(Two middle-aged women approach me.)
Customer 1: “Excuse me? Can you help me find something?”
Me: “Sure, ma’am. What are you looking for? Gift ideas maybe?”
Customer 1: “Yes exactly, I need a present that will interest a fourteen-year-old boy.”
Customer 2: *interjecting* “But not p*rn!”
Me: “I think I can accommodate those taxing conditions.”
Customer: “Hey. You were talking about vampire books with the last customer?”
Me: “They’re here on the wall next to the counter.”
Customer: “Do you have any gay ones?”
Me: “Do you mean as in homoerotic literature?”
Customer: “Yeah.”
Me: “Oh, no. Have you tried [Romance Bookshop] across the road?”
Customer: “Why would I go there? I just want gay vampires.”
Me: “Well, that’s generally a subsection of romance, not sci-fi.”
Customer: “I don’t want romance! I just want gay vampires!”
Did you find this story using our Harvey Milk Day roundup?
Me: “Can I help you find something?”
Customer: “I was in the airport and saw this book it was blue and said something about a ranger. It looked really good, so I was trying to find it here.”
Me: “Sounds like The Rangers Apprentice series. It’s a kids’ book.”
Customer: “No, it couldn’t be a kids’ book. It looked really interesting.”
(Several minutes ensue of trying to find anything else that it could be. I ask him to wait a moment while I check the kids’ section and get the newest Rangers Apprentice book and return.)
Me: “Is this it?”
Customer: “Yes!”
Me: “That’s the book I was telling you about. It’s technically a kids’ series, but it’s still a good book — just without the sex and violence.”
Customer: “None at all? But that’s why I read them!”
This story is part of our “Bad Parents & R-Rated Movies” roundup. This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!
23 Stories Of Truly Terrible Parent Customers
Read the first story in this roundup!
Read the “Bad Parents & R-Rated Movies” roundup!
(A respectable-looking man in his 50’s approaches.)
Customer: “Hi! Do you sell h*ntai puzzle magazines?”
Me: “Uh…”
Customer: “H*ntai puzzles. My daughter likes them.”
Me: “Could you mean Hanjei puzzles?
(Note: Hanjei is a popular puzzle magazine.)
(A younger teenager comes into the store with his dad.)
Customer: “My teacher says I need to get a book for school.”
Me: “What’s the title?”
Customer: “I think it was something like ‘Col-ij-it’. Yeah, that’s definitely it.”
Me: “How would you spell it?”
Customer: “C, O, L, I, J, I, T?”
(I search, and nothing comes up.)
Me: “Do you know the author?”
Customer: “I know it was a girl. Maybe like Maryanne? Something like that?”
Me: “Do you mean you need a Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary?”
Customer: “I don’t know, but I’m not going to college or anything.”
