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Happens So Often It’s A Disorder

, , , , , | Right | August 5, 2021

I’m standing in a popular fast food chain waiting for my order. The employee puts food on the counter and calls out my number, but before I can move, another man walks up and snatches the bag. I’m curious how this will go, so I decide to just watch and wait.

The man makes it to his seat and opens the food, immediately realizing this is not at all what he ordered. He storms back up to the counter and angrily flags down an employee.

Customer: “Excuse me, this is not what I ordered!”

Me: “Probably because that’s my order, sir.”

Customer: *Suddenly sheepish* “Oh. My bad, I guess.”

Employee: “Your food will be up in a minute… sir.”

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Very Literal Banking

, , , , , | Right | June 18, 2021

My credit card company recently changed my card number due to an unexpected upgrade, so I’m calling places with pre-authorized payments to update them. Because of the time difference, they open right as I start to head to work, so I am one of the first callers. Everything has been routine with the normal confirmation of address, name, and policy number up until now.

Agent: “So, what is the new card?”

I rattle off the number.

Agent: “So it’s a [Brand] card.”

Me: “Oh, yes. Yes, it is.”

Agent: “And are you the cardholder?”

Me: *Not missing a beat* “Well, I’m literally holding the card, so, yup.”

The agent cracks up, making me crack up.

Agent: “I mean, I guess I did ask that, didn’t I?”

The update processed through and we ended the call, still sort of cracking up. Hopefully, that call keeps a smile on both our faces the rest of the day.

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Dogs Bring EVERYONE Together

, , , , , , , , | Working | June 1, 2021

I’m a bubbly, gregarious woman who’s been with the company for over four years. Last year, an older man came and joined our team. He’s a lone wolf who works away quietly in his office, only joining us to eat his lunch silently while the rest of us chat. He has a service dog that he keeps in his office and, one rough day, I ask him if I can pet his dog for comfort. He invites me in and I sit on the floor for his Schnauzer to come console me. This starts to become a semi-regular occurrence where I go in to visit his dog right before home time.

At first, we don’t talk past the pleasantries, but after a few weeks, I begin talking to him. It is one-sided talk about stock market issues, which I was just dipping my toes into, or a huge hack that has just happened. A few weeks after that, he begins to respond and my soliloquies become a pleasant back and forth where I learn that he has a full and interesting life. We begin sitting together at lunch and I start dragging him into the group’s conversations.

Months later, as I sit with his dog smushed bodily against me, he quietly thanks me for inviting me into the group.

Me: “What? No. Of course. Everyone thinks you’re great.”

He lowers his head as he confesses to me that he was let go from his last two jobs because of harassment claims from women.

Coworker: “I’m on the spectrum, so I have a really hard time interacting with people. I can’t read people so I can’t really tell if I’m being inappropriate or something. I figured it would just be best to stay quiet here so I wouldn’t upset anyone.”

Me: “Man, that’s horrible. My dad’s on the spectrum so I guess you kind of remind me of him. Everyone here likes you, and listen, I’ll let you know if I see you’re making anyone uncomfortable, okay?”

He smiled and nodded as I extricated myself from under his adoring dog so we could all go home.

He’s doing great and feeling safe in our group. I think it helps that I grew up with an autistic father. I subconsciously keep him focused on a topic, but not bogged down. I also make sure he’s heard but doesn’t overwhelm the discussion. Other coworkers have started doing the same thing.

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The Art Of Charming Your Coworkers

, , , , , , | Working | May 11, 2021

On my way into work, I stop at reception to show a friend a drawing I did over the weekend that is saved on my phone.

Receptionist: “Wow, that’s really good. You missed your calling. You should be an artist.”

Me: “I— I am. That’s literally my job here.”

She blushed so quickly I was worried she was going to pass out, but then we both laughed.

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Her Brain Was A Little Fried

, , , , , | Working | February 10, 2021

I work in an office tower with a food court, including a well-known burger place that offers multiple side dishes for any meal. I go there right as the place opens one day.

Me: “Can I get a combo number five, with chili as the side instead of fries?”

The cashier rings up everything correctly and double-checks that I mean chili as the side, not as an additional side.

Me: “Yup, as the side, instead of fries. You got it.”

I proceed to pay, thinking everything is fine.

Cashier: “It’ll be two minutes for your fries.”

Me: “Wait, what fries?”

The cashier and I broke into laughter. Clearly, she was on autopilot to start the day. No harm, no foul, just a solid laugh to start lunch.

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