(While performing a normal transaction…)
Bank Customer: “When is your baby due?”
Me: *smiling* “Oh, I had my baby five months ago! She’s doing wonderfully.”
Bank Customer: *waves her hand around her face in a circle* “Oh, I guess you still haven’t lost your baby fat.”
Me: “…”
This story is part of the Pregnancy Roundup!
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(A well-known taco-based fast food joint sold toy chihuahuas that talked when you squeezed them.)
Me: “Hi, welcome to [Taco Place]. My name is [My Name], may I take your order?”
Lady: “What flavour do your chihuahuas come in?”
Me: “…they’re toys, ma’am.”
(And if that wasn’t enough, a few hours later another customer asked how much the talking chimichangas were.)
(I was working at an unusually small location for an otherwise large pet store chain. Because of our size, we needed to store large heavy items like aquariums on the top shelves. On this particular night, we were shorthanded and I was one of only two people working.)
Customer: “I need a 55-gallon aquarium.”
Me: “Just a moment, I will need to call my coworker back here to help me get it down.”
Customer: “Okay, well, I’m in a hurry.”
(At this point, I call my coworker, and he says he will be back as soon as he has cleared the line that has formed at his register.)
Me: “It will be just a few minutes before he can come back and help me.”
Customer: “I’m in a hurry; I really need it now!”
Me: “I’m very sorry, but that is a heavy item, and I will not be able to get it down on my own.”
Customer: “Like h*** you won’t! I said get it for me now! The customer is always right!”
(This repeats for several minutes before I finally decide I’ve had enough. I go get a ladder and attempt to get the aquarium down. Predictably, I cannot hold it, and the thing falls and shatters to pieces all over the floor. The guy stands there dumbfounded, not quite understanding what just happened.)
Me: “As you said, the customer is always right! There you are sir, enjoy your new aquarium.”
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(In high school I worked at a do-it-yourself pottery painting store. Customers would purchase a blank piece of pottery and paint it with colored glazes, and we would fire the finished pieces overnight in kilns. Pick-up time for pieces is 6:30 pm. A customer shows up at 10 am wanting her piece.)
Customer: “Yeah, I painted something yesterday and I want to pick it up.”
Me: “I’m sorry, but your piece is still in the kiln. I can probably have it to you by 4 if you can’t wait until 6:30.”
Customer: “Why can’t I have it now?”
Me: “Because it’s still in the kiln, and it needs to finish baking and cool for several hours before I can take it out.”
Customer: “But can’t you just get mine out now?”
Me: “I’m sorry, but the kiln is running at 1600 degrees and is locked shut. Even if I could get it open and get your piece out without killing myself, the piece would shatter from cooling too fast.”
Customer: “Can’t you just get it out?”
Me: *facepalm*
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(An elderly woman drives up in her Mercedes and asks about our services.)
Woman: *in her Mercedes, after hearing prices* “These car washes aren’t expensive enough!” *drives away*
Manager: “I would’ve charged her more if she asked.”
This story is part of the Peculiar Customers roundup!
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