Caller: “Hi I’m looking for the hounds… er hound of baskerville?”

Me: “Oh, of course. You mean the Sherlock Holmes novel?”

Caller: “Oh, my! I didn’t know Sherlock Holmes actually wrote that one!”

This story is part of the “What Are They Teaching In School These Days?!” roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Funny Stories About Bookstore Employees And Their Terrible Customers

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(At the college bookstore where I work, students can sell their books back for cash at the end of the semester.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I won’t be able to buy your textbook back because of the water damage.”

(I flip through the book’s crinkled, sticky pages.)

Student: “Oh, it’s okay. It’s not water damage, it’s humidity. I went on vacation to Missouri and it was humid.”

Me: “I still can’t take your book back because I cannot sell this to another student in this condition.”

Student: “But it’s not water damage! It’s humidity! The humidity made the pages stick together!”

Me: “Ma’am, what is humidity?”

Student: “Water, duh!”

(There’s a pause while the wheels begin to turn in her head.)

Student: “Oh… can you help me find my other books, then?”

This story is part of the Customers-Who-Don’t-Understand-Science-themed roundup!

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Customer: “I’m looking for a book. Something about glass. Breaking glass?”

Me: “Well, do you know if it’s fiction or nonfiction?”

Customer: “Sorry. What?”

Me: “Is it real or imaginary?”

Customer: “I mean, it’s real. How do you imagine a book? Is that what audiobooks are?”

Related:
Life Is Stranger Than Fiction

(I’m in the comics section, helping a man find a present for his daughter. I’ve picked up a book by a popular artist.)

Customer: “It looks nice, but I already got her one of these things for her birthday. I don’t want to give her the same gift twice.”

Me: “Are you sure? This book came out pretty recently. Did yours have the same title as this one?”

Customer: “I don’t remember.”

Me: “Did the cover have the same colors as this?”

Customer: “I don’t remember.”

Me: “Is there anything you recall about the book you got for her birthday?”

Customer: *after a long, thoughtful pause* “It was made of paper!”

(Two middle-aged women approach me.)

Customer 1: “Excuse me? Can you help me find something?”

Me: “Sure, ma’am. What are you looking for? Gift ideas maybe?”

Customer 1: “Yes exactly, I need a present that will interest a fourteen-year-old boy.”

Customer 2: *interjecting* “But not p*rn!”

Me: “I think I can accommodate those taxing conditions.”