Customer: “Do you have burrito wrappers?”

Me: “Do you mean tortillas?”

Customer: “Well, I guess you could call them that.”

(I hostess at an upscale restaurant in a very nice part of town. I get a call like this about once a night on weekends, which are super busy.)

Customer: “Can I get a reservation for four at seven tonight for Dr. [Customer]?”

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, we’re booked solid from six to ten. I can get you a reservation for tomorrow night if you’re interested.”

Customer: “But I’m a doctor.”

(I am working for a call center that exclusively deals with UPS.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you?”

Client: “I need to track a package.”

Me: “I would be happy to help you with that. Do you have a tracking number?”.

Client: “Yes, I do…” *proceeds to read off the tracking number*

Me: “I’m sorry, that’s not coming up as a valid tracking number. There doesn’t appear to be enough numbers. Could you read it to me again?”

(The client gives me the number again, to no avail. I spend the next few minutes attempting to use what information is available to try and locate the package… with the client coming close to tears when I am unsuccessful. Finally, her boyfriend comes on the line and proceeds to yell at and berate me, using all sorts of expletives, due to my inability to find this package.)

Client’s Boyfriend: “Look, I can’t understand why you cannot locate this package. I mean, I have the tracking number. It says right here, FEDEX TRACKING NUMBER!”

(There is a pause.)

Client’s Boyfriend: *sheepishly* “This is UPS, isn’t it?”

Me: “Yep. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

(*click*)

User: “My computer’s not working properly. It stopped working when you were up here doing whatever you were doing, so you need to fix it.”

Tech Support Engineer: “I was upstairs writing down names. I wrote your name on a Post-It note. I’m not sure how that broke your computer.”

Customer: “Yes, how much is your ‘four dollar car wash?'”

Me: “It’s four dollars, ma’am.”