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Handy With The Translation

, , , , | Learning | March 5, 2015

(I teach ESL students. For this project, each is required to give a short presentation about a borrower on a micro-loan site. This student is from Brazil.)

Student: “I have chosen a woman in Vietnam who needed a loan to build an outhouse. She used the money to buy material. Her neighbours helped her but because they don’t not money, they can only give her a hand job.”

Me: “WHAT?”

Student: “They help her build. With their hands.”

Me: “…manual labour. They can only give her labour. Hand job is something very different…”

Recycling His Way Of Thinking

, , , , | Working | February 27, 2015

(My mother is in charge of our church’s nursery, taking care of younger children during the service. Over the last month or two, the nursery has amassed a large collection of garbage, much of which is metal. The metal is stored in an old cardboard box to be taken to the local recycling plant. On the day my mother is supposed to deliver it, she checks the cupboard where it was stored to find it isn’t there.)

Mom: “[Coworker], do you know what happened to the box of metal? It’s not in the storage cupboard.”

Coworker: “Yeah, that box has been there for over a month, so I took it to the dump. It was just taking up space.”

Mom: “You took it to the dump? That metal was supposed to go to the recycling plant.”

Coworker: “So? What difference does it make? We still got rid of it.”

Mom: “The dump charges you for the garbage you put in it. If you take metal to the recycling plant, they pay you for it. Instead of getting $75 for the nursery to use, you paid almost $100 of the church’s money to get rid of that metal!”

Coworker: “…oh.”


This story is part of our Recycling roundup!

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The Beatles’ Bitter Break-Up

, , , | Romantic | February 23, 2015

(I am a fan of The Beatles, but my partner is not. My partner and I are in bed watching TV when I express a strong desire for cookies.)

Partner: “No snacks! We haven’t done anything today but lie in bed! We’re going to end up like Yoko Ono and… uh…” *realizes he’s forgetting a Beatle’s name* “Uh… lemon?”


This story is part of our Beatles roundup!

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A Recipe For Disaster, Part 5

, , , , , , | Working | January 16, 2015

(When I was two, I was diagnosed with Celiac disease, which means that I can’t eat gluten. So I’m gluten-free, but most definitely not by choice. The most difficult part is eating out, because often employees won’t know what to do.)

Me: “Is this item gluten-free?”

Employee: “No, nothing is free.”

Me: “No, does this item have any gluten in it?”

Employee: “Gluten? What is gluten?”

Me: “Wheat, barley, rye, oats, or spelt — are any of those ingredients in this product?”

Employee: “One second.”

(He then gets out his iPhone, and I presume it’s to call someone who created the product to make sure. Instead, he goes onto Google to search up “gltin.”)

Employee: “How do you spell it?”

Me: “Uh, never mind. I’ll just have [product that in no way could have gluten].”

Related:
A Recipe For Disaster, Part 4
A Recipe For Disaster, Part 3
A Recipe For Disaster, Part 2
A Recipe For Disaster


This story is part of our Celiac Awareness Day roundup!

Read the next Celiac Awareness Day roundup story!

Read the Celiac Awareness Day roundup!

Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 8

, , | Right | December 30, 2014

(I work at a small store that sell shoes and other kinds of items such as scarves and hats. The owner occasionally gives out gift cards to customers who have paid over 150$ on a single purchase. One day, a woman comes in with her husband.)

Me: “Good evening, ma’am. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I came here a week ago and bought a bunch of stuff; the owner gave me this.” *shows it to me*

Me: *confirms it is the gift cards we have* “Do you need help choosing which items you want to buy?”

Customer: *starts getting angry* “No, thanks. You can wait in the back.”

(I leave and wait near the cash registers. When she finally comes with her desired items, it consists of seven scarves and a baseball cap.)

Me: “Very well. Could you please hand me the gift card?”

Customer: *annoyed* “Can’t I just take these items and you keep the card?”

Me: “I need to make sure this card is legitimate, ma’am. It won’t take long, no worries.”

(The expiration date is over a year ago. The woman seems ready to start the argument at this point.)

Me: “Ma’am, the gift card is way beyond it’s expiration date and you’re going to have to pay with cash, check, or your credit card in order to receive those items.”

Customer: “So? I know the owner; I’ve been friends with her for a long time. She told me that I wouldn’t have to worry about the date and could come whenever I wanted!”

Me: “Would you mind if I called her to verify? Could I have your name, ma’am?”

Customer: *anxious* “Y-yeah, go ahead. I’m [Customer].”

(I call the owner.)

Me: “Hi, [Owner], this is [My Name]. There’s this woman here that has a gift card and the expiration date is [date]. She also claims to be one of your friends and her name is [Customer], and that because of that she’s able to use the card whenever without worrying about the expiration date.”

Owner: “If she were indeed my friend, she wouldn’t have received a card at all. Refuse the card and ask her to pay for it, or tell her to leave. Drama is one thing, and I don’t want it in my store.” *clicks*

Me: “I’m afraid the card is no longer valid. You’re going to have to pay with something else.”

Woman: *turns red* “T-this is UNACCEPTABLE! I’m never coming back to this store, and you can bet your a** that I will make it my life goal to make sure that THIS PLACE CLOSES!” *leaves*

Me: *tries not to laugh* “Have a nice day, ma’am!”

(She leaves but her husband hangs back to talk to me.)

Husband: “I knew it would turn out like this. She does this all the time when she sees an opportunity of getting free stuff.”

(I never saw them again.)