Customer: “I’m looking for a book.”

Me: “I can help there! Is there anything specific you want?”

Customer: “It’s blue.”

Pause.

Me: “Okay? Can you tell me anything else about it?”

Customer: “It’s a blue book.”

Me: “Do you know who wrote it? Or even it’s about? I can have a look.”

Customer: “No! It’s a blue book!”

I go and actually lift one of any book that has a blue cover.

Me: “Is it any of these?”

The customer looks through them.

Customer: “No. I can’t believe you don’t know which book I want.”

The customer left.

Related:
Oprah: The Bane Of Bookstore Clerks Everywhere

Dear readers,

Bookstore employees are often passionate about reading, eager to share their love of books with the customers. Unless you have this sorry bunch who don’t seem to get how bookstores, or in some cases even books, work.

Please enjoy, from our archives, these 23 literary classics, of bookstore customers not always being right.

Literary Emergency – I don’t think a gift card is bucket-list material.

Employee Of The Year – Making all the non-magical bookstore employees look bad!

Vague Question, Meet Vague Answer – Proof that life can be stranger than non-fiction.

The Blind Leading The Blind – Warning: This story is complete gibberish.

Oh, How The Truth Doth Sting – Allow us to look up a book for you on recovering from burns.

All The World’s A Book – They don’t want a book book, just a book, that’s not a book, but is also a book.

We Only Have The Other Kind – Just give them the Codex Gigas and let the sparks fly.

Fighting Ignorance With Ignorance – The more you force them to explain, the more stupid they realize they sound.

Might I Also Suggest A Dictionary – Words are going extinct.

Back In My Day, We Walked Barefoot, Backwards And Buck Naked – She’s been around since before books were invented.

Shopping Amongst The Commoners – This rich, elitist, man has got something coming to him.

At Least He’s Being Honest – Careful, he’s on the contrary.

Playing Hide And Don’t Seek – It’s time to pray for this to end.

It Was Either That Or Get Shocked By The Kite Again – The written word: available since 1791.

Conspiracy Weary – They want to know if you bought Oprah’s recommendation this month.

Always Imitated, Never Duplicated – We don’t think this is code for anything.

Sophocles, World’s First Toilet Humorist – An ode to toilet humor.

At Least She Has The General Idea – School reading that makes you want to drop dead.

Everyone Loves A Cynic – A customer’s definition of lazy is “not picking up after me.”

And They Wonder Why Customer Service Is Slow  – How dare you put the books away on the shelves?! How will I find them!

Like Comic Book Guy, Except Much Prettier – Introducing: Comic Book Girl! (People really need to stop being shocked they exist.)

How Do These People Remember How To Breathe? – Trying really hard to not kick this person out.

What’s A Synonym For Thesaurus – How very incongruous, paradoxical, satiric, wry…

We hope you enjoyed this collection of stories! Know any that we missed? Let us know in the comments! Want to submit your own story? Do it here!

Stay safe, everyone!

(I’m working at the customer service desk at a big chain bookstore. A man approaches the desk.)

Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a book. I’m really sorry, but I don’t remember the title. It’s really long and complicated. But I think the cover of the book is blue, and it has a picture of a horse on the front.”

Me: “Actually, it’s red, and it has an upside-down picture of a dog on the front. It’s called The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Nighttime.“

(I hand him a copy of the book.)

Customer: “Oh, wow, that’s exactly the book I was looking for! How did you figure it out?”

Me: “I’m magical.”

(I didn’t have the heart to tell him it had been on the bestseller list for about a month and he was only the hundredth person that week to ask me for it!)

(It is very busy at our bookstore, and I am working as a cashier. We don’t have an info station, so when somebody wants to find a book they often ask us at the front.)

Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for a book, but I don’t know what it’s called. It was about dreams, and it’s blue.”

Me: “Is that all you know? Do you remember any of the author’s name or any words of the title at all?”

Customer: “No. But it was blue!”

Me: “Well… I’m sorry. I can search for books about dreams, but there’s going to be a lot. What was it about?”

Customer: *blank look* “Dreams.”

Me: “Right, but… I mean, is it a novel, or a nonfiction book about dream interpretation, or somebody’s dream journal, or a psychology book?”

Customer: “I don’t know! It was on Oprah!”

(I’m resisting the urge to face-palm; that one fact is nearly everything I need to know to identify the book.)

Me: “Okay. All the books Oprah recommends are on that table right there, under the sign that says, ‘OPRAH RECOMMENDS.’ I can see a blue one from here; is that the one?”

(The customer trots over to the table to peruse it, and as I move on to the next person in line, I hear the customer shout:)

Customer: “YEAH, THAT WAS IT!”

(I work at a secondhand bookstore, and it is obvious that we do not sell brand-new or never-even-opened books. And yet…)

Customer: *holds up a small stack of books* “Are these books new?”

Me: “No, sir, they’re used.”

Customer: *shuffles through his pile and holds up a book that was released quite recently* “But this one’s new.”

Me: “Yes and no. It’s secondhand.”

Customer: “But it is new.” *waves it in front of my face*

Me: *backing up slightly* “It might be a recently-released book, but it’s still secondhand.”

Customer: “Where are your other new books? I want brand new. Never been owned by someone.”

Me: “We’re a secondhand bookstore, sir. They’re all used.”

Customer: “Where are your new books?”

Me: *sigh* “We don’t have any kinds of books like that, sir. They’ve all been owned by someone else at some point.”

Customer: “What kind of bookstore are you?”

Me: “A used one, sir.”

(Wash. Rinse. Repeat.)