Customer: “Do you carry books by Shakespeare here?”

Me: “Yes, we do. Which play did you need?”

Customer: “The one that sophomores read.” *gestures to the teenager next to her, presumably her daughter*

Me: “I’m sorry, but there’s not just one play that sophomores read. Do you happen to know the title, or maybe what it’s about?”

Customer: *loudly* “The-One-That-Sophomores-Read!”

Me: “Well, let’s walk over to the section and see if we can figure it out. A lot of early high school students read A Midsummer Night’s Dream or Romeo & Juliet.”

Daughter: “I think Romeo & Juliet.”

Me: “Great!” *pulls out a copy to hand to her*

Daughter: “I don’t know though.”

Me: “Okay. Well, could it be Hamlet, maybe? Or Julius Caesar?”

Daughter: “Julius Caesar? Isn’t that the sequel to Romeo & Juliet?”

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(A customer brings a book up to the counter, but the front cover is torn off, along with some pages.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m not sure why a book in this condition was on the shelf. Let me go get a new one.”

Customer: “No, it’s okay. I did it.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I already read the first part. I just wanted to buy the ending.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “Do I get a discount? It’s only half the book.”

This story is part of our “Florida Man” roundup!

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(I am the customer in this story. I am looking for a certain book on WWII, but am having trouble finding the section.)

Employee: “Hey, could I help you find something?”

Me: “Ah, yes! I’m trying to find [Book]. Could you help me?”

(The employee has a very wide-eyed surprised look. She slowly nods and motions for me to follow.)

Employee: *speaking loudly and slowly* “Sir, these help?”

Me: “No, I’m looking for history.”

Employee: “Umm…” *looks down the books and hands me a Russian-English dictionary.*

Me: “Ah, I wasn’t speaking English, was I?” (She shakes her head and I laugh.) “Sorry about that. I was looking for [Book].”

(The employee laughed and took me to where I had wanted to go, the rest of our conversation, thankfully, in English.)

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Customer: “Hello, do you work here?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. I don’t.”

Customer: “Then why do you have so many books in your hands?”

Me: “I am about to purchase them.”

Customer: “You read?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Then you must work here.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t.”

Customer: *picking up one of the books in my arms* “J.D. Salinger? Who’s that?”

Me: “An author. He wrote Catcher in the Rye.”

Customer: “See! You do work here! You know what books he wrote!”

This story is part of the “What Are They Teaching In School These Days?!” roundup!

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Customer: “Excuse me, do you have an ‘ology’ section?”

Me: “Are you looking for biology, psychology, sociology?”

Customer: “No, just ‘ology.’”

Me: “I’m not sure what that is. Maybe you could explain it to me?”

Customer: “You know, speeches people give at funerals.”

This story is part of the “What Are They Teaching In School These Days?!” roundup!

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