(This cafe is near campus and most of the staff are students. The owner allows any staff to put on music. Recently, international staff have been putting on songs in their own languages.)

Older Customer: *nicely* “What music is that now?”

Staff #1: “Oh, this one is Arabic.”

Older Customer: “The h***?! Is this place overrun by terrorists now?

Staff #1: “What? No!”

Older Customer: “It’s terrorist music!

Staff #1: *open mouthed*

Staff #2: “Are you calling me a terrorist? I’m just Arab.”

Older Customer: “Go back home you Muslim terrorist!! What’s that song about? How you want to kill us all?

Staff #2: “I said I’m Arab. But I’m not Muslim; I’m Christian.”

Older Customer: “You liar! You are all Muslims over there.

Staff #2: “My parents are Muslims and the very reason I’m here in America is because my parents don’t accept my decision to be Christian.”

Older customer: “…” *slowly walks off*

Staff #1: “Does he even know there’s Arabic and Islam courses at the university?”

Staff #2: “Probably not, or he’d have a fit.”

Staff #1: “I’m not sure he’ll be back now. He’s actually been in here a lot asking about the foreign songs.”

(It is the week before Christmas, so nearly every business is playing Christmas carols, including the cafe that I’m in. Apart from me, the only other people in there are the two workers behind the counter.)

Carol: “…holy infant so tender and mild.”

Worker #1: *mumbling to herself, but still loud enough for me and the other worker to hear* “Just like a chicken wing.”

Me & Worker #2: *glance at each other in total silence, then both lose it*

Worker #1: *looking between the two of us* “What?”

(It has been a rough year for our family, and my mom is working at a popular coffee shop on Christmas Eve. It is snowing heavily outside and they have just opened the store. An old man comes in and orders a large black coffee.)

Man: “Do you have change for a $100?”

Mom: “No… I’m sorry. We just opened so I don’t have the proper change yet, but since it’s just a coffee you can have it on the house! Merry Christmas!”

(The man looks at my mom, and the coffee, and then drops the $100 in the tip jar.)

Man: *as he walks out the door* “Merry Christmas to you, too!”

(My mom was only working with one other person that day, so they both received $50 from him. It may not have made up for the whole year, but the kindness went a long way to making my mom feel a little more cheery.)

(At the end of my undergrad, I started working at a small local coffee shop. I end up graduating a semester early and decide to work at the shop full time until the lease on my apartment is up. When I switch to full-time, I work with an older woman who isn’t quite up-to-date on her science. This happens right as we get a new light roast, so we offer light, medium, and dark.)

Coworker: “Hi guys, would you like to try our new light roast today?”

Customer #1: “No, thanks; I’d rather have the dark roast. More caffeine.”

Coworker: “Actually, lighter roasts have more caffeine than darker roasts!”

Customer #2: “Wait, really? Why?”

Coworker: “Because roasting the beans longer makes more caffeine evaporate out of the beans!”

Me: “Um… that’s not how that works.”

(I work in a coffee shop situated on a strip of psychic shops in a downtown “witch city.” It is one of our busiest days.)

Customer: *cutting to the front of the line* “I have a question.”

Me: *continuing to make drinks* “Okay, shoot.”

Customer: “What are the hours of the psychic shop next door?”

(Baffled because the hours of said shop are in enormous white lettering on the shop window, I just look at her.)

Customer: “Well?”

Me: “I’m sorry. I don’t know off the top of my head, but if you—”

Customer: *loudly* “What do you mean you don’t know?”

Me: “I’m s—”

Customer: “HOW CAN YOU WORK NEXT DOOR AND NOT KNOW?!”

Me: *fed up at this point and trying to finish orders and get other people served* “I just don’t! But if you look on the window, I’m sure the hours will be there.”

(The woman starts to storm off.)

Me: *calling after her* “I’m sorry, but I’m not psychic!”