(This happened about six years ago when I was trying to spend my birthday money on comic books. A girl with a guide dog comes in all dressed up to pass in a resume. She gives it to the owner and smiles softly.)

Girl With Guide Dog: *to owner* “I was hoping you’d be hiring.”

Owner: *takes her resume* “How about you come in Wednesday at two for an interview?”

Girl With Guide Dog: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m hard of hearing. Would you mind facing me when you talk?”

Owner: *gruffly* “Nevermind. There are no openings. We just finished hiring.”

Girl With Guide Dog: *sadly* “Oh… thank you anyway.”

(Having overheard everything, ALL the customers in the store simultaneously left without buying anything. I haven’t been back since!)

(A friend and I are out for lunch and have this exchange with our server.)

My Friend: “I’ll have the bacon cheeseburger.”

Server: “Would you like fries or salad with that?”

My Friend: “Fries, please.”

Server: “Salad, excellent.”

My Friend: “No, no… I’d like fries.”

Server: “Oh, okay! Anything to drink?”

My Friend: “I’ll have a Coke.”

Server: “Diet Coke, great.”

My Friend: “No… regular Coke is fine, thanks.”

Server: “Oh, right. Sure thing!”

(A different server brings over our meals. Despite what she said to the original server, my friend’s burger arrives incorrectly with a salad and a Diet Coke.)

My Friend: *staring at her meal* “Tell me the truth, do I need to lose weight?!”

Coworker: “Hey, can you tell me if the men’s gloves are on sale?”

Me: “Yup! Everything in men’s today, except underwear and socks, is on sale for 50% off.”

Coworker: *exasperated sigh* “I KNOW they’re not 50% off! I want to know if they’re on sale!”

Me: “Yes… everything except underwear and socks is 50% off.”

Coworker: “So, it’s just underwear and socks that are 50% off?”

Me: “No, socks and underwear are the only things not on sale. Everything else is 50% off.”

Coworker: “So, are the gloves on sale or not?”

Me: “Yes.”

Coworker: “Well, for how much?!”

Me: “50% off!”

(I am ordering at the drive-thru window at a fast food chain.)

Me: “I’d like a number 4 with a Pepsi.”

Employee: “Would you like a drink with that?”

Me: “Yes, a Pepsi.”

Employee: “Well, what would you like?”

Me: “A Pepsi.”

Employee: “What do you want to drink?!”

Me: “A Pepsi!”

Employee: “No, what do you want to… ooohh!”

(Note: our boss speaks English, but is not a native speaker. My coworkers make fun of her accent and I hate it because it is disrespectful and very stupid. We are all native English speakers. This instance has a coworker looking at the work schedule.)

Coworker: *laughing* “Look! [Boss] spelled “Saturday” wrong!”

Me: “She did? How did she spell it?”

Coworker: *still laughing* “S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y!”

Me: “She spelled it that way because that’s how you spell ‘Saturday’.”

Coworker: “Really? No… wait, really?!”