Don’t Drink And Parent

, , , , , , | Learning | July 19, 2018

(My sixteen-year-old daughter is taking drivers’ education at her school. The first part takes place in the classroom, followed by practical experience driving a car. Parents are allowed to attend the classroom part if they wish.)

Instructor: “Now, the law for drinking and driving for new drivers is very strict. It’s a zero-tolerance policy.”

(The mother of one of the kids raises her hand.)

Mother: “What does that mean?”

Instructor: “That means that your kids won’t be allowed to have any alcohol if they’re going to be driving within a certain timeframe.”

Mother: “I don’t get it.”

Instructor: “It’s actually very simple. If your kid will be driving within [number of hours], they can’t have any alcohol.”

Mother:None?

Instructor: “None.”

Mother: “But let’s say that my son is at a party, and he’s going to be there for an hour; it’s okay if he has just one beer, right?”

Instructor: *stares at her* “No.”

Mother:No? But it’s just one beer!”

Instructor: *starting to lose patience* “No alcohol. Period.”

Mother: “But—”

Instructor: “NO. ALCOHOL.”

Mother: “…”

(Her son looked mortified.)

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A Cycle (P)ride

, , , , , | Related | May 14, 2018

(My brother and I take a two-day motorcycle course over the summer. It is a state-certified program meant to teach the practical skills needed to ride in a safe environment. My brother has always been protective, but in the strange older-brother kind of way. He says that it’s okay if I drop the bike or fall over; that people will only laugh a little. This happens when we are taking a break the second day. I am heading one way, and my brother the opposite way.)

Instructor: “Uh, [My Name]? Your brother isn’t moving.”

(I look, and sure enough he’s tripped over a small, hanging chain and is lying on his back on the ground.)

Me: “You okay?” *he nods* “You need a hand?” *he shakes his head* “You just want to lay there for a second?” *a nod* “How’s your pride?”

Brother: “Kind of hurts.”

(He managed to crack the visor on the helmet he was carrying, and scraped up his elbow. He was the only one all weekend to need any type of bandages. I stayed upright the whole time. He still hasn’t lived it down.)

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Should Have Paid More Attention In Regular School

, , , | Learning | February 24, 2018

(I work at a motorcycle training school. A boy rings for training for him and his dad. We have motorcycle training for learners which is done every two years; this is cheaper on renewal than the first time you do it. The boy is asking for two slots, one for him and one for his dad.)

Me: “Okay, as a deal, we’ll do that for £200 for the both of you.”

(It turns out his is a renewal and it’s a first-time course for his dad.)

Me: “Oh, in that case, it’s £80 for you and £110 for your dad.”

Caller: “But you said £200 for both!”

Me: “Well, okay, then. As I promised, we’ll do it for £200 between you.”

Caller: “Great, thanks! See you next weekend!”

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It Drives In The Family

, , , , , , , , , | Related | January 23, 2018

(I have received a speeding ticket, and as it’s not my first, I need to attend a government-run “re-training” session at a local school to teach me about the consequences of speeding. I walk into the classroom, and bump into my brother.)

Me: “What are you doing here?”

Brother: “I could ask you the same thing!”

Me: “Did you get a ticket?”

Brother: “Yeah, did you?”

Me: “Yeah, I was told I had to attend this class.”

Brother: “Oh, man. Me, too!” *his eyes go wide* “Seriously?”

(I follow his gaze and see our mom walk into the room.)

Mom: “What are you two doing here?”

(We establish that all three of us have received speeding tickets recently, none of which have been our first. The class starts and the teacher is taking roll-call.)

Teacher: “[My Name] [My Last Name].”

Me: “Here.”

Teacher: “[Brother] [My Last Name].”

Brother: “Here.”

Teacher: “[Mom] [My Last Name].”

Mom: “Here.”

(The teacher looks up after reading the three names in a row, to see the three of us sat together. We all look alike.)

Teacher: “Are you related?”

Mom: “They’re my sons.”

Teacher: “Who taught them how to drive?”

Mom: “I did.”

Teacher: “Figures.”

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They Don’t Teach You THAT In Driver’s Ed

, , , | Learning | December 11, 2017

After being tailgated twice in two days, I remembered a story my Driver’s Ed teacher told us:

When he was a teen and newly licensed driver, he had the loan of his dad’s car. Unfortunately for him, he either wasn’t paying attention or didn’t notice a short concrete post when he backed up, and he did some severe damage to the tail end. He drove around a bit thinking, “Oh, God… what am I going to tell my dad? He’s going to kill me.” Then he got an idea.

He was wearing his seatbelt and was traveling city streets, so wasn’t driving fast. He deliberately drove slower and waited until he got a tailgater. Then he slammed on the brakes, and the inevitable happened.

He got out shouting, “Look what you did to my dad’s car!”

The other guy got the ticket, had his insurance pay for the repairs, and probably got a raise in rates. And guess what? It was perfectly legal of my teacher.

It’s your responsibility to maintain a safe stopping distance… not the driver in front of you. A driver CAN bring a car to a stop for whatever reason.

Just keep that in mind next time you get the urge to get on someone’s tail on the road: he just might REALLY be asking for it.

 

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