(At the end of my undergrad, I started working at a small local coffee shop. I end up graduating a semester early and decide to work at the shop full time until the lease on my apartment is up. When I switch to full-time, I work with an older woman who isn’t quite up-to-date on her science. This happens right as we get a new light roast, so we offer light, medium, and dark.)

Coworker: “Hi guys, would you like to try our new light roast today?”

Customer #1: “No, thanks; I’d rather have the dark roast. More caffeine.”

Coworker: “Actually, lighter roasts have more caffeine than darker roasts!”

Customer #2: “Wait, really? Why?”

Coworker: “Because roasting the beans longer makes more caffeine evaporate out of the beans!”

Me: “Um… that’s not how that works.”

(I work in a coffee shop situated on a strip of psychic shops in a downtown “witch city.” It is one of our busiest days.)

Customer: *cutting to the front of the line* “I have a question.”

Me: *continuing to make drinks* “Okay, shoot.”

Customer: “What are the hours of the psychic shop next door?”

(Baffled because the hours of said shop are in enormous white lettering on the shop window, I just look at her.)

Customer: “Well?”

Me: “I’m sorry. I don’t know off the top of my head, but if you—”

Customer: *loudly* “What do you mean you don’t know?”

Me: “I’m s—”

Customer: “HOW CAN YOU WORK NEXT DOOR AND NOT KNOW?!”

Me: *fed up at this point and trying to finish orders and get other people served* “I just don’t! But if you look on the window, I’m sure the hours will be there.”

(The woman starts to storm off.)

Me: *calling after her* “I’m sorry, but I’m not psychic!”

(I am at a cafe at the departure lounge of the airport, queueing up behind some tourists heading home. Note: All the notes and coins are clearly marked.)

Tourist: “How much is this bottled water?”

Cashier: “It’s [amount], ma’am.”

Tourist: *shoving some change at the cashier* “Here.”

Cashier: “So sorry, but you are short by [amount].”

Tourist: *gives a note* “Fine. Here. I don’t understand your currency. I want my change in [Home Country’s currency].”

Cashier: “I’m sorry; I can only give you change in Thai Baht.”

Tourist: “This is outrageous! What kind of place is this that you can’t give me change in [Home Country’s currency]?!”

(I’m the supervisor at a popular Canadian coffee chain. I’m also one of the only males and slightly older than most of the rest of the staff (me being 28, them mostly being high school/college age). I’ve just exchanged some change for one of my cashiers.)

Cashier #1: “Thanks, Dad.”

Cashier #2: “Did you just call [My Name] ‘Dad’?”

Cashier #1: *laughing* “It was an accident. Besides, he’s kind of like our Work Dad.”

Cashier #2: “That’s so weird. [My Name] doesn’t want to be called Dad by a bunch of teenagers.”

Me: “Actually, I’m fine with it.” *laughs* “Maybe if I’m your dad you guys might listen to me for a change.”

Cashier #1: “See, he’s fine with it.” *turns to me* “Thanks again, Work Daddy.”

Me: “Now that on the other hand…”

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(A customer I’ve never seen before comes in and gets a sandwich, pays for it, and goes to wait for it to be made. He then asks one of my coworkers:)

Customer: “Could I have a cookie as well?”

Coworker: “Yes.”

(The customer helps himself to a cookie from the jar. He gets his sandwich and sits down to eat it. Then my coworker asks me:)

Coworker: “Did he pay you for a cookie?”

(Of course he didn’t pay for it, since he didn’t ask to get a cookie until after he paid, so I go over to him.)

Me: “Excuse me, but you have to pay for that cookie.”

Customer: “She gave it to me.”

Me: “Um, no, she didn’t just give it to you for free.”

Customer: “She said I could have it.”

Me: “Yeah… to pay for.”

Customer: “Well, how much is the cookie, then?” *getting out his wallet*

Me: Fifty cents.”

Customer: *as he’s pulling out a dollar bill* “Absolutely pathetic; making me pay for a stupid cookie.”

Me: “Yeah, it is pretty pathetic that you can’t afford a fifty-cent cookie.”

(He paid me the fifty cents and didn’t say a word after that. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone eat and leave that fast before.)

This story is part of the dessert day roundup!

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