I’m new to this particular employer but a retail veteran. I always do my work in “android mode,” saying only what I need to say and displaying zero emotion. I’ve been told my voice even sounds robotic. I’m working at a register today.

Customer: “How much is this?”

I look at the price tag.

Me: “$15.99 plus tax, sir.”

Customer: “That is outrageous! I can get it for half that price at [Other Store]!”

I remain silent.

Customer: “You are disrespecting me by selling this for $16!”

I say nothing.

Customer: “I demand to be respected!”

Me: “Sir, are you purchasing this or not? If not, I need to ring through the man behind you.”

Customer: “F*** YOU!”

He turns to walk away, still holding the item.

Me: “Sir, if you don’t want to pay for that, please hand it to me and I will restock it later.”

Customer: “YOU MOTHERF*****! I HATE THIS STORE!”

He throws the item at me and I catch it.

Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

The customer glared at me and then walked off.

I used to work for a customer support line for a large fantasy MMORPG (Massively-Multiplayer-Online Role-Playing Game). To date, this one call I received is the craziest, most epic, most unbelievable-but-true customer experience I have ever received.

A man calls in saying he is having “connectivity issues.” I check his account and his character name already indicates he is going to be a character. It is something like LaDyKiLlEr69, with the studly caps and innuendos included.

Caller: “Yeah, so, I can’t find anyone.”

Me: “So you can’t see other people on the server?”

Caller: “No, I can see other players, but I can’t find my friends. Fix it.”

His tone is blunt and demanding but nothing I can’t handle. I check a few more things and see nothing wrong with his connection, and our service is running fine.

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t find anything that could be causing your issue. Have you tried resetting the—”

The caller interrupts with a laborious sigh.

Caller: “Listen, dear.”

He does not call me “dear” with endearment.

Caller: “Maybe one of your man-agers can handle me from now on. Go fetch one.”

He emphasizes the “man” part of “manager.”

Me: “Sir, I… I am going to login to the game as an admin right now. That way I will see you and your avatar in-game and might better be able to assess the situation.” 

Caller: “Be quick. My friends were talking about doing a raid today and I always carry them through. They can’t win without me.”

I log in and “see” his avatar for the first time. If you’re picturing a frat-boy douchebag named Chad or Brock, well… then you know what he intentionally made his in-game avatar look like. It’s a fantasy world where you can be multiple creatures and genders, with impossible hair and clothing, and he chose to be Chad. 

Not one to dwell too much on preference, I start trying to diagnose his issue. Suddenly, he’s screaming on the phone.

Caller: “There he is! You fixed it! Hey! Come back, f***er!”

Me: “Sir, I—” 

Caller: “I said come back, you r****d!”

I realize he is not talking to me, but to another player’s avatar. I see Chad69 chase down this other player through a part of the game. My omniscient admin-avatar feels compelled to follow.

Caller: “Hey! Why aren’t you talking to me?!”

Me: “Sir, are you talking to me?”

Caller: “Yes, you idiot! I can see my friends but they can’t see or hear me! What did you do to me?! Did you make me invisible, you b****?!”

Me: “Sir, that is not within my power. I think the problem may be—”

Caller: “They’re going into the raid! Oh, f***, they’re all gonna die without me! I have to follow!”

I suspect I finally know what might be happening here. I identify the player that my caller is talking about and check their logs. When players sign up to the game they sign a terms and conditions document that says admins have access to their in-game party chats, so I am allowed to do this.

This other player has been having a conversation with their party in a party-chat. I am a fast reader so I review.

Other Player #1: “Oh, crap. He found me.”

Other Player #2: “I told you we should have all migrated to a different server; he was bound to bump into us.”

Other Player #1: “What do I do? I can’t just keep ignoring him.”

Other Player #3: “Why not? He’ll get the hint soon enough. I know he’s slow but we’ve made it pretty obvious we don’t want him around anymore.”

Other Player #1: “Yeah, but he’s literally chasing me.”

Other Player #2: “Teleport out when you get out of the city.”

I am about to go back to the call to let this guy (who is still shouting at his ex-friends, ignoring me on the phone) know that when it comes to the game, it’s not us, it’s him, but then something is said later in this group chat that catches my attention.

Other Player #3: “That f*** took all my loot in [Raid] and said it was because he carried us through it. Deluded idiot kept getting his a** killed every minute and blaming me for not healing him fast enough! He did not know how to apply buffs to himself; he just runs in and charges!”

Other Player #2: “Well, how about we take him with us this time?”

Other Player #3: “No way in h***.”

Other Player #2: “Listen, let’s bring him along and…”

They start concocting a plan for revenge. The following things happen in quick succession: I end the call with The Chad, explaining that I have helped him find his friends. He grunts and hangs up with all the gratitude of a cat in a bathtub. I then take a quick break and remain logged in, munching the virtual popcorn, knowing what is about to happen. 

The other players welcome The Chad back into their fold and endure his condescending, often misogynistic and racist comments for a while. I witness them start their raid, which involves infiltrating an old castle and defeating some dragons.

True to their earlier description, The Chad is a TERRIBLE player. He plays an attacking type but has zero sense of strategy or defense. He keeps barking demeaning orders to his teammates to heal him and keep him alive while he just hacks and slashes.

The other three players just stand there… doing nothing.

He dies, quickly.

None of them heal him. The three then dispatch the dragon easily and quickly, because they know how to work as a team, even with a man down. Then they approach the fallen body of The Chad, who is hurling insults at them about not healing him and how they failed him.

Then all three characters start dancing; there are many fun downloadable animations in the game. All three start dancing over the fallen Chad, then squatting over his face, then dancing a little more.

They then all simply quit the raid and unfriend him again, leaving him dead on the floor. He eventually signs himself out, surprisingly silent. 

On my last day in that job, I quickly logged into his account to see any updates, only to realize he hadn’t logged in again since that day. I guess even in a fantasy land, you can’t be a racist, misogynistic jerk!

This story is part of our Best Of September 2020 roundup!

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This takes place during the height of the health crisis when none of the stores have toilet paper. My job is to fill online grocery orders, which isn’t the easiest job at the moment. Most of our customers understand what’s going on in the world and accept that some things are hard to get right now, but others aren’t so understanding and we try to take turns dealing with them.

I’m paged to our office one day. When I get there, I see a coworker crying.

Me: “[Coworker], what happened?”

Coworker: “I just got yelled at by a customer who said I was discriminating against her because we don’t have toilet paper. I didn’t know what to do. She just kept yelling at me.”

Me: “Hey, take a deep breath. It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”

Coworker: “She said we were discriminating against the elderly.”

Me: “It’s not discrimination if no one has toilet paper right now.”

Coworker: “She just kept yelling at me!”

Me: “Okay, if a customer starts yelling at you, put them on hold and get a manager. That’s what they’re paid to do.”

My coworker nods and wipes her eyes. The customer service manager walks into the office just then.

Customer Service Manager: “Okay, I just spent fifteen minutes on the phone getting yelled at by this customer. [My Name], you’re the lead shopper’ you get on the phone and deal with her.”

Me: “Is it still the toilet paper lady?”

Customer Service Manager: “Yes. [Coworker], it’s okay.”

Coworker: “She yelled at me and said I was discriminating against her.”

Customer Service Manager: “She said that to me, too. In the future, call me or any of the other managers if a customer starts yelling at you. That’s what we’re here for.”

Me: “And it’s not discrimination. I’ll talk to her. Which line?”

Customer Service Manager: “Two.”

Me: *On the phone* “This is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Customer: *Shouting* “I need toilet paper and you people are discriminating against the elderly! I know you have some so give it to me! You’re discriminating against me! You can’t keep toilet paper from the elderly!”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t have any toilet paper. We haven’t had any in days.”

Customer: “Stop lying! I know you have some! I need toilet paper!”

Me: “I’m not lying. We don’t have any and no one knows when we’ll get more in.”

Customer: “You’re discriminating against me! I know you have some!”

The assistant store manager walks in just then.

Me: “Just a moment.”

I place her on hold before she can respond.

Me: “[Manager], please talk to this lady. She’s not listening to me or to [Customer Service Manager], and she already made [Coworker] cry. She says we’re discriminating against the elderly because we have no toilet paper. Line two.”

Manager: “Okay.” *Picks up the phone* “This is [Manager].” *Pause* “No, we don’t have any toilet paper.” *Pause* “I don’t know when we’ll get more in.” *Pause* “What if I take your contact info so we can call you the next time we get some in?” *Pause* “What was the number?”

He writes down the phone number and repeats it back to her to confirm.

Manager: “Okay, bye.”

He hangs up and throws the number away.

Manager: “I didn’t say we would call her.”

I still don’t know if he was able to calm her down because he has authority or because he was the first man she talked to.

I work at a popular store that sells fabric that we cut to customer’s specifications. We are open late on Fridays — until 9:00 pm — and one night, at about 7:30, a woman comes up to the counter looking for around fifteen metres of a sturdy but brightly-coloured fabric.

Since we’re a small store, we don’t usually have more than eight meters of a specific colour of fabric except for the cheap cotton which she says will not work. 

Then, I remember that we recently got extra stock of a specific fabric that we were unable to put out on the floor. I tell the customer that I think we might have some extra of this and go into the back to look. I have to get a manager to help me get it off a high shelf, but we do have it, and it’s exactly what our customer wants.

Sounds like a happy ending right? No. 

I go to ring up her three rolls of fabric when she says she doesn’t have her card on her and asks if she can just use the number. I’m not sure, so I ask the manager who is still nearby and my manager says no.

The customer flips out.

Before, she was nice and talkative and very patient, but as soon as we tell her that she can’t pay with a card number, she starts screaming at my manager and me about how we have to let her pay this way, how she works in retail and we’re not allowed to deny her, how it’s not her fault she has a kid at home and she’s leaving the state in three weeks and needs the fabric now, and how she wants to talk to the store manager and wants his number.

My manager tells me to continue serving other customers while she discusses things with the angry customer. I finish ringing up the next customer, who has been watching this woman’s meltdown.

I’m about to reassure the next customer and tell her that she can go on her way, but she subtly flashes her police badge at me and tells me she’s gonna stay nearby just in case. 

So, now I can never say, “There’s never a cop when you need one,” and the customer did talk to the store manager over the phone, and she did not get the fabric.

And she stole my pen.

I’m shopping for toys for our child in a famous London toy store. My husband is a few shops away doing something else. He is finished and I am nearly, as well. Instead of shopping baskets, the store supplies big, red, very visible, and branded bags to carry your purchases around. My husband calls me to try and find me.

Because the store is full of people, he goes into “husband panic mode,” saying he’ll never find me. In order to help him, I go to the entrance. Trying to locate him, I step out of the store with my big bag of stuff I have not paid for. I am literally standing still, not even an arm’s length from security, scanning people to find my husband.

Suddenly, I am grasped by a man who I realize is security. He thinks I tried to steal and is very upset about it. I find that pretty funny, considering my choice of standing right next to him with a big bag proclaiming the store name. Very quickly, a young man who is some sort of a manager arrives at the scene and also gives me a stern talking to.

I understand their initial interest in me but am really amused that they never stopped to consider the exact circumstances after they initially stopped me, so I ask them, “Do you really think this is what stealing looks like? Me standing stock still next to a security guy with a big, bulging bag provided and branded by your store?”

I had a pretty hard time convincing them that YES, I WOULD ACTUALLY buy all that stuff now, as if the register wasn’t three feet away, and as if they couldn’t quite easily check that I was going to buy it all. I honestly think people in security should have enough experience to know an honest mistake when they see it.