(I’m legally disabled due to chronic illness, and I walk with a cane. I also find it funny when people behave awkwardly because of it. I’m standing behind the counter when a middle-aged woman walks in and comes up to the register.)

Customer: “I want three bags of [Cat Litter].”

Me: *smiling* “Not a problem!”

(The customer demands that I single-handedly deliver 120 pounds — 54.4 kilos — 100 feet from the shelf to the register. I step out from behind the counter and she spots my cane. Her demeanor changes entirely.)

Customer: *awkwardly* “Oh, actually, I can get it myself.”

Me: *cheerfully* “Nonsense! I’m happy to help!”

(At this point, I’m too far away for her to object so she stands there waiting. I come back struggling with the first bag.)

Customer: *sounding stressed* “Really, I don’t mind.”

Me: *still smiling* “It’s all right!”

(She stands there uncomfortably while I fetch the other two bags. By the time I reach the register to check her out I’m in a lot of pain but still smiling from ear to ear.)

Me: “Have a nice day!”

Customer: *rushes out of the store*

(I was bedridden the day after, but I still enjoy watching entitled customers get hit with guilt when they discover the lowly retail worker they were bossing around is disabled!)

(A customer and her husband approach me as I’m standing at one of the store’s employee computers. She says she’s looking for a certain book.)

Customer: “It has the word ‘water’ in the title. Can you look it up for me?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Is ‘water’ part of the title or the whole title?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Okay. Do you know the author?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay. Is the book fiction or nonfiction?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Okay. What’s it about?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Um… Ma’am, I really can’t find a book based on one word and no description.”

Customer’s Husband: “I told her that.”

Customer: “Hush! I’m sure she can just type ‘water’ in for the title and it will pop right up.” *looks at me* “Try it.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I type “water” into the title search and hit enter. I show the customer the search results.)

Customer: “Hm… None of these look right. Is this all?”

Me: “Ma’am, those are the first twenty results.”

Customer: “Oh. How many results are there?”

(I pointed to the screen to show her. There were over 10,000 results. She stared at the computer for a while and then calmly turned and walked away. Her husband followed her, laughing.)

(A customer comes into the store with some returns from an online purchase. No receipt, no order number, nothing. She says her mother ordered it online for Christmas and didn’t give her a receipt. My manager says she can do an exchange. We inspect the packaging, and it is packaging from the manufacturer, not our store.)

Me: “Ma’am, we cannot accept these returns. These weren’t purchased from our website; they were purchased from [Manufacturer].”

Customer: “No, they weren’t. My mother said that she ordered them from you guys.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, that just simply isn’t true. We can’t accept these because they were never in our system.”

Customer: “Are you saying that my mother is a liar?”

Me: “No, of course not. I was just stating that she was incorrect about where she purchased these.”

Customer: “My mother is a registered nurse! I think she has enough intelligence to know where she bought something from! I feel insulted!”

Me: “Well, you have the right to feel insulted, but that doesn’t change the fact that these were not purchased from us.”

Customer: “I demand to speak to your manager!”

(Our manager comes over and repeats everything I said. The customer then angrily grabs everything and storms out of the store.)

Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am! I hope you get a better nurse.”

Related:
Refunder Blunder, Part 35
Refunder Blunder, Part 34
Refunder Blunder, Part 33

(We have a table marked 50% off different items. A woman approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me. This is regularly $7.00; how much is it on sale for?”

Me: “It’s 50% off; everything on this table is discounted half-off.”

Customer: “So, this is $14.00; how much is this half-off?”

Me: “That would be $7.00.”

Customer: “And what if it’s $10?”

Me: *pause* “Five.”

Customer: “This one is $4, so how much is that?”

Me: *longer pause* “Two.”

This story is part of our Pi Day Math roundup!

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(I work for an HVAC company. We have a deaf customer, but she can read lips. We send a tech out to her home.)

Coworker: “I just got a call from [Tech] saying that [Deaf Customer] is completely ignoring him! He’s trying to explain something but she won’t even look at him; she keeps turning away!”

Boss: “What? Why?”

([Coworker] and [Boss] are discussing this while I’m on the phone with another customer.)

Me: *getting off the phone* “Who did we send out to [Deaf Customer]? She usually loves [Usual Tech]!”

Coworker: “Oh, no, we sent [Other Tech].”

Me: “You sent a heavily-bearded man to a deaf woman who reads lips?”

Boss: “Oh… no…”