It’s closing time. There are two older teenagers still left in the store and making no attempts at leaving. As a manager, I approach them to let them know we’re closing.

Customer #1: “No speak English.”

Customer #2: “Yeah, no speak.”

This is normal. In addition to being a big tourist area, especially for Central and South Americans, my area is mostly Hispanic. Unfortunately, I’m a gringa and my Spanish still leaves something to be desired. I ask a coworker to let them know.

Coworker: “Lo siento, pero la tienda está cerrando.” *I’m sorry, but the store is closing.*

Customer #1: “No speak.”

They have clearly been speaking Spanish to each other, and [Coworker] and I have both overheard this, so we know they are playing dumb so they don’t have to leave. While [Coworker]’s normal customer service is the best I’ve ever seen, he’s also known for not suffering fools and for having the ability to say things the average customer service representative could not get away with (even me).

He looks at me for silent approval to escalate; I nod. He continues, in English, no less:

Coworker: “I’m going to call security. Do you speak that?”

The boys left. Fast.

I’m the closing manager one night and, when the time comes, one lady will just NOT LEAVE. Several employees have told her we are closed, but after fifteen minutes, she is still browsing. As I’m about to approach her again, one of my coworkers comes up to her.

Coworker: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we’re closed for the evening.”

The woman ignores him.

Coworker: “Could you at least, you know, pretend to walk toward the exit?”

My eyes go wide at overhearing this. This worker’s customer service skills are usually sublime, and he’s probably one of the best, most dependable workers I’ve ever seen. The woman “hmphs!” and storms straight to the register.

The cashier on duty is only in high school, but he’s big, tall, and happens to be dressed up from a presentation he did at school earlier. The woman is tearing him a new one about what [Coworker] said. As I approach to go rescue him, he makes eye contact with me and subtly shakes his head, indicating to stay back for now, so I do. The woman gets through with her tirade and leaves a couple of minutes later. [Coworker] and approach.

Me: “[Cashier], are you all right?”

Cashier: “Yeah, I think she thought I was a manager. I guess I should’ve corrected her, but her rant was too funny. [Coworker], did you really say that?”

Coworker: “Yeah. Sorry you had to deal with the fallout.”

Cashier: “Nah, it’s cool. Like I said, too funny. And I got her to calm down. I don’t think she’s gonna call corporate or anything.”

Coworker: *Looking at me* “Am I in trouble?”

Me: “For getting her out of here? H*** no. Just don’t do it again. [Cashier], you, too. I get paid a little more to get yelled at. You don’t. Now, let’s never speak of this again.”

Admittedly, I wasn’t the best manager, but at least I had my employees’ backs.

I work in a bookstore. Our information desk had a cart where employees could put down go-backs while waiting for a free moment. This cart was almost always piled with things that needed to be put away, usually haphazardly unless someone straightened it out of necessity to make room.

We found out later that a man approached the information desk and, without even talking to anyone, dumped his armload on the cart’s already sizable pile and walked away.

Some time passed and the employees finally got a free moment. Knowing that the cart was one of the closing tasks required of them, they descended upon the cart like a pack of dogs on an unguarded steak and vanished into the sections of the store with their prizes. The cart was picked completely clean.

Some more time passed, and the man returned to the desk.

Customer: “Where are my books?!”

Me: “What’s your name? If it’s on hold, we can retrieve them.”

Customer: “I didn’t leave it. My pile of books was right there!”

He pointed to the empty cart.

Me: *Blinking* “You put them on the Go-Back Cart?”

Customer: “I left them there! You should have known not to put my books away!”

Me: “Did you tell anyone that you were still shopping?”

Customer: “No!

Me: “Did you put your name on them?” 

I gestured to a pile of scratch paper and pens in plain sight.

Customer: “No! I put them there! You should not have touched my books! I was going to buy them!”

Me: “So, you just left a pile of books in a random location, without telling anyone that you wanted them held, and without putting your name on them?”

Customer: “Manager! NOW!”

So, of course, the manager came over, heard the story, and tried to defuse the situation.

Manager: “Sir, do you know any of the titles you selected?”

Customer: “I don’t remember.”

Manager: “Okay, do you know which subjects you got them from?”

She gestured to the clearly-labeled sections of the store.

Customer: “No!”

Manager: “…”

Me: “…”

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, but unfortunately, there’s nothing we can do to help you.”

Customer: “Service is horrible here! I’m never shopping here again!”

Manager: *Smiling sweetly* “Thank you very much, sir. Have a wonderful rest of the day.”

We are visiting a large and beautiful bookstore.

Clerk: “Can I help you?”

Me: “I seem to have lost my wife.”

Clerk: “Hmm.” *Looks around* “Are you fussy?”

Customer: “I’m writing a book!”

Me: “That’s awesome!”

Customer: “I was told I could get some help here.”

Me: “Of course, we have plenty of books for aspiring writers.”

I take him over to the section.

Customer: “No, this isn’t what I was looking for.”

Me: “What did you have in mind?”

Customer: “Well, you work in a bookstore, so I thought I would tell you what happens and you would write it down and make it all… book-like, with sentences and stuff, and then you could sell it here, too.”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “So, it starts with a big powerful guy, and he has this sword…”

Me: “I… don’t think…”

Customer: “And he goes to a cave where there’s a dragon, and… Why aren’t you writing any of this down?”