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When You Have To Baby Customers

, , | Right | September 11, 2021

Customer: *Holding a package of ground veal* “Is this pork?”

Me: “It’s veal.”

Customer: “So… lamb?”

Me: “Um… no. It’s calf.”

She gives me a blank stare.

Me: “It’s… ah… very young cow.”

Customer: “So like a baby… cow?!”

Me: “Basically.”

She gives me a look of disgust and throws the veal down.

Customer: “How can you be part of an industry that would do that to a baby?! I’ll just take ground beef.”

Having A Little Piece Of Beef On The Side

, , , , | Right | August 27, 2021

The phone rings.

Me: “Meat department, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. Did you serve an older man in his early fifties with salt and pepper hair? He would have been buying a couple of steaks?”

Me: “Um… I’m not sure. We’ve served a bunch of customers today.”

Customer: “I’m in there all the time with my husband. He’s really tall and good-looking. I’ve got short brown hair. Did you serve him?”

Me: “I mean, it’s possible. Was there a problem with the steaks?”

Customer: “No. I’m out of town. I think my husband is cheating on me. That’s why I wanted to know how many steaks he bought. It’s just him this week; he shouldn’t be buying two. Can you guys check the transactions?”

Me: “That’s not really something we can do. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Next time I come in, I’ll introduce myself so you can keep an eye out.”

The Kid Thinks He’s The Big Cheese

, , , , | Right | August 5, 2021

I work on the deli counter of a large supermarket chain. When people ask for four ounces or “a quarter” of an item, we usually ask, “Just under or over?” as sliced items don’t always weigh exactly four ounces. A mother and teenage son are shopping together, and he has an attitude.

Mother: “A quarter of ham, please.”

I lift a few slices onto the scale and show her that four slices is “just under” and five slices is “just over.”

Mother: *Smiles* “Just over, please.”

The son mutters and glares at me.

Son: “We asked for four ounces.”

He folds his arms and continues to glare angrily at me, while his mother moves onto cheese, of which we cut off a large block.

Mother: “Four ounces of the cheddar, please.”

I’ve been doing this long enough to cut accurately to weight, but he thought I was about to do it “wrong” again. I looked him dead in the eye as I cut the cheese and placed it on the scale for it to weigh exactly four ounces. It was very satisfying for him to register what had happened, blush, and storm off. His mother just gave me a knowing smile.

A Ham-Fisted Attempt To Poison Themselves

, , , , | Right | August 4, 2021

I work in supermarket deli and I get a customer who asks me if she can taste test the sliced ham. She is standing in front of the short-cut bacon section that has giant special tickets up surrounding it.

Me: “Sure, our ham is just down this way, which one would you like to taste-test?”

Customer: “That one!” *Pointing at the bacon*

Me: “Ma’am, that’s our bacon.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t. I want to try it.”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t give you raw bacon, ma’am.”

Customer: *Still pointing at the bacon* “I don’t want the bacon. I want that ham!”

Me: *Pointing at the other end of the case* “That is bacon; our ham is kept down there.”

Customer: “You just don’t want to give away free food!”

She stormed off. No helping some people.

Has No Backbone For Eating Real Food

, , , | Right | August 4, 2021

Customer: “Why do you take the marrow out of your pork chops?! I can’t believe you do that!”

Me: “Marrow? We don’t take the marrow out. That’s almost impossible to do.”

Customer: “Yes, you do. When I get pork chops from [Competitor], they have the marrow in them. I buy them here, no marrow.”

Me: “I promise you; we don’t remove any marrow.”

Customer: *Pointing to the chop* “Right here. No marrow!”

Me: “Um… we remove that, but that’s not bone marrow.”

Customer: “Then what is it?”

Me: “Um… the spinal cord.”

Customer: “…Am I gonna get sick?”