I was walking to my car after work and a coworker was already at her car. She saw me and started ranting about some damage done to her car. I asked her what was wrong and she said her car was all scratched up by a coworker of ours and to come to look.

Coworker: “That b**** scratched up my car and [Boss] didn’t do anything about it. Just look at it.”

I looked at the damage: a bunch of scratches above and on the inside area of the driver’s door handle.

Me: “Oh… That… looks like it was caused by long nails.”

Coworker: *Stutters* “Uh, yeah, she had long nails. I can’t believe she did this.”

She ranted a bit more but trailed off and got in her car and just left. Her nails? Suuuuper long and, oddly enough, the same color as the scratches on her car.

A while back, I donated a kidney and so was out of work for about a month while recovering. When I finally went back to work, my coworkers understandably had some questions, and during our discussion, I confessed that I had internally put off the donation for a month so the surgery would happen in the new year, thus allowing me to sign up for short-term disability and therefore allowing me to get paid while I was recovering. One coworker seemed mildly offended by this fact.

Coworker: “But you knew you were having the surgery. Isn’t that like fraud or something to sign up for disability and then disable yourself?”

Me: “Not at all. In fact, I even called the agency to ensure they would cover recovery from a donation before signing up so they knew exactly what I was doing. It can’t be fraud if you tell them exactly what you’re planning!”

Coworker: “So, if I want to take a month off, I can just sign up for disability and then shoot myself in the foot?”

Me: “I suppose so, but here is a radical idea. Instead of shooting yourself, maybe you could try something a bit safer to get disability, like, oh, I don’t know, donating your kidney to someone, instead?”

Apparently, my coworker didn’t want that month of vacation enough to take me up on my suggestion on how he could earn it.

I have a coworker who is pushing sixty but acts like she is still twenty-something. Due to a situation where she tried to get me fired to deflect from the fact she wasn’t doing her job and her general tendency to be verbally and mentally abusive, I actively try to avoid being alone with her, in-person and on the phone. I instead try to get her to email me exclusively, which gives the added benefit of a paper trail. It helps that she never calls or texts about anything important.

However, she has gotten into the habit of passive-aggressively asking pointless questions repeatedly to try to get a response or complain I am not being responsive. It doesn’t matter if she has asked me in front of her boss five times before or if the question has nothing to do with what I am working on; she will ask again for the sole intent of being a brat.

I receive a text message telling me to call her. I ignore it because I am working on a time-sensitive task and we work in completely different departments with very little overlap. She doesn’t need me to do her job. Five minutes later, I get a ping in the client chat. This is something ANY client can see and should be used to alert to any downtime.

Coworker: “Hi, [My Name]. Please call me right now. It is important.”

I called her. She called to complain that her boss was getting some of her text messages and not responding to others. That was all. Mind you, I am practically the second-lowest on the totem pole. There is nothing I can do. I had to bite my tongue so as not to explain why he might possibly be ignoring her needy butt.

Clients were not happy.

I am the manager of a popular clothing store. We have a few people quit while we are shut down during the public health scare, so I need to hire new associates when we reopen.

I interview a girl with a lot of retail experience and it goes well so I hire her. She approaches me when she clocks in for her first shift.

Coworker: “I want to warn you about something and I was afraid to say this during the interview because I thought you wouldn’t hire me.”

Huge red flag.

Coworker: “There is something about me where customers think they can make up stuff about me and things I say. It has happened at all my jobs multiple times. I don’t know what it is about me but I can guarantee it will happen.”

Now I’m nervous. I don’t know what to think of what she said, but I figure I will keep an eye on her. Her first few shifts go fine. About two or three weeks after hiring her, I hear her talking to a guest who has just entered.

Coworker: “Welcome to [Store]! Is there anything I can help you find?”

Customer: “We’re looking for jeans for my husband.”

Coworker: “Great! All of our [Brand] jeans are on sale for $19.99.”

Customer: *Looks at her husband* “Oh, honey, [Brand] is your favorite! And they’re only $19.99? We’ll check them out, thank you!”

The customers walk away and I continue with my duties. About twenty minutes later, there’s a commotion at the register.

Customer: *Screaming* “I don’t care what they ran up as! She—” *points to the new coworker* “—told me they were $14.99 each and you need to honor that price!”

My jaw dropped. I looked at my coworker who just sighed. They eventually asked for a manager and I refused to sell the jeans for $14.99. I’m so happy I witnessed this because I wouldn’t have believed it if I didn’t see it myself.

We bring cakes to work for our birthdays. I normally buy plenty as they never seem to last. I joke that it’s like feeding time at the zoo. [Coworker #1] is the worst; she’ll see you come into the office and you can’t even get the cakes out of the shopping bag before she starts eating. Then, she’ll go back several times trying to be sneaky, but she never is.

Honestly, it annoys me at first; she leaves nothing for the other shift, even if I mark up a box for them.

One birthday, as I am leaving, I notice that there are loads left. On my way out, I shout to the next shift that there are some upstairs and to grab what they want, and then I head home.

[Coworker #1] accosts me the next morning.

Coworker #1: “So, it was your birthday yesterday?”

Me: “Good morning, [Coworker #1]. Yes, it was.”

Coworker #1: “So, cakes?”

Me: “Oh, sorry, I didn’t realise you weren’t here. Yes, there might be something left in the kitchen. I’m not sure if they have been in the fridge or not.”

She mutters something under her breath; I catch something about saving some for her. She comes back in with the remaining boxes.

Coworker #1: “Well, it’s not my favourite, but I guess it’s something.” 

I ignore her. Apparently, she eats the rest of the cakes throughout the morning. She starts complaining more than usual, and then at lunch, she disappears.

Coworker #2: *Looking through the box* “[Coworker #1] doesn’t leave much for anyone else, huh?”

Me: “Oh, don’t eat the cream ones; they have been sitting in a warm kitchen all night.”

Coworker #2: “[Coworker #1] ate two full boxes already!”

Me: “Wow, I wonder if we will see her today.”

She took the next two days off. She blamed me, of course, but no one took her seriously.