I was an overworked supervisor at a fast-food-type bakery chain that cooked pies and sausage rolls from frozen. A colleague accidentally baked a whole tray — around twenty — of a seasonal product that looked similar to but was not sausage rolls. At best, we usually sold two or three of these special bakes an hour, and it was toward the end of lunch so I knew we wouldn’t shift them normally.

I packaged them up in packs of four and discounted them heavily because I’d get in trouble for having a lot of wastage if we didn’t sell them. Of course, we were short of actual sausage rolls for a while because he put the wrong tray in the first time around.

When I got the second tray out, guess what? It was another full tray of special bakes. I almost killed him.

I have never met anyone like [Coworker]. Nothing is her fault and no one can tell her otherwise. If she makes a mistake at work, well, the computer must have done it. If her kids are failing school, it’s those teachers to blame.

Most of us are used to her now and tune her out. Even her boss just straight-up ignores her bulls*** unless it’s a big mistake. It’s such a daily experience and “normal” that no one considers what would happen if, say, a senior director from another office got into range of the [Coworker] propaganda weapon that is her mouth.

It is me that notices first. She leaves the office and finds the meeting room the director is using and invites herself in. I rush back to the office and find [Coworker]’s boss.

Me: “You know the visiting director?”

Boss: “Don’t I ever. I have a session with him later. I am not looking forward to that.”

Me: “Well, [Coworker] has found him and is talking his ear.”

Boss: “Oh, right.” *Realises* “Oh, s***!”

He rushes past me and to the office. I think they will be straight back, but over an hour later, I’m called into the room.

Director: “And you are [My Name]? Is that correct?”

Me: “That’s me. Can I help?”

Director: “There seems to be some ‘confusion’ about the systems and issues. You are in the right role to help clarify?”

Me: “I will certainly try. What’s the issue?”

Director: “I’m told that [database] is currently down and none of the links work, and this is causing us to have—” *checks notes* “—massive delays. This is your responsibility, no?”

Me: “We had four hours of planned downtime and no further issues. Some employees didn’t follow company process and kept local copies, causing major issues.”

Director: “Hmm, interesting. What about the [software] that is way behind schedule?”

Me: “[Software] has no planned start date and is not critical to the company. It was merely mentioned as a future opportunity. Some employees do not quite understand this yet but it was well communicated.”

This carried on for some time. Each of [Coworker]’s snipes and complaints were completely fabricated or her own doing! [Coworker] got a warning and tried to transfer out of the department, but no one would take her! As it wasn’t just me she tried to blame, the whole office stopped talking to her. She probably thinks that isn’t her fault, either. But at least I don’t have to hear it all day now.

As I’m going about my business on the shop floor, I spot a lost toy unattended. I immediately pick the bunny up, check for damage, and then look around. There are no shoppers with young children in sight. I head to take it to customer service. I find one aisle on my route with multiple pushchairs and whatnot, including one child on the verge of tears. I decide to take a shot in the dark.

Me: *Loudly* “EXCUSE ME! Does anybody recognise this bunny?”

Mum: “Oh, my goodness, YES! Oh, you’re my hero!”

It’s the mum of the nearly crying child, so I return BunBuns and the child immediately resumes smiling. The mum thanks me and then tends to her child. Unfortunately, right at this moment, an infamously grumpy coworker who’s terrible with children makes her presence known, and it seems she saw what happened.

Coworker: *To the child* “You were silly to let go of that!” *To the mum* “And you should know better, trusting him with something so easy to lose in a supermarket of all places!”

She stomped off, completely oblivious to the dirty stares she was receiving. The mum was taken aback, and the child started crying. Thanks, [Coworker]. I really appreciate you undoing my good deed like that.

I’m in a production of “Amadeus” for a local theatre and they have decided to help promote the show by having me and the actress playing Constanze be in a car for the State Fair parade. That morning, we get to the staging area to get ready for the parade. I have my costume, but I didn’t get into it at home, not wanting to wear it more than I have to or drive in an eighteenth-century outfit of brocade. They don’t really have any sort of costume changing area, just the bathroom of one of the stores for which we are using the parking lot.

So, having met up with Constanze and gathered my things, I head off to the bathroom… only to realize I have forgotten part of the costume. I head back, get it, and go off to the bathroom again… only to realize I have forgotten yet another part of the costume. I go back to get it. I tell Constanze as I pass her to go back to my car:

Me: “I’d forget my head if it wasn’t attached.”

She laughs a bit since she, too, has a huge number of pieces for her costume, but she has managed to remember everything. Since her car was closer to the bathroom, she has agreed to let me store my street clothes, wig head, etc. in her car.

The parade goes by with me doing my Mozart laugh for a few miles and we get back to the staging area. I get changed back into my regular clothes, tell Stanzi that I’ll see her that evening for the show, and start toward my car with all of my clothes.

Then, I hear her calling me.

Constanze: “[MY NAME]! YOU FORGOT YOUR HEAD!”

I turn around to see her holding up my wig head.

Me: “IT WASN’T ATTACHED!”

[Coworker] is not a bad guy; he just doesn’t understand kids, people who have kids, or why people with kids can’t, say, drop everything at a moment’s notice and go drinking with him. He actually called me stupid for taking my young children on holiday because “What’s the point? They won’t remember it.” (It was a long weekend and we had great fun.)

We are in the break room. I’m just grabbing my things before I drive over to the nearby supermarket.

Coworker: “Pick me up a [drink], would you, please?”

Me: “Do they sell that at the shop?”

Coworker: “They do at [Other Shop].”

Me: “Oh, sorry, I won’t have time to go to both. I’m nipping home, as well.”

Coworker: “Just go to [Other Shop], then.”

Me: “No can do, I’m afraid. They don’t sell the weaning food they like.”

Coworker: “Just get anything.”

Me: “What, you mean your drink?”

Coworker: “No, the food. Get them anything. They’re only kids; make them eat it.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s not how it works.”

Coworker: “Don’t be difficult.”

Me: “I’m not being difficult. You, a grown man, won’t drink a slightly different drink, and now you can go without.”

He actually wouldn’t talk to me for weeks afterward.