Customer: “Do you sell iBooks?”

Me: “You want to download an ebook for your ereader?”

Customer: “No. I don’t know.”

Me: “Do you already own an ereader?”

Customer: “No, I just want the iBook.”

Me: “Okay, so, you have an iPad? And you’re not sure how to download books?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

(The customer then turns to her friend and they talk to each other in another language, and it sounds like they both agree on something. Then they just turn and stare at me.)

Me: “So… You need an ereader?”

Customer: “I don’t know!”

Me: “What do you have now?”

Customer: “I don’t know!”

Me: “Okay. Um… You want to read electronic books, on a device that lets you do that, correct?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Do you already have a device that lets your read electronic books?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay, then you need an ereader.”

(I work in a copy shop. It is an extremely busy day and it has been non-stop with customers and copy orders since we opened. This conversation starts after I tell a customer I don’t have time to do her order while she waits, since it’s so busy with other customers.)

Customer: “Okay. I guess I can come back at five for it, then.”

Me: “Okay.”

(We book in the order.)

Customer: “Okay, so, I can come back at one?”

Me: “Um, you said five.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I’ll be on my lunch at one, so it’s easier to come then.”

Me: “Let me see what other orders I have booked in.”

(I check to see when everything else is due. Getting it done by one will be tight, but I think I can do it.)

Me: “Okay, sure. Come back at one.”

(I basically panic getting the order done by one, but I do it with just a few minutes to spare. She doesn’t pick it up until five.)

Customer: “I hope you didn’t rush it for one!”

Me: “…”

(In Finland, it’s normal to go to the sauna naked, and even swim naked after the sauna. But at public saunas with separate facilities for men and women, you’re expected to put on a bathing suit before swimming. It’s midsummer and we’re staying at an upscale hotel. We’ve just come from the sauna and pool, where a rather drunk couple are swimming naked.)

Me: “A man and a woman are swimming naked in the pool.”

Desk Clerk #1: “Again?!”

Desk Clerk #2: “You’re going this time.”

(I’m a customer, doing a big amount of shopping in a large store that sells basically everything, from pins, to food, to large appliances, to car parts. Another customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, ma’am. Where can I find fruit gelatin?”

Me: *automatically* “Aisle 13.”

Customer: “Thank you!”

Me: *realizing I wear nothing like store uniform* “Uh… How did you know I knew where it is?”

Customer: *cheerily* “You have a big pile of these in your cart, ma’am.”

(I did.)

(I am helping a patron who has been bantering with me during his transaction. At the end, he asks about the location of some movies, except what he actually says is this:)

Patron: “So, if a wicked witch were to fly in here on her broom and turn you into a stack of DVDs, where would he—” *indicating my coworker* “—shelve you?”