to make them behave but finally decided to stop wasting her breath. She looks very annoyed and VERY embarrassed by their behavior. I place my items on the conveyor belt, then bend down to place my hand-basket in the stack under the overhang of the conveyor belt. Someone had dropped a basket on the floor earlier on, so while I’m putting my basket away, I pick up the other basket, upright it, fold the handles down, then add it to the stack of baskets, as well. One of the teenage girls addresses me.)

Teenage Girl: “Why’d you do that?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Teenage Girl: “Why’d you put it away? It wasn’t your basket.”

Me: “Because I did?”

Teenage Girl: “But why?”

Me: “Because it didn’t take any effort and it was the right thing to do.”

Mother: *loudly*That is how I raised you to be! I don’t know what the f*** happened!” *she waves her hands in exasperation*

Cashiers: *giggling*

(All of the teenagers suddenly looked mortified, shut up, stopped meandering into other people’s way, and stood calmly around the woman they were with.)

That’s How You Were Bread To Eat

, , , , , | Learning | October 15, 2017

(I’m sitting in one of my classes. One of my classmates is a bit of a jokester and brings up how he ate an entire loaf of French bread for lunch last week.)

Classmate: “Yeah, my parents got kind of mad about that.”

Teacher: “Well, that’s because it doesn’t seem very healthy.”

Classmate: “They weren’t mad at first when I told them. The reason they got mad was because later that day I made a whole bunch of croissants and ate the whole batch.”

(The whole class laughs, including the teacher.)

Teacher: “You need to get some protein into your diet.”

Classmate: “Yeah, I know. That’s why, for lunch today, I ate an entire package of salami.”

Chocolate Cures Everything

, , , , , , | Hopeless | October 14, 2017

I used to be a girl scout. Cookie season rolled around, and my troop was scheduled to sell them outside of a convenience store sometime very early in the year. Of course, this meant it was very cold outside.

Not many people bought cookies or even walked into the store, and we were freezing, tired, and miserable.

After a while, I went into the store to go to the bathroom and warm up a bit. When I came outside, my troop leader was holding several steaming cups of hot chocolate.

I asked her where she had gotten them, and she said that she didn’t buy them. Apparently, a woman had seen us outside the store and decided to buy them for us from a nearby fast food joint. I completely missed her!

Thank you, random woman! You made my dreary day much brighter, and the hot chocolate was delicious.

Not Uniform Behavior

, , , , , , | Friendly | October 16, 2014

(We’ve just come home from a nearly year-long deployment and we’re at our homecoming, where I’m looking for my wife in the crowd. She spots me, comes running up, and jumps… on my buddy, who is next to me. In her defense, we all look the same in our uniforms.)

Wife: “Ahhhh! I can’t believe you’re home! I’ve missed you so much!”

Buddy: “Oh… I missed you, too!”

(My wife leans in to kiss my buddy.)

Me: “Whoooooa there, [Buddy]! You wanna put my wife down?”

Wife: *realizing what’s she’s done and jumps down* “OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!”

Me: “When were you gonna tell her, man?”

Buddy: “I was going to… eventually!”

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