Very Literal Banking

, , , , , | Right | June 18, 2021

My credit card company recently changed my card number due to an unexpected upgrade, so I’m calling places with pre-authorized payments to update them. Because of the time difference, they open right as I start to head to work, so I am one of the first callers. Everything has been routine with the normal confirmation of address, name, and policy number up until now.

Agent: “So, what is the new card?”

I rattle off the number.

Agent: “So it’s a [Brand] card.”

Me: “Oh, yes. Yes, it is.”

Agent: “And are you the cardholder?”

Me: *Not missing a beat* “Well, I’m literally holding the card, so, yup.”

The agent cracks up, making me crack up.

Agent: “I mean, I guess I did ask that, didn’t I?”

The update processed through and we ended the call, still sort of cracking up. Hopefully, that call keeps a smile on both our faces the rest of the day.

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Dogs Bring EVERYONE Together

, , , , , , , , | Working | June 1, 2021

I’m a bubbly, gregarious woman who’s been with the company for over four years. Last year, an older man came and joined our team. He’s a lone wolf who works away quietly in his office, only joining us to eat his lunch silently while the rest of us chat. He has a service dog that he keeps in his office and, one rough day, I ask him if I can pet his dog for comfort. He invites me in and I sit on the floor for his Schnauzer to come console me. This starts to become a semi-regular occurrence where I go in to visit his dog right before home time.

At first, we don’t talk past the pleasantries, but after a few weeks, I begin talking to him. It is one-sided talk about stock market issues, which I was just dipping my toes into, or a huge hack that has just happened. A few weeks after that, he begins to respond and my soliloquies become a pleasant back and forth where I learn that he has a full and interesting life. We begin sitting together at lunch and I start dragging him into the group’s conversations.

Months later, as I sit with his dog smushed bodily against me, he quietly thanks me for inviting me into the group.

Me: “What? No. Of course. Everyone thinks you’re great.”

He lowers his head as he confesses to me that he was let go from his last two jobs because of harassment claims from women.

Coworker: “I’m on the spectrum, so I have a really hard time interacting with people. I can’t read people so I can’t really tell if I’m being inappropriate or something. I figured it would just be best to stay quiet here so I wouldn’t upset anyone.”

Me: “Man, that’s horrible. My dad’s on the spectrum so I guess you kind of remind me of him. Everyone here likes you, and listen, I’ll let you know if I see you’re making anyone uncomfortable, okay?”

He smiled and nodded as I extricated myself from under his adoring dog so we could all go home.

He’s doing great and feeling safe in our group. I think it helps that I grew up with an autistic father. I subconsciously keep him focused on a topic, but not bogged down. I also make sure he’s heard but doesn’t overwhelm the discussion. Other coworkers have started doing the same thing.

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The Art Of Charming Your Coworkers

, , , , , , | Working | May 11, 2021

On my way into work, I stop at reception to show a friend a drawing I did over the weekend that is saved on my phone.

Receptionist: “Wow, that’s really good. You missed your calling. You should be an artist.”

Me: “I— I am. That’s literally my job here.”

She blushed so quickly I was worried she was going to pass out, but then we both laughed.

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Her Brain Was A Little Fried

, , , , , | Working | February 10, 2021

I work in an office tower with a food court, including a well-known burger place that offers multiple side dishes for any meal. I go there right as the place opens one day.

Me: “Can I get a combo number five, with chili as the side instead of fries?”

The cashier rings up everything correctly and double-checks that I mean chili as the side, not as an additional side.

Me: “Yup, as the side, instead of fries. You got it.”

I proceed to pay, thinking everything is fine.

Cashier: “It’ll be two minutes for your fries.”

Me: “Wait, what fries?”

The cashier and I broke into laughter. Clearly, she was on autopilot to start the day. No harm, no foul, just a solid laugh to start lunch.

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The Spice Must Flow, This Job Must Blow

, , , , | Right | December 14, 2020

There is a great small food place just across from my work building and I end up loving a specific menu item. It’s basically the only thing I’ve ever ordered there, I love it so much. It’s a noodle and veggie bowl with a spicy red coconut curry soup. The question the cashier asks me, I’ve been asked a few times before this instance, but this time, I have to probe further.

Me: “Hi, I’d like the Yoga Fire bowl, with chicken, please.”

Cashier: “Sure! Have you had it before?”

Me: “Yes.”

Cashier: “So you know it’s a bit spicy?”

Me: “Yes. I have to ask; I’ve been reminded of that a few times over the past few months. Have people actually complained that it’s too spicy?”

Cashier: “Yes, a bunch of people did.”

Me: “But it literally has the word ‘fire’ in its name.”

Cashier: “I know. Some people just… I don’t know.”

Pretty sure anything described with the word “fire,” or even “spicy curry,” should have been clear enough. I guess not!


This story is part of the Spicy roundup!

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