I used to work at a higher-end grocery store. We had a customer shopping with us and he was just casually chatting with the butcher. Out of the blue, he looked around and said:

Customer: “It’s nice to see that you don’t have any of those colored people working your store.”

Then, he just walked away like it was a normal conversation.

We did have non-white people on our staff. It just happened to be their day off.

I have two dogs I love to take on walking tours in Saint Augustine. One is a pointer Dalmatian and the other one is a small black dachshund cocker spaniel mix. On this occasion, the smaller dog is in his stroller and I am walking my larger dog while holding his stroller. I am fine doing this as I have had both dogs for years and they both know how to behave. It is also important to note that the smaller dog, Eraser, is extremely sensitive. He doesn’t let ANYONE hold him except for me and my grandmother. Petting is fine! Just don’t pick him up.

While on this tour, a couple is nearby, and the woman keeps eyeing Eraser in his stroller.

Woman: “I can help you walk your dogs.”

Me: “No, thank you.”

Woman: “No, but I can help you with them. You can trust us; we have dogs at home in [City out of state].”

Me: “Well, that’s fine, but they don’t let just anyone walk them.”

Woman’s Husband: “[Woman], leave her alone.”

Woman: *Whining almost* “But look at her! She needs help!”

Me: *Sharply* “No, I don’t. I’m fine, thank you.”

This shuts the woman up for a few minutes and I continue my walk with my dogs. Eraser is now standing in his stroller trying to get pets from the other people before sitting back down, and the woman approaches me again. This time she grabs the stroller and tries hip-butting me out of the way. I keep a firm grip on the stroller. 

Woman: “Let me just walk him!”

Me: “I said no!”

Woman: “Come on, it’ll be fine. See?”

She walks around and tries to pick Eraser up, which causes him to bark at her and growl. The woman yanks her hands back and then looks at me, completely shocked

Me: “I said no! Do not touch my dog!”

The woman sheepishly went to stand next to her husband as everyone in the tour group had now stopped to see what the commotion was about. I was pissed but calmed down and checked on Eraser, who was happily wagging his tail just fine. After that, the woman didn’t speak to me again, and she and her husband left the tour early. I have a feeling she wanted to steal Eraser as he is a small and adorable little dog; plus, it made no sense that she wanted to walk him when he was in his stroller and just fine.

This happens in Australia just before our first lockdown. There are mandatory mask requirements when shopping at retail stores. In high school and all through university, I worked at a mum-and-pop hardware store, so I know my way around hardware.

In our big box hardware stores, there isn’t much customer service. Most staff are there to check on stock levels, stock shelves, and attend the cash register. The old warhorses on the staff are always occupied helping people, but they are in short supply.

It’s a Saturday and I need some plumbing supplies. I’m in one of the most intimidating aisles for a lot of people; it’s got all the copper, taps, and toilet fittings. I’ve got all the items I need and I’ve been there for a good twenty minutes. I can see an older gent struggling and trying to work out what he needs. I catch his eye and he waves me over enthusiastically. I grab what he needs for a leaky cistern and instruct him how to install it. He thanks me and leaves.

As I’m about to leave, another old gent waves at me and asks me for help. I show him a direct replacement for his tap washers, but then proceed to show him a ceramic fitting that basically makes sure he never has to replace washers again. He balks at the price, but I convince him to get it — once a salesman, always a salesman, and he gets a seniors discount.

As I’m about to leave with the gent, a woman appears from behind me, silent as a mouse. Then, she screeches at me.

Woman: “Oi, you! I want these items!”

As I turn, she shoves a list in my face. Now, if she had smiled at me and asked politely, I would have happily helped her, but I smile and politely decline.

Me: “Sorry, I don’t work here.”

I indicate my clothes. I’ve got a blue singlet on and blue cargo shorts (with pockets full of plumbing products). Staff wears red and green. I turn and proceed to leave. The woman reaches out her hand and tries to turn me toward her, but I slip out of her grasp.

Woman: “You f*****’ helped him—” *indicating the old fella still standing next to me* “—so you work here. Don’t lie to me!”

I attempt my best withering gaze.

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t work here. I’ll let the counter know you need help and they will send someone along.”

I make a hasty retreat with the old gent.

The woman is hot on my tail, screaming at the top of her lungs, calling me a few racist names, and claiming I’m sexist besides other choice things. I ignore her and I think that infuriates her more. She tries a couple of times to get a hold of me, but I shrug her off. One of these times, she loses her footing and trips, which enables me to get the h*** out of dodge.

A member of staff intercepts the woman.

Employee: “Ma’am, please stop screaming.”

The woman points to me and starts ranting about me, calling me names, and making up a story about me being rude and racist and assaulting her. Clearly, as soon as she says “assault,” the situation escalates. She’s in for a very big surprise.

The employee turns to me and rolls her eyes. She knows this is going to be a long one. I do, too. I turn to the old gent.

Me: “You might as well go get in line. This is going to be a while.”

Old Gent: “It’s fine. You’ll need a witness.”

My heart bursts a little at that.

Security is called. I have a quick conversation with the manager and relay the events that have unfolded. The old man relays the same thing.

Me: *To the manager* “Can you please remind that woman that there are multiple security cameras around?”

Police get called anyway, and unlucky for the woman, she has no time to recant as there is already a patrol car in the parking lot. They separate the woman, the old gent, and me, and do a quick interview.

Then, I chill in the office for about an hour until the officers come back in.

Officer: “We’ve reviewed the tapes. Do you want to press any charges?”

I decline and they let me go. The manager walks me to the checkout and lets me know that the woman is getting a lifetime ban. I pay for my plumbing supplies with a trade discount. As I’m walking to the exit, I see the old fella sitting on the bench. He gets up and asks me if I want a sausage. We have a good laugh over sausage with onions and a soda. I offer to come over and fit the tap washes for him, and we organise a time for tomorrow morning for me to drop by. He actually only lives a street away from me.

As I’m getting in my car, the woman emerges with the cops and the manager. She looks distressed, but at least she’s not in cuffs. I know she’s not got many options, so I drive by as she is “talking” to someone on the phone and wind down my window.

Me: “Hey, see across the road the sign that says [Store]? They are a trade plumbing supplies store. If you go there and don’t be a b****, they will have everything on your list.”

I have a coworker who simultaneously plays the part of a self-declared germaphobe and the office “lunch thief”. And by lunch, I mean opened and unopened packages of personal snacks that are often on or in desks that are not her own.

We are in a global health crisis when I find chocolate missing from my desk. Thoroughly disgusted that someone who was JUST bragging about how careful she is being stole a half-eaten chocolate bar, I decide to merely deep clean my desk and let it go. I have no real proof of it anyway.

Then, my bags of popcorn start going missing, so I hide them in a coworker’s office. They end up going missing from there, too. This time, I have proof.

She makes the fatal mistake of bragging to her pet-of-the-week that she is so dedicated to the job that all she had for lunch is a big bag of popcorn! So, I copy both her and our boss on an email innocently asking if she saw my popcorn as it had walked off from under my desk. She eventually cops to it after some light banter between our boss and me about who would steal popcorn, and I lightly chide her by telling her, “If it isn’t in the communal space, it is not for the community.”

I think this is the end of it as my food finally stops going missing! 

But wait… there’s more.

I have just restocked the entire office with a bunch of sweet snacks and plan to get more healthy options but am hesitant due to worrying about how they will be received. My boss is on the same page.

Boss: “I love all the sweets, but do we have any healthy options?”

Me: “I was thinking about that. Apples and oranges would be good. Same for carrots. They will all last for a couple of weeks just fine. Right now, all we really have is pita chips and hummus.”

Boss: “Isn’t the hummus yours?”

Me: *Confused* “I brought it to share.”

Boss: “But you scolded her for taking your food earlier.”

I mistakenly think he means my “work-wife,” who I teasingly complained ate said pita chips and hummus off my plate the day before.

Me: “Oh. That is just because she didn’t respect the pita to hummus ratio. [Work Wife] knows she is allowed to eat my food without asking.”

Boss: *Hinting* “I remember an email exchange about it.”

Me: “Oh! No. It wasn’t so much that I didn’t mind ‘sharing’. It was just that [Coworker] was removing food from my desk and sequestering it in her office for herself. As long as it isn’t in anyone else’s desk, or otherwise marked, that is fine.”

That witch had generously shared her stash with him and then made him feel guilty! She is definitely a wonder.

My supervisor was sleeping with an associate. Eventually, as most work shenanigans do, theirs burned out and got ugly. [Associate] was at the register next to mine with several people in line waiting to check out when [Supervisor] approached. He stepped between the woman finishing her transaction and the one waiting to start. When the first woman left, [Supervisor] handed [Associate] a piece of paper.

Associate: “What?” *Looks at the paper* “A drug test?!”

Supervisor: *Smiling* “All employees agree to remain drug-free throughout employment. Drug tests may be performed at any time for any reason.”

Associate: “Are you serious?”

Supervisor: “I scheduled you an appointment at [Nearby Clinic] in twenty minutes.”

[Associate] left, took her drug test… and did not come back. [Supervisor] left at the end of his shift and also did not come back. Rumor has it that before [Associate] left for her test, she told Human Resources that [Supervisor] had sold her cocaine and marijuana at a discount for sleeping with him and allowing him to steal things when he went through her register. Security reviewed the tapes and he was consequently fired.