Not The Brightest Spark

, , , , , | Right | September 6, 2018

(I work at a fairly popular oil change service center where we do much more than just oil changes. This conversation happens more often than it should.)

Me: “And your manufacturer recommends having your spark plugs replaced every 105,000 miles.”

Customer: “I don’t think my car has spark plugs.”

(I stare at the customer to see if she’s kidding:)

Me: “Do you put gas in your car?”

Customer: “Yes?”

Me: “Then it has spark plugs.”

Unfiltered Story #116503

, , | Unfiltered | July 18, 2018

(I work in a retail store where a survey prints out after every receipt and often customers confuse this for the actual receipt when doing returns. My store also has a huge shoplifting problem so we have a strict policy on returns. No receipt means you can either do an exchange, or wait for a gift certificate to be mailed to you)

Elderly gentleman: “Hi, I’d like to return this.” *hands me a sweatshirt*

Me: “Alright y! Do you have the receipt?”

Him: “Yes, right here.” *Hands me a survey*

Me: “Oh… I’m sorry, sir, this is actually for a survey and not the real receipt.”

Him: “Well,  that’s all I got!”

Me: “Oh, well, did you happen to use a card for this purchase? We can look it up that way, too.”

Him: “It was a gift! I don’t know how they bought it!”

Me: “Well, unfortunately,  in that case I can only give you what the current selling price of it is, and you can either exchange it for something of the same value, or I can have store credit mailed to you.”

Him: “Well, how much is it?”

Me: “Let me check… looks like $7.99”

Him: “Just give me the store credit and I’ll go buy something today.”

Me: “Well,  if you want to switch it out for something else, then go hang on to this, and when you make up your mind bring your items back up, and I can swap it out for you.”

Him: “I’m not going to take it with me! Why can’t you just give me store credit?!”

Me: “I can, it’s just going to have to be mailed to you. If you want to buy something today, you’ll have to find the items you want first.”

Him: “I’M JUST GOING TO THROW IT AWAY, THEN!” *Storms out of store*

Blind Assumption

, , , , , | Right | July 10, 2018

(I have a somewhat short haircut that falls mostly to my left side, which has a tendency to cover my left eye, especially when my hands are full and I can’t fix it. I keep this particular style because my eye is a bit lazy and I like to cover it up.)

Customer: *seemingly rather annoyed and in a rude tone* “How can you stand your hair blocking your eye like that? It would drive me insane!”

Me: *taken aback by his tone* “Well… Um… I’m actually mostly blind in that eye, so I don’t really see much out of it, anyway.”

Customer: “Oh.” *obviously seeing the mistake in his assumption, quickly grabs his change and items and runs off*

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The Day The Interstate Was Won

, , , , , | Right | June 15, 2018

(My wife and I are looking at jewelry in the Old Town section of Albuquerque, which is a tourist destination, and I am making small talk with the owner.)

Me: “What’s the silliest question a tourist has ever asked you?”

Owner: “Easy. ‘Is it safe to drive the interstates out here?’”

Me: “Huh?”

Owner: “That’s what I said. He said, ‘Well, because of all the Indian attacks on wagon trains.’”

Me: “I don’t have any idea what to say to that.”

Owner: “Neither did I.”

Was Going For Cinematic Dramatism

, , , , , , | Right | January 8, 2018

(I am a customer overhearing this exchange. The time is 6:45, and the movie starts at 7:00. It’s the opening weekend of a huge blockbuster, so we’re all waiting in line.)

Lady: “They say there’s a 15-minute wait! They’re going to make us stand around for fifteen minutes!”

(No one says anything.)


(No one responds. She does this four or five more times.)


(The lady slinked off back to her place in line, while everyone else laughed.)

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