A buddy of mine owns his own electrical contracting company. He has many customers that have been his for decades. One Friday night at about midnight, he got an emergency call from an old client that converted his bar into a topless bar which required an increase in electricity use. The lights were flickering on and off, certain outlets stopped working, and others were sparking. My buddy showed up and went to the electric panel box. The pipe coming out of the top was glowing red! That meant it was heated up to an incredibly dangerous level.

Buddy: “You gotta shut this down now! This is about to burn down!”

Client: “I can’t! It’s Friday night! Do you have any idea how much money I make on Friday and Saturday nights? I will shut it down on Sunday and you start working on it then.” 

Buddy: “No, you don’t understand. This will not make it another hour, much less the night. This is a huge safety and fire issue. This is beyond dangerous, and you are putting your employees and customers in extreme danger if you don’t shut this down now.”

Client: “No, I can’t afford to do that.”

My buddy took pics with his cell phone and left. He called the fire chief’s office but didn’t get anyone, so he left a message. About three in the morning, he got a call back asking him to get back to the bar. Yep, it burned to the ground. Thankfully, everyone got out okay. A few had to go to the hospital for smoke inhalation but were released a few hours later.

Fire Chief: *To my buddy* “So, the owner said you were the electrician that worked on this just a few hours ago. What happened?”

My buddy figured they had the idea HE did something to cause this fire. He explained everything and showed him the pics.

Buddy: “Look, Chief. I knew this would go up in flames. I told him. I even called your office when I left here and left a message for you. I did no work on this because I knew this was dangerous. I tried to tell him to shut it down.”

The chief immediately had charges brought against the owner who later had to pay all the hospital bills. Plus, insurance refused to cover the loss because of the negligence. The sad thing is that this was not the only case of someone not listening to my buddy and their business or house end up burning down.

Always listen to the professionals you hire. They know what they are talking about.

A group of workers in business attire has opened a tab on the bar on a company card, and they are really going for it. They’ve drunk plenty, but they seem to think because they’re spending money they can do anything they want, including harassing our waitstaff and other customers.

Finally, I have had enough of their behavior and I bring their card and bill over to them.

Me: “I’ve settled the bill on the card, and we’ve decided we won’t be serving you for the rest of the evening. Please feel free to finish your current drinks and then leave.”

Customer: “The f***?! You can’t do that.”

Me: “Actually, we can. You’re making our staff and other guests uncomfortable, so we would like for you to leave.”

Customer: “We’re spending so much money! You want us to stop spending?!”

Me: “No money is worth putting up with your behavior.”

Customer: “But we’re customers! The customer is always right!”

Me: “The customer is always right, but the bartender decides who is a customer. You’re all paid up and done here, so you’re no longer customers. Good night!”

Related:
Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World, Part 4
Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World, Part 3
Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World, Part 2
Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World

Back when I was still going to college, over a decade ago, I was visiting my family during winter break and had been traveling somewhere with my father when he asked me if we could stop by the American Legion — a bar/restaurant for American veterans where my father volunteered — on our way back home.

My father originally left me at the bar so he could do some work, but between my not liking the bar scene and everyone there being fifty or older, I grew bored quite fast and eventually went to investigate what was taking so long.

I found my father in front of a computer modifying some sort of document, and it was painful to watch. He was hunting and pecking at the keyboard at a painstakingly slow rate, and after watching a little, I realized he was retyping the same few sentences over and over again with only minor differences.

Me: “You know, you could just copy and paste that.”

Father: “Huh?”

Me: “You know, Control-C and Control-V?”

My father just looked at me like I was speaking in tongues. So, rather than explain, I asked if I could have his mouse. He was in the way of the keyboard, so rather than using the usual hotkeys, I highlighted the section he wanted to copy and then clicked and dragged the highlighted section down, which also copy and pasted the section where I dropped it.

Father: “Oh, wow! I didn’t know you could do that!”

I went on to show him such amazing concepts as the fact that he could double-click on a word and then start typing to automatically delete the word and replace it with what he was typing.

My father finished his chore of modifying the document a little while later and I rejoiced at finally leaving the Legion. However, I still remember his last comment as we were leaving.

Father: “I never knew you were so good with computers.”

I’d been telling everyone I planned to be a programmer since before I was seven. I set up and maintained the computers at our home for years before leaving for college, I’d created — and shown my father — multiple web pages and programs already, I’d already been promised an internship with one of the largest tech companies, and I would be building my own operating system from scratch for a class the next semester. But more impressive than all of that, at least according to my father, was that I knew how to copy and paste!

Our establishment has a clear policy: we stop seating at 10:00 pm, and the kitchen is closed at 11:00 pm, no exceptions. No, “Oh, it’s 10:03, we’ll let it slide just this once,” kind of stuff. The bar is open until 2:00 am, but you will NOT get any food that isn’t a packet of chips or some popcorn after 11:00.

Yesterday was a crazy rush, from open to close. I don’t know why, but everyone within like twenty miles of my store wanted to eat Mexican food yesterday. We did 600 covers on a Wednesday. I made almost 2,000 tortillas, which is near a record for our store.

So, around 10:20 pm, three guys rolled in and asked for a table.

Hostess: “That’s not possible, as we are no longer seating, but you’re welcome to sit at the bar and drink.”

They didn’t argue and instead proceeded over to the bar area. One guy tried to order a dozen taquitos from the bartender.

Bartender: “That’s simply not possible.”

So, at exactly 10:37, the three decided to get up from the bar and just go sit at a table. They called a server over.

Guys: “We’ve been here for almost an hour and no one has taken our order!”

The server went back to grab my boss, who told her not to take the order. Apparently, he had seen the whole thing on the camera feed. When the guys were confronted with this information, they left without paying for their drinks. They did this RIGHT AFTER we told them we had their faces on video.

So now, you didn’t get your taquitos, you’re banned from our store, and the police are looking for you. Good job being sneaky, y’all.

The ordering system in my bar and restaurant is pretty flexible. I can enter details like allergies or custom requests, and the chef knows exactly what they want just by reading it. Sometimes, though, it gets colourful.

I’m serving a family of four.

Me: “Welcome! Can I take your order?”

Mum: “Yes, chicken wings, please, with buffalo sauce.”

Dad: “Chicken wings, BBQ sauce.”

Daughter: *Hesitantly* “Sticky toffee pudding.”

Me: “You’d like the dessert?”

Daughter: “Yes, that’s fine.”

Son: “The cheeseboard, to share!”

That’s a dessert, too. It comes in two sizes: small, meant for one person, and large, shared between two.

Me: “All right, thank you!”

I go to enter it into the till, and the manager appears.

Boss: “Hey, [My Name], we’re out of chicken wings.”

I take two menus back to the table.

Me: “I’m afraid we’re out of the chicken wings. Can I get you something else?”

Mum & Dad: “We’ll have one well-done steak, shared between us, please.”

I confirm the order and put it through, but I know the chef won’t believe it. I go to the kitchen. He’s holding the docket that printed out, looking confused.

Me: “Hey, chef? Can I talk you through that order?”

Chef: “Err, please do.”

Me: “I know it looks like two courses, but send it all together. The steak is for Mum and Dad to share, the sticky toffee pudding is for the daughter, and the cheeseboard is for the son, not actually shared. So, I’ll be sending two side plates and two steak knives with the steak. The cheeseboard is definitely the big one, but with no side plates and only one cheese knife.”

Chef: “I’m glad you explained that. Weirdest order for the whole of Christmas, but if that’s what they want!”

I explained it to the manager, too, or there would have been mistakes serving it. They left us a good review.