The Ghost Of Christmas Freebies

| | Right | March 23, 2009

(At the cash till beside me I hear this exchange.)

Customer: “You should be giving out candy canes.”

Coworker: “Pardon me?”

Customer: “It’s Christmas, you should be in the Christmas spirit! I want to know why you aren’t handing out candy!”

Coworker: “Well, it’s very busy today and we’re understaffed. If we were to take someone off of cash, people would have to wait far too long to purchase their books.”

Customer: “I don’t want to hear your excuses! Let me talk to your manager.”

Coworker: “He’s right there, two tills down.”

(My coworker takes the next person in line.)

Customer #2: “What was she complaining about?”

Coworker: “She was complaining that she wasn’t getting any free candy.”

Customer #2: *jokingly* “In that case, can I have a free puppy?”

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Always Right, Even When They’re Not Your Customer

| | Right | March 23, 2009

Caller: “I’m having a problem with this adapter. Can you help me out?”

Me: “I can certainly try. Can you describe it for me?”

Caller: “Well, it hooks up to a TV and it has these two things coming off of it… I don’t really know how to explain it.”

Me: “Well… maybe you can tell me what it does? I can go and grab a box off of the shelf and take a look at it.”

Caller: “I still have the package. Would it help if I read off the model number?”

Me: “That would be great.”

(The customer reads me a model number that is longer than anything I have ever seen in my department and it occurs to me…)

Me: “Sir, I don’t recognize that number. Did you buy this adapter at our store?”

Caller: “No, you guys didn’t have it so I went to Circuit City instead.”

Me: “Sir, I cannot help you with an item we don’t sell.”

Caller: “Well, THANKS a LOT!” *click*

 

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An Unsalvageable Lie

| | Right | March 23, 2009

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return this. *hands me a metal, foot-operated garbage bin*

Me: “Sure, I’ll need the receipt please.”

Customer: “I don’t have it.”

Me: “OK, is there any reason why you’re returning it?”

Customer: “Yeah, my wife didn’t want it.”

Me: “Did you use it?”

Customer: “No.”

(I open it to find an old dirty sock.)

Me: “Sir, I can’t take this. There’s a dirty sock in there.”

Customer: “That was already in there.”

Me: “…”

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VIP: Very Irritating Person

| | Right | March 23, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling ****. How may I direct your call?”

Caller: “I’m in a meeting.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “I’m in a meeting.”

Me: “Sir, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Caller: “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m in a meeting.”

Me: “Sir, you called me.”

Caller: “Yes, I called to let you know I’m in a meeting.”

Me: “…” *hangs up*

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You Get Who You Pay For

| | Right | March 20, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to dispute a charge on my bill.”

Me: “Yes, certainly. Which charge would you like to dispute?”

Customer: “There should be a charge on February 22nd for $2000.”

Me: “The one for ‘Gentlemen’s Club’?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s the one I’d like to dispute.”

Me: “And what’s the reason for the dispute?”

Customer: “…do you need to know?”

Me: “Without a reason, we cannot submit a proper dispute.”

Customer: “Um…OK, well, it was a business trip…and, um…I wanted to hire…um…an escort for a client. Not for me, for a client! For the night. And we weren’t pleased with her, um, services. Which isn’t to say that she didn’t provide services! I’m just saying that it wasn’t the service we…well, the service we…. It wasn’t what we expected.”

Me: “…all right. I’ll transfer you to our disputes department for further assistance.”

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