(I’m waiting in an art supply store while my mother gets something from the car. I’m waiting there when a woman in her mid 40s comes up to me. Keep in mind, I’m 14, wearing black sweats and a black hoodie.)
Lady: “Can you watch my items for me while I get my purse from my car?”
Me: “Umm… no.”
Lady: “Why not? You are the security guard, aren’t you?”
Me: “No, miss. I’m 14, actually, and do not work here.”
Lady: *walking away while grumbling* “Kids these days.”
(I work in a self-serve froyo store where customers can put toppings on their yogurt themselves. Despite the fact that every topping has a spoon in it, many people reach in and grab toppings with their hands. This was the case with a woman and her son. It was the mother that reached in with her hand while she was right in front of me.)
Me: “Ma’am, please use the spoon for the toppings.”
Customer: “I am using the spoon!”
Me: “Ma’am, I just saw you use your hands.”
Customer: “No, I didn’t!”
Customer’s Son: *nodding apologetically* “Yeah, she used her hands.”
Customer: *glares at her son*
(I worked doing door-to-door sales on commission for an animal shelter. I’m doing really well this particular day, in a very rich neighbourhood, and I come to one of the biggest houses I’ve ever seen. I ring the bell and a lady wearing a bright green dress and eating fries out of a Happy Meal answers with a big smile on her face.)
Me: “Hi, my name is [My Name] and I’m selling a few bits and bobs to raise money for [Animal Shelter].”
Lady: “What animals are in the shelter?”
Me: “Mainly dogs, but there are also cats and donkeys.”
Lady: *raising her voice incredibly loudly* “Dogs! Filthy, disgusting , horrible animals! How dare you ask me to support f****** dogs?! They should all be thrown into a fire, cooked, and eaten! Or better, eaten alive!” *proceeds to spit at my feet then slams the door in my face*
Me: *walking away* “Holy jaysus…”
(I’m working third shift alone and ringing up a regular when another customer bursts in the door.)
Customer: “My car’s on fire!!”
Regular: “Oh, s***!”
Me: *hits emergency stop button, grabs fire extinguisher, and runs out the door*
Customer: “What are you doing? Wait!”
Me: *douses flaming car*
Customer: “Oh, my god! What are you doing! You’ll ruin my car!”
Me: “No, the OPEN FLAMES EATING THE ENGINE will do that. You’re at a gas station, parked next to a gas pump. Your car was on fire and I put it out.”
Regular: “Do you want me to call the fire department?”
Me: “I’ll do it, thanks.”
Customer: “I don’t have to be here for that right? I’ve got to get home.”
Me: “…you can’t be serious.”
Regular: “Dude, what? She’s got to call the fire department and you can’t exactly drive yourself home.”
(The fire truck arrives shortly.)
Customer: “It was just burning oil! I don’t know why this is such a big deal. Oil is supposed to burn!”
Firefighter & Me: *in unison* “Not at a gas station, it isn’t!”
(The customer complained the entire time about having to wait around for the fire truck, and then complained that I’d ruined his car. Somehow, he managed to start his car and drive away… and came in the very next night and joked about how it was still smoking. I need a raise.)
(I work as a security officer for a local theme park. Occasionally, the parent company will rent out the park after hours to host private events, usually corporate parties for big companies. When this story takes place, I and the other officers are sweeping out the day guests, and we’ve been instructed to be a little more insistent since catering has to set up for a private event an hour after park close. The tables and lights are already set up as we’re waiting on the last guests to exit a ride, when two teenagers approach me. Keep in mind, all of the event guests will be arriving by bus after park close.)
Guest #1: “Where do we go for the special event?”
Me: “I’m sorry, you’re part of the event?”
Guest #2: “Yeah! Well, uh, his dad is. And he’s getting us in.”
([Guest #1] then puts on his sunglasses (it’s dark) and crosses his arms like some corporate executive.)
Me: *starting to laugh, thinking it’s a joke* “Are you sure?”
([Guest #2] looks from his friend to me, starting to laugh nervously.)
Guest #2: “Yeah, uh, what’s wrong?”
Me: “Uh, maybe you’re here for [Other Event in Other Park]?”
Guest #1: “Oh, is it in [Other Park]?”
Me: “Well, we have a couple of events going on tonight in different locations. What company is your dad with?”
Guest #1: “Uh…” *looks at friend* “…Microsoft?”
Me: *smiling knowingly* “There’s no event for Microsoft.”
Guest #2: “Oh, well, we’ll just find out where to go somewhere else!”
(They both stormed off, [Guest #1] still wearing his sunglasses. By that point the final guests were getting off the ride and my coworkers all had a good laugh about it. I gotta give props to the two of them for sticking with their ruse to the end, though.)
