It’s not uncommon for there to be cakes in the office due to birthdays, weddings, or just a good sale on at the nearby bakery. All cakes get put in the little kitchen area and are free for anyone to take. It’s a good system and most people treat it fairly.

On my way to work, I pick up a few large boxes of cookies and a couple of tray bakes. I also buy a large box of savory items. I place all the cakes on the kitchen side and write a note, “[My Name]’s birthday,” and leave it there. The savoury stuff goes under my desk as I have plans for it later.

At the morning tea break, I go to grab a cookie to find nothing left. It’s surprising; there should have been enough for everyone. A bit disappointed, I go to the shop and buy something else.

On my way back to my desk, I notice my other box has disappeared, as well. I check everywhere in the kitchen and surrounding desks, and even the trash. It’s gone. 

Coworker #1: “What are you looking for?”

Me: “A box of food. I put it under my desk?”

Coworker #1: “Is it not with not with others?”

Me: “No, that box is being donated. Did you see anyone near here?”

Coworker #1: “No. Oh, wait! Yes. [Coworker #2] was sitting there a while ago, when you weren’t here. Try asking her; she might have seen something.”

I go to her desk.

Me: “Hey, did you see a box underneath my desk? [Coworker #1] said you were over there.”

Coworker #2: “No, sorry. What was it?”

Me: “It was food. I put it aside for later.”

Coworker #2:  “Sorry, I didn’t see your pastries.”

Me: “Wait. I didn’t tell you what was in the box. Did you take it?”

Coworker #2: “What? No, I just assumed.”

Me: “That box is going to a small charity where I live. I want the box back.”

Coworker #2: “I didn’t take it.” *Storms off*

I was annoyed. I talked to my boss, who talked to security. They showed me the CCTV and, [Coworker #2] clearly took the box from my desk. Another camera showed her at her car, putting the box in her boot and stuffing food in her face.

They went to look for [Coworker #2] and took her to recover the box, only to find it not in her boot. Once again, they checked the cameras. It seemed that she went to her car to get the box after I called her out, instead of admitting it. She threw it in the bin!

I did manage to buy a second box in time. It was for a local childcare charity. They have little to no funding and they rely on charity and donations to be able to offer reduced childcare for struggling families

When [Coworker #2] was confronted about what she did, she still refused to apologise or pay me back. When the company had layoffs later that year, she didn’t survive.

I’m a software engineer, aka programmer, aka code monkey. I share a cubicle with one other programmer who has a tendency to talk to himself on occasion. He says it helps him focus and he already spoke to me about it. I assured him it didn’t bother me.

One day, while working, I hear him muttering.

Coworker: “Curse you, computer. Why you no work?”

A few minutes later:

Coworker: “Ahhhh. That’s why. Got you now…”

A few minutes later:

Coworker: “But then… why does it work at all?”

I couldn’t help but feel that he had accidentally summed up what it means to be a programmer in those few minutes of debugging. Either it won’t work when it’s supposed to, or you don’t know how it is working when it shouldn’t be.

I’m in pretty good shape, but I like to eat, so it’s a happy balance of regular exercise and the occasional treat. I realise that I will never have a six-pack, but I’m a really healthy weight and have come really far.

Occasionally, I will have a bit of a treat day, skip the workout, and eat what I want for the day. On one of these days, I decide to grab a take-out for lunch and drive by the donut shop for something sweet. I get back to my desk and dig in. From nowhere, [Coworker] appears.

Coworker: “I wish I could eat anything and be thin.”

Me: “Oh, to be fair, I do exercise every day and go for—”

Coworker: *Interrupting* “I mean, if I ate that, I would just be even fatter than I am now. You are so lucky.”

Me: “Well, it’s not really luck. I am really careful with what I eat and how much I treat—”

Coworker: *Not listening at all now* “I think I’ve always been this way.”

Me: “Well, great talking to you. I’m going to eat my food now.”

Coworker: *Walking away* “So lucky.”

Nothing like being told hours of hard work every week and maintaining a healthy diet is just “luck” or, as she implied, purely genetics. The funny thing is that when I first met [Coworker], she did all she could to sneer at my healthy lunches. It’s funny how people “forget” and edit their narrative to suit them and what they want to believe.

We’ve always had an issue with food going missing from the lunchroom; most of the time, it looked like an honest or stupid mistake. When that turned into whole meals disappearing, we complained, but the building owners refused to let the company install a camera. We then realised it was up to us.

We knew the thief didn’t take the whole lunch box, rather the contents, sometimes from more than one lunch at a time. Some of the items couldn’t be smuggled back from the kitchen as they were too big. That meant the items must be still in the fridge but in another lunch bag.

There were several large ones, but we couldn’t go through them and had no proof to go to management. So, we hatched a plan.

We each took turns sneaking to the fridge and checking to see if the thief had struck, and another person jotted down the names of everyone who went into the kitchen and what time.

When it was my turn to check, I found my lunch half gone. Luckily, the manager was nearby.

Me: “Someone has stolen my food and food from others.”

Boss: “Oh, not again.” *Loudly* “Listen, everyone. We take a serious view of theft in this company. Anyone caught will face consequences!”

Coworker #1: “Here is a list of everyone that has gone to the fridge.”

Boss: “What are these stars next to the names?”

Me: “They are the people that have volunteered to check the fridge and have had things stolen from them in the past.”

He reads through the list.

Boss: “[Coworker #2], can you come with me, please, and bring your lunch with you?”

Coworker #2: “What? No! I haven’t done anything wrong.”

Boss: “No one said you had, but I would like to talk with you.”

Coworker #2: “Well, I refuse, and my lunch box is my personal property!”

Boss: “We can do it this way or with police presence.”

[Coworker #2] folds her arms, calling his bluff.

Coworker #3: “I’m on the phone to the station now; they want to know if they need to attend.”

Boss: *Sighs* “Tell them please do.”

The police attended and took [Coworker #2] to one side, all the time screaming her innocence. They bring me in to confirm the stolen food was mine. Part of the plan was to initial all lunch items with our names; we found food from three other people in her massive lunch box. None of us wanted to press charges, but they couldn’t keep her on as no one wanted to work with her.

The weird thing was that [Coworker #2] always had her own lunch — normally a really healthy meal — but never finished it. Now we know why she was stealing chocolate bars and crisps from others.

I work in a small engineering office for a manufacturing company. I’ve been on the shop floor and am entering the office through the door, which I open (I thought) as normal. Apparently not.

Admin Assistant: “Don’t open the door so violently! You’re getting as bad as [Coworker #1].”

Me: “Was I? My apologies. I shall endeavour to open it in a calmer manner so I don’t become unhinged.”

As I go to sit down, I’m waiting for some comment, but there is nothing.

Me: “What, no reaction?”

Admin Assistant: “Nope!”

Coworker #2: “Well, I just silently shook my head.”

Me: “Oh, well.”

Just then, the door is flung open. [Coworker #1] enters and makes his way to his desk.

Me: *To [Coworker #1]* “Apparently, I open the door too violently.”

Coworker #1: “Who said that?”

Admin Assistant: “I did! You know I’m always telling you not to open the door so wildly; [My Name] is doing it just as badly.”

Me: “And she never even reacted to my pun!”

Coworker #1: “What pun was that?”

Me: “I said I would try to open it more calmly so I don’t become unhinged. Not even a groan! Maybe she likes my puns now. Maybe she… a doors them.”

Just then, from the other side of the office, comes a strangled noise.

Admin Assistant: “Urgh!”

I stick my arm in the air triumphantly.

Me: “There it is!”