Visitor: “Hello, can you tell me how to get to the zoo?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the zoo closed at six pm today.”

Visitor: “But your website says that you’re open 24 hours a day.”

Me: “No it doesn’t.”

Visitor: “Do you have a computer with you right now to look it up? I even printed out the page that says you’re open 24 hours a day.”

Me: “No, I don’t right now, but I’ve looked at it many times before and it doesn’t say that anywhere. Can I see the paper you printed out?”

Visitor: “I don’t have it with me, but it said that you’re open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.”

Me: “Think about this. No zoo on earth would be open 24 hours a day. What you’re saying doesn’t make any sense! Are you sure you had the right website?”

Visitor: “Of course I’m sure! Why would your website lie?”

Me: “It doesn’t say that! Look at the door and our brochure right over there. They, along with our website, clearly say that we close at six pm. Now, we’re closed so you need to leave and come back when we’re open to see the animals.”

Visitor: “But your website says I should be able to see them now! This is ridiculous!” *storms off*

(I checked the website later that night and of course, there’s nothing there that even suggests we might be open any later than six pm.)

Camper: “Can I get a root beer float?”

Me: “No, you can only order a single scoop cup or cone.”

Camper: “So I can get one?”

Me: “You can get a single scoop ice cream, cup, or cone.”

Camper: “So can I get a root beer float?”

Me: “You can get a cup or cone, single scoop or ice cream. That’s what you can get. Got it?”

Camper: *nods*

Me: “So what are you getting?”

Camper: “A root beer float.”

Me: “Are you seriously not getting this?”

(Note: The women’s bathroom in our store has a large handicapped stall which also holds an eight-foot-tall locked wooden storage cabinet for supplies. )

Coworker: “Thanks for calling [Coffee Place]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, is this [Coffee Place]?”

Coworker: “Yes, it is. How can I help you?”

Customer: “This is the [Coffee Place] in [Public Square]?”

Coworker: “Yes, it is.”

Customer: “The one with the bathroom?”

Coworker: “Uh… yes?”

Customer: “Oh, well, I’m calling from the women’s room. The door is locked and I can’t get out.”

Coworker: “Well, if you turn the handle of the door and pull it should open.”

Customer: “There is no handle! I’m locked in!”

Coworker: “Okay, I’ll have someone over in a moment.”

Coworker: *to me* “Ummm… so some lady locked herself in the bathroom and can’t get out.”

Me: “Seriously?”

(I head over to the bathroom, letting myself in with the spare keys. There is, in fact, a woman in the large stall, yelling for help.)

Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “Well, your stupid door locked me into the stall and now I’m stuck in here! ”

(I can hear her fumbling with something, but it isn’t the stall door latch.)

Me: “Okay. Well, if you’ll just come over to the stall door, turning the knob should open it.”

Customer: “There is nothing to turn! The door only has a handle!”

Me: “It does. I’m standing on the other side of it.”

Customer: “Well, then why don’t YOU open it! You’ve already kept me locked in here for a half hour!”

(I fiddle with the lock and manage to open it from the outside after a moment, only to see the woman prying at the supply cabinet door.)

Customer: “Oh, I came in this door. I thought that one…” *points to supply cabinet* “… led to the men’s room.”

(Without another word, she walks out of the bathroom and out of the store.)

Coworker: “Maybe she was trying to get to Narnia?”

This story is part of the Totally Unobservant Customers roundup!

Read the next Totally Unobservant Customers roundup story!

Read the Totally Unobservant Customers roundup!

(A customer calls.)

Caller: “Is my car ready to be picked up?”

Me: “I can check for you, sir. Which car is it?”

Caller: “The one I dropped off this morning.”

Me: “Right, and which one would that be?”

Caller: “The one that I dropped off today.”

Me: “Sir, we have a lot of customers on a daily basis. I can’t go on that alone…”

Caller: “I dropped it off this morning!”

Me: “Sir, lots of people dropped their cars off this morning. You need to tell me more. The license plate number, or what you dropped it off for, for example?”

Caller: “It’s the car that I dropped off this morning!”

This story is part of the Auto-Shop roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

12 Stories About Customers Who Should Not Be Allowed To Drive!

Read the next Auto-Shop roundup story!

Read the Auto-Shop roundup!

Customer: “Can I get a pumpernickel bagel and a plain bagel in a bag?”

(I get him his bagels. He looks at the bag with a wistful expression.)

Customer: “Pumpernickel bagel.”

Me: “Yep.”

Customer: “Keeps the peace at home, you know?”

Me: “Um, sure.”

Customer: “Really does. Twenty-three… no, thirty-four years of marriage and it’s come to this. Pumpernickel bagel.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Pumpernickel… bagel.” *leaves*