Of Half-Baked Requests And Baked-In Clothes

, , , , , | Right | June 21, 2010

(I work in a custom ceramics shop where we offer a touch-up/repainting service. A woman in a formal dress comes in with an armful of garden gnomes.)

Customer: “I need these gnomes to match this dress.”

Me: “Okay, we can do that. Do you mind if we take a picture for reference?”

Customer: “It’s for a wedding.”

Me: “That’s nice.”

Customer: “It’s this afternoon.”

Me: “This afternoon?”

Customer: “Yes, at three. What, did you think I just walked around dressed like this all the time?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we can’t help you. It would take the better part of a day just to paint all these little guys, and it takes at least three hours for the glaze to dry completely.”

Customer: “You don’t need to paint them! Just get them to change their little clothes!”

Me: “Ma’am, these are garden gnomes.”

Customer: “Exactly! Now, unfreeze them and make them change! I’m going to be late!”


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Off-Color Knowledge

, , , , | Right | June 20, 2010

Customer: Hi, I need some printer ink, please. Do you carry ink for [Printer Model]?”

Me: “Of course. You want the color cartridge?”

Customer: “Oh, they have colors? Okay, then, I want green and pink.”

Me: “It doesn’t really work like that. The printer has one color cartridge that can do all the colors.”

Customer: “Really? How they can put that many colors in one cartridge?”

Me: “They put only blue, red, and yellow, and they’re mixed to make all the colors.”

Customer: “Oh, that sounds cool. But how will the printer know which color goes where if I don’t tell it?”

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Finally Seeing The (Red) Light

, , , | Right | June 18, 2010

Customer: “Hi, my laser printer has a flashing light that says ‘change toner.’ What must I do to fix that?”

Me: “Well, sir, your toner cartridge is empty. You just need to replace it.”

Customer: “What is a toner?”

Me: “It’s the ink that your printer needs to print on the paper.”

Customer: “What?! How come it needs ink? It’s a laser printer! Doesn’t the laser write directly on the paper without ink?”

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Too Much Gravy For The Brain

, , , | Right | June 16, 2010

(I’m a cook in a restaurant that many tourists visit.)

Me: *to waitress* “So, how did everyone like their food?”

Waitress: “The table complained that the meal contains too much sauce.”

Me: “His order gets the sauce on the side.”

Waitress: “Yeah, he complained that he added too much.”


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Get A Life

, , , , | Right | June 6, 2010

Caller: “My friend told me that there is something better than the TV service I have right now.”

(I have been looking at his account for over twenty minutes. He has full HD TV service.)

Me: “Well, you have full HD TV. The only thing better would be to upgrade to a Personal Video Recorder.”

Caller: “No, I don’t want one of those. I want better picture on my TV!”

Me: “You have better picture on your TV. You have HD TV.”

Caller: “No! You don’t understand. My friend told me that there is something better than what I have. I want that! What is it?”

(Note: this was before 3D TV and 4K was available.)

Me: “Well, there is talk of things like 3D TV, but the technology is a ways away. It’s not something available now. You currently have the best thing available on the market today.”

Caller: “No! There is something better! What is better than HD TV?”

Me: “The only thing better than HD TV is real life.”

Caller: “Real life? Well, how do I get that?”


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