I have a coworker who is pushing sixty but acts like she is still twenty-something. Due to a situation where she tried to get me fired to deflect from the fact she wasn’t doing her job and her general tendency to be verbally and mentally abusive, I actively try to avoid being alone with her, in-person and on the phone. I instead try to get her to email me exclusively, which gives the added benefit of a paper trail. It helps that she never calls or texts about anything important.

However, she has gotten into the habit of passive-aggressively asking pointless questions repeatedly to try to get a response or complain I am not being responsive. It doesn’t matter if she has asked me in front of her boss five times before or if the question has nothing to do with what I am working on; she will ask again for the sole intent of being a brat.

I receive a text message telling me to call her. I ignore it because I am working on a time-sensitive task and we work in completely different departments with very little overlap. She doesn’t need me to do her job. Five minutes later, I get a ping in the client chat. This is something ANY client can see and should be used to alert to any downtime.

Coworker: “Hi, [My Name]. Please call me right now. It is important.”

I called her. She called to complain that her boss was getting some of her text messages and not responding to others. That was all. Mind you, I am practically the second-lowest on the totem pole. There is nothing I can do. I had to bite my tongue so as not to explain why he might possibly be ignoring her needy butt.

Clients were not happy.

I am the manager of a popular clothing store. We have a few people quit while we are shut down during the public health scare, so I need to hire new associates when we reopen.

I interview a girl with a lot of retail experience and it goes well so I hire her. She approaches me when she clocks in for her first shift.

Coworker: “I want to warn you about something and I was afraid to say this during the interview because I thought you wouldn’t hire me.”

Huge red flag.

Coworker: “There is something about me where customers think they can make up stuff about me and things I say. It has happened at all my jobs multiple times. I don’t know what it is about me but I can guarantee it will happen.”

Now I’m nervous. I don’t know what to think of what she said, but I figure I will keep an eye on her. Her first few shifts go fine. About two or three weeks after hiring her, I hear her talking to a guest who has just entered.

Coworker: “Welcome to [Store]! Is there anything I can help you find?”

Customer: “We’re looking for jeans for my husband.”

Coworker: “Great! All of our [Brand] jeans are on sale for $19.99.”

Customer: *Looks at her husband* “Oh, honey, [Brand] is your favorite! And they’re only $19.99? We’ll check them out, thank you!”

The customers walk away and I continue with my duties. About twenty minutes later, there’s a commotion at the register.

Customer: *Screaming* “I don’t care what they ran up as! She—” *points to the new coworker* “—told me they were $14.99 each and you need to honor that price!”

My jaw dropped. I looked at my coworker who just sighed. They eventually asked for a manager and I refused to sell the jeans for $14.99. I’m so happy I witnessed this because I wouldn’t have believed it if I didn’t see it myself.

We bring cakes to work for our birthdays. I normally buy plenty as they never seem to last. I joke that it’s like feeding time at the zoo. [Coworker #1] is the worst; she’ll see you come into the office and you can’t even get the cakes out of the shopping bag before she starts eating. Then, she’ll go back several times trying to be sneaky, but she never is.

Honestly, it annoys me at first; she leaves nothing for the other shift, even if I mark up a box for them.

One birthday, as I am leaving, I notice that there are loads left. On my way out, I shout to the next shift that there are some upstairs and to grab what they want, and then I head home.

[Coworker #1] accosts me the next morning.

Coworker #1: “So, it was your birthday yesterday?”

Me: “Good morning, [Coworker #1]. Yes, it was.”

Coworker #1: “So, cakes?”

Me: “Oh, sorry, I didn’t realise you weren’t here. Yes, there might be something left in the kitchen. I’m not sure if they have been in the fridge or not.”

She mutters something under her breath; I catch something about saving some for her. She comes back in with the remaining boxes.

Coworker #1: “Well, it’s not my favourite, but I guess it’s something.” 

I ignore her. Apparently, she eats the rest of the cakes throughout the morning. She starts complaining more than usual, and then at lunch, she disappears.

Coworker #2: *Looking through the box* “[Coworker #1] doesn’t leave much for anyone else, huh?”

Me: “Oh, don’t eat the cream ones; they have been sitting in a warm kitchen all night.”

Coworker #2: “[Coworker #1] ate two full boxes already!”

Me: “Wow, I wonder if we will see her today.”

She took the next two days off. She blamed me, of course, but no one took her seriously.

I work in an independent hardware store and customers bring their dogs in with them. I like animals and like to say hi to them. I call for assistance at my register when a customer comes up with their dog. Just as my coworker walks up:

Me: “Hello, sweetheart.”

I pause and look at my coworker.

Me: “That was to the dog.” 

Coworker: “I figured.”

You can’t be too careful.

I work in a local cafe. We had a particularly busy lunch rush and ran out of several pastries, so I am in the back making more. One of my coworkers passes by and stops to stare in bewilderment as I spray the bear claws with egg wash.

Coworker: “Remind me not to eat the bear claws.”

Me: *Thoroughly confused* “Uh, why not?”

He takes a closer look at the egg wash bottle and starts laughing.

Coworker: “Oh, man, I thought you were spraying chemicals on them!”

I started laughing, too. Granted, the egg wash looks similar to the bottled cleaners we have, but it is about half their size, is a completely different color, and has “Egg Wash” written on it in big black letters. Even without all that, why would anyone think that someone would spray chemicals on the food? The egg wash isn’t even stored anywhere near the chemicals.