(I’m working the customer service desk one day when an older man walks up and sets a shoebox on the counter.)

Customer: “I need to return these. My wife bought them a bit ago, but she passed away before she got a chance to wear them.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Do you happen to have the receipt?”

(We have a relatively lenient return policy. We can process returns without a receipt. If you used your rewards card, a debit or credit card, or a check, we can find your purchase. If you cannot provide any of the above, we do a non-receipted return with ID.)

Customer: “No, no receipt.”

Me: “No worries. Did you use your rewards card?”

Customer: “I don’t know. My wife bought them.”

Me: “All righty, let’s check!”

(I scan his rewards card and then scan the shoebox. They were clearly purchased at our store because our sticker is on the box. However, nothing shows up.)

Me: “Well, it’s not showing up with your rewards card; we’ll have to use your ID.”

Customer: “Okay.” *he hands me his ID*

(I go through the steps and enter his information, then I scan the shoes again. Nothing shows up. This leads to me going into our computer system to find the shoes. I search using every possible description that I can think of, and they aren’t showing up. I finally call over to the shoe lead, and she comes over to help. We search for a further ten minutes or so, during which the customer begins to get upset, asking why we can’t just process the return. The shoe lead comes back with this gem:)

Shoe Lead: “While these shoes were purchased here, they’re showing in the system for a penny. We haven’t sold these since 1999. We can’t take them back.”

Customer: “Why can’t you just take them back? She died before she could wear them. She obviously got them here.”

Shoe Lead: “We can’t take these back, because we haven’t carried this shoe in over sixteen years.”

Customer: “Well, what am I supposed to do with them? She never wore them!”

(He then storms away.)

Shoe Lead: “Isn’t there a Salvation Army drop-off in our parking lot? Can’t he just take them there?”

(I work as a service advisor for a car company. Today is pretty slow and I am taking walk-ins so my technicians have something to do. A guy comes in explaining that he drove to Washington from Florida a few weeks ago and needs an oil change. Since I have nothing scheduled, I check him in. We do the oil change, I give him 10% off for being so friendly, and he is on his way. Thirty minutes later…)

Coworker: “Hey, did you help this guy earlier? He’s on the phone saying we broke his AC and wants to talk to you.”

Me: “Ugh, we don’t even touch the AC system with an oil change, but okay, transfer him over!” *transfers* “Hi, this is [My Name]. I hear you’re having trouble with your vehicle. What’s going on?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m calling because you broke my AC! It was working fine before you did the oil change and now it’s broken!”

Me: “Oh, no, I’m so sorry it isn’t working. Fortunately, my technicians do not touch the AC system during an oil change, but if you’d like, you can come back in and we’ll take a quick look. Is your AC not turning on at all? Is it not cooling? What’s the issue?”

Customer: “I’m telling you my f****** AC doesn’t work! There’s a noise coming out of the vent! It’s broken and I’m pissed! I had no issues until you touched my f****** car. Tell me what’s wrong with it!”

Me: “Okay, once again, we don’t touch your AC system. I can’t say what the issue is, but you can bring it back in and I’ll have a technician check it.”

(The customer hangs up on me. Twenty minutes later, he SPEEDS into the service drive.)

Customer: “Okay, there it is! Tell me what you f****** broke!”

Me: “Can I borrow your key?”

(The customer slams the key onto my counter and I walk out to turn on his vehicle.)

Me: “Sir, could you point out the sound to me?”

Customer: *gets into the passenger seat* “How could you not hear it come on?! There it is, so loud! You broke my AC!”

Me: *lifts a pair of sunglasses from the center console*

(The noise stopped and the customer looked dumbfounded. I got out of the vehicle, told him to have a good day, and walked back inside. The customer sat in his car for a few minutes and then drove off.)

Me: “Hi. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “I want a number two and two apple pies.”

Me: “All right, that will be $8.29.”

Customer: *hands me $10.19*

Me: *isn’t sure if customer meant to hand me an extra dime to make it an even $2 change* “Will that be out of $10.19?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: *hands her $1.90 in change*

(Then, I start bagging food, and a few minutes later the lady pulls me to the side and starts yelling.)

Customer: “You gave me the wrong change! I was supposed to get $2 in change! Are you too stupid to count change?”

Me: “Ma’am, you gave me $10.19. I counted it three times. $1.90 was your change.”

Customer: “No! I remember giving you the right amount of money!”

Me: “No, ma’am, that’s what you gave me. I recounted it multiple times. You said it was out of $10.19.”

(The customer continues on this tirade for several minutes until her food is bagged, and then she grabs the bag and stomps off. About fifteen minutes pass; I’m taking an order and my manager is in the front when the woman comes back and pulls my manager aside. She is clearly within earshot of me. Fries easily lose their heat and become cold if you don’t eat them, and they’ve been sitting for fifteen minutes.)

Customer: “Your employee is stupid! She gave me cold fries on purpose! You should fire her!”

Manager: “Here, let me replace those for you.” *brings back new fries and, in the most condescending way possible, says* “Thank you for letting us replace those for you!”

(My friend is at a grocery store that also has a pharmacy counter in it. He stops by the pharmacy, but as it’s fairly early in the morning, the counter isn’t open yet. He goes to find an employee:)

Friend: “Excuse me, could you tell me when the pharmacy will be open? I was just over there, but I didn’t see the hours posted anywhere.”

Employee: “Oh, yeah, the pharmacy’s right over there!” *points*

Friend: “No, sorry, I know where the pharmacy is. I was just there. I’d like to know when it will be open.”

Employee: “Yeah, so, the pharmacy is just right over there.” *points to it again*

Friend: “…”

(This repeats a few more times, until:)

Employee: *gives directions to pharmacy yet again*

Friend: “Right. Thanks.” *wanders off to find a different employee to ask*

(After telling me this story:)

Me: “Maybe if you had asked for directions instead, they would’ve told you when it opens!”

(We aren’t fast food; we are casual dining, which means we make every sandwich from scratch and pour soups. Usually, we plan our work schedules around expected rush periods. Occasionally, though, some rushes happen outside of those hours and we don’t have the staff to handle them quickly. During that time, we get drive-offs — people tired of waiting who just drive off instead of stopping to pay and get their food. To make sure we get the right food to the right people we read back the orders at the window. Today, we lost a customer.)

Coworker: “Okay, so, you’re my bowl of chicken noodle soup?” *only thing in the order on her screen*

Customer: “Yup, that’s us.”

(My coworker then puts the soup into a bag, adds some napkins, and hands it off to them as they start to hand over their payment.)

Customer: “Wait. Where is the rest of our order?”

Coworker: “Uh, this is the bowl of chicken noodle soup; you confirmed this was your order.”

Customer: “Well, yes, but what about our sandwiches? Didn’t you write our order down?”

(Seeing that this is quickly going south, I jump over and offer help.)

Me: “We’re sorry about that. You confirmed that this soup order was yours and—”

(I am about to mention that it appears that the next order — a bowl of chicken noodle and the sandwiches they ordered — is their order, not the one they confirmed. I am being nice and apologizing even though it was their mistake and not ours. However, they decide not to let me finish.)

Customer: “Screw this; we are never coming back here! This is bulls***! You should have written our order down!”

(They then drove off without even the soup, only pausing long enough to snatch back their card. On the plus side, I got a free lunch. It boggles my mind that people will confirm food as being theirs when it clearly isn’t.)