I used to get a lot of calls from a debt collection agency that ignored my attempts to tell them they had the wrong number.

After over a dozen of these attempts, I tried something new.

Debt Collector: “We need to contact [Debtor]; we know this is his number.”

Me: *Rageful shouting* “IF YOU FIND HIM, CALL ME BACK WITH HIS PHONE NUMBER AND ADDRESS! HE OWES ME MONEY!”

They never called back.

I am running through my morning duties when I notice a customer trying to come in forty-five minutes before opening. I shake my head at her to indicate that we’re closed, but she keeps pulling on the door. I decide to ignore her and continue on with my opening procedures.

The front of the store is all glass, and she just stands there and stares at me for half an hour while I (try to) ignore her.

Then, she starts knocking on the glass. She just keeps knocking and knocking and knocking. I’m getting irritated because I’m trying to count money and she’s distracting me with all the noise. I finally have enough and yell through the door:

Me: “We’re closed!”

Customer: *Rolls her eyes* “You should’ve just told me!”

She goes to sit in her car, ignoring our opening hours printed on the door she’s been knocking on for half an hour. I finally open up, expecting her to get out of her car and come inside.

Twenty minutes pass before she comes in and immediately starts yelling at me.

Customer: “You should’ve come to my car to tell me you’re open since you knew I wanted to come inside!”

Me: “Since I’m alone, I can’t leave the store.”

Customer: “I was parked ten feet away!”

Me: “Since you’re parked ten feet away, you could’ve seen me unlocking the door and putting the signage out.”

Customer: “Smart-a** b****. I’m going to be calling corporate!”

She pulled out her phone and took a picture of my name tag, which she did not ask to do, before walking out.

I never heard anything back about the woman who expected to be fetched from her car.

A customer is buying two items.

Me: “Your total is $5.30.”

She hands me a $5 bill. I wait for her to hand me the change, and she just stares at me.

Me: “Do you have the thirty cents?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: *Pauses* “Well, okay. The total is still $5.30.”

Nothing.

Me: “I still need the thirty cents.”

Customer: “You don’t have any change?”

WTF? Why would I, the cashier, just have change to pay the remainder of your balance?

Me: “…No?”

She just sighed heavily, opened up her purse (which was FULL of change), and handed me the thirty cents. Why?!

The health crisis is just kicking off in the UK, and it is clear to most people that the country is going to go into lockdown soon. The government has not yet announced any support. We are still working in the office, ordering equipment, and ensuring that everything is ready for a transition to 100% remote working. I am aware that many people, especially those working in service industries, are scared about their jobs and livelihoods. 

Realising an urgent need, I run quickly to the local express version of a major supermarket, where I also pick up some lunch as it is that time of day. On my way back to the office, I am waylaid at the door by a male colleague who is known for being quite sanctimonious. I’m going to call him David, as I think the story works better with a name. I am cis-female.

David: “Hey, [My Name]. Is that a [Supermarket] bag? Did you buy lunch there? You know [Small, Local, Family-Owned Sandwich Shop] would have been a better choice.”

Me: “Yes, I love them, but today, I needed to get some other things and didn’t have time to go to two different shops.”

David: *Blocking my way* “It’s really not right that you gave your money to a major retailer; they will survive this. [Small Shop] really could do with the support. Once all the offices in this area close for remote working, they might lose all their business. We should be supporting them now.”

Me: “I totally agree and will go there tomorrow, as I did yesterday, but today, I needed a few different things, so I had to use [Supermarket]. Could I get by? I need to go to the—”

David: *Still blocking me* “I really don’t think there’s anything you need right now that [Small Shop] couldn’t sell you. They have a refrigerator with milk and other products and a small amount of tinned and fresh goods. You might pay a bit more, but it’s worth it.”

Me: “Yes, well, as I said, I needed to go to [Supermarket]. Nice talking to you, but I need to go to the—”

David: “Even if you were stocking up for general household goods, I’m sure you could make all sorts of meals with the things that [Small Shop] sells. You just need to be creative and not always rely on the big supermarkets and their convenient options.”

Me: “I cook from scratch every night, and I know how good [Small Shop] is. Really, I need to get past you now.”

By this point, we are drawing a crowd of other coworkers.

David: “I’m so disappointed in you, [My Name]. I just don’t understand why you had to use [Supermarket]. What they could possibly sell that can’t be found in [Small Shop] and so urgent that you needed it right n—”

Me: “TAMPONS, DAVID! [Small Shop] doesn’t sell tampons. And yes, it is urgent, and I really need to get past you and go to the bathroom now.”

I left him looking like he was either going to laugh, cry, or vomit. I had other coworkers coming up to me all day to say it was the laugh they needed in these fearful times.

To this day, “Tampons, David” is used in my workplace as a shorthand code to shut up a know-it-all.

I’m in line at the grocery store. The customer ahead of me tries to pay with some cash.

Cashier: “Sorry, sir, this checkout is card-only.”

Customer: “Ugh! Seriously? You need a sign!”

Cashier: “If we had a sign, would you see it?”

Customer: *Scoffs* “Duh, of course!”

Cashier: *Points to a sign at the beginning of the checkout lane*

Cashier: *Points to a sign at the checkout itself*

Cashier: *Points to a sign hanging above the checkout lane*

I never saw a customer deflate so fast!