It Happens More Often Than You’d Think

, | | Right | July 20, 2008

(I just started working at a computer store, so my trainer has a phone call on speaker so I can listen in.)

Lady: “You sold me a faulty piece of s*** laptop!”

Trainer: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Lady: “The ¬†f***ing thing won’t open!”

Trainer: “Have you tried turning the laptop around, and opening it from the other side?”

Lady: “Oh.” *click*

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Customer Variant #3: The Penny Picker

| | Right | July 19, 2008

(Everyone has had this customer. They must clone them somewhere.)

Me: “That will be $2.88.”

(The customer puts a dollar on the counter and out of her purse pulls a snap-top coin pouch and I know I am screwed. She starts rooting in it, pulling out one coin at a time.)

Customer: “5, 10, 20, 25, 26, 27…”

(I void out her sale and wait on the next customer. I ring him up and give him his change.)

Customer: “Why did you wait on him? I was first.”

Me: “Well, he had the mystical ability to hand me 3 dollar bills for his key and you are still trying to come up with $2.88, a coin at a time.”

Customer: “Now you made me lose count! 5, 10, 20, 25, 26, 27…”

(I wait on several more customers.)

Customer: “Young man…” (I am 59, btw.) “… can you tell me if this is a penny or a dime?”

Me: “It is a dime.”

Customer: “Oh, I want to get rid of my pennies…” *puts dime back in pouch, starts rooting in it again* “… 76, 77, 78…”

(I continue to wait on more customers until after what seems to be an eon…)

Customer: “Oh, I only have $2.86. I will have to give you another dollar.” *starts emptying purse on counter*

Me: “No, no, that will be just fine… $2.86, no problem.”

Customer: “But I am 2 cents short!”

Me: “Trust me, not a problem.”

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Natural Born Politician

| | Right | July 19, 2008

(Overheard from a school group at a theme park.)

Student: “God, these stupid lines are so long!”

Teacher: “If you don’t have anything positive to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Student: “I mean… these great lines are just long enough that we miss everything!”

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A Method To The Madness

, | | Right | July 19, 2008

Me: “Hi there, welcome to [fast food restaurant], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a chicken nugget kids meal.”

Me: “Alrighty then, what would you like to drink?”

Customer: “Sweet and sour.”

Me: “Okay ma’am, but what would you like to drink?”

Customer: “I just told you, I want sweet and sour with my nuggets!”

Me, catching on to their game: “Okay… what would you like to dip?”

Customer: “Coke!”

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Some Questions Should Never Be Answered

| | Right | July 18, 2008

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, before your photos were printed the technician noticed that they have a *ahem* content which we cannot print.”

Customer: “This is because I was nude, isn’t it?”

Me: “Well, that wasn’t the deciding factor in itself.”

Customer: “Are you saying that there is something wrong with the human body? That it is obscene?”

Me: “No, I cannot comment on that. But the use of certain… toys… in your photography did cross our line.”

Customer: “Well? What are you going to do for me?”

Me: “While I am forbidden to make and sell you the photos, the negatives are still yours. You can have them once you pay the processing fee.”

Customer: “Hmmmpph! Well, you can at least tell me how I looked!”

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