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Talking Turkey Results In Mass Deviations

, , , , , | Right | February 15, 2011

Customer: “I want a turkey, but I’m not sure how large.”

Me: “Well, how many people are you having over?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Maybe seven.”

Me: “How about a ten to twelve-pound turkey?”

Customer: “Oh, that’s too small.”

Me: “Well, then how about a twelve to fourteen-pound turkey?”

Customer: “Oh, that’s too big.”

(We go back and forth like this for ten minutes or so until the customer decides on a fourteen-pound turkey. The customer behind her asks for and gets an eighteen-pound turkey which has a $10 off sticker on it.)

Customer: “How come that turkey’s $10 off? I want $10 off for my turkey.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s for turkeys that are at least sixteen pounds. Turkeys less than sixteen pounds are $5 off.”

Customer: “I don’t want a turkey that’s that big. Don’t you have a sixteen-pound turkey that’s only fourteen pounds?”


This story is included in our Even-More-Impossible requests roundup!

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When Photos Are Exposed

, , , , , | Right | February 4, 2011

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. We do not allow the use of photography in the museum.”

Guest: “I wasn’t taking a photograph!” *shows me her phone*

Me: “Sorry, the way you were holding your phone looked as if you were taking a photograph. Although not only did you take a photograph, but you saved it as your cell phone wallpaper and are currently showing it to me.”


This story is part of the Lying-Customers-Getting-Caught roundup!

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It’s Late When It’s Son-Down

, , , , | Right | January 25, 2011

(A woman and her pre-teen son approach the counter.)

Son: “I want both of these movies!”

Mother: “We will have to see. I don’t have a lot of cash and we might have late fees.”

Son: “God! Mom, you are so dumb! I can’t believe you forgot to take back the d*** movies!”

Me: *to mother* “If your late fees are too much, we will also accept your firstborn in payment.”

Feeling Fuel-ish, Part 2

, , , | Right | January 21, 2011

(A girl of about twenty pulls up to the pump. After several minutes of her nervously looking around and doing nothing, I approach her.)

Me: “Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “I don’t know how to do this.”

Me: “You don’t know how to fuel up your car?”

Customer: “No! There are so many buttons! Where does this hose thingy go?”

Me: “Well, first you have to pay.”

(Several minutes ensue of walking her through the procedure, in which I learn she has been driving for 4 years.)

Customer: “Thank you so much for your help, I don’t know how anyone can do this!”

Me: *notices license plate* “Oh! You’re from Oregon! People pump gas for you there, don’t they?”

Customer: “Yes! I can’t believe they don’t do it here! Are the people at this gas station poor?”


This story is part of our bad driver roundup!

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Honey, I Shrunk The Brain

, , , | Right | January 10, 2011

(We pack and sell raw local honey in plastic jars.)

Customer: “I don’t like these plastic jars. They are messy. You should use glass jars.”

Me: “Glass is much heavier and it breaks so easily. I’ve never noticed it being messier to deal with. How does it trouble you?”

Customer: “Plastic leaks.”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Customer: “I take a bit of honey each night before bed. And every morning there is a ring of honey on the nightstand where it has leaked out of the jar.”

Me: “I know if the jar is poured, you must wipe it off or the drip will run down the outside and make a sticky mess. But the same is true of any honey jar.”

Customer: “No, it leaks out the bottom. And only plastic jars.”

Me: “All these boxes here are full of plastic jars, and the box bottoms are clean and dry.”

Customer: “Well, of course it doesn’t do it here. It’s only on nightstands!”